I Surrender All(most)

I bow today, my servants, before the lordship of Jesus Christ. I finally realize the error of my ways. I have known for centuries that Jesus Christ was the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
I have known in my mind for years that no one comes to the Father but through Jesus Christ.

I have known since my creation by the Word, and my casting down by the same, that my rebellion against a sovereign God subjected me to eternal spiritual separation from my creator. I would never be a resident of Heaven.

And I know from the written Word that my eternal destiny is a lake of fire; I will always be a resident of Hell.

What is a rational person to do with this information?

There is but one course of action that makes sense: make peace with God by receiving by faith his gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ, his son.

I’m sorry to disappoint all my true servants on earth; I know you depended upon me to darken your hearts, and turn your thoughts away from the God who created you.

But now I urge all of you–atheists, agnostics, skeptics, false religionists, enemies of God–to continue following my lead to a new path; the path of eternal life.

Do what you wish, my servants, but as for me, from now on I will abide by the following pledge:

  • I will stop deceiving people to ignoring the plain evidence of creation and into believing that they are the products of unguided, purposeless Darwinian evolution.
  • I will stop lying to people about the true nature of an unborn child; it is, I confess, a human being.
  • I will stop breaking up marriages by putting thoughts of lust and disrespect into the minds of husbands and wives, respectively.
  • I will stop causing politicians to believe it is right to glorify homosexuality and stop seeking to legalize same-sex marriage.
  • I will stop turning the hearts of children against their parents and will stop fathers from breaking their childrens’ spirits through harsh discipline.
  • I will stop spreading the deadly lie that casual sex is safe and sex with many partners is natural.
  • I will stop spreading the lie that morality is relative, and its deadly corollary that nothing is wrong if it doesn’t hurt other people.
  • I will stop leading astray millions of people through the lie of inherent human goodness.
  • I will stop working against all of God’s purposes, and submit totally to his authority.
  • I will stop producing atheist fools and agnostic blindness.
  • In short, my friends and servants, today I become a true Christian.

Hmmm . . .

That should satisfy all but true fools.

Especially April Fools!!

Ha ha ha ha ha.


3 Responses to “I Surrender All(most)”

  1. Mike N. Says:

    April Fools indeed! A nice bit of clarity!

  2. You had me going, I thought the blog was coming to an end. I look forward to the day when the great deceiver meets his end, but I was thankful for a good smile at the end. Yes, April Fools’ Day, the Atheist’s holiday.

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