Prayer chains ruin my day

Prayer

You know what I hate?  Prayer chains.

You know what I’m talking about?  Where one helpless God-loser has some problem and rather than pray silently in his closet like Jesus said to do, he activates a “prayer chain” that notifies all his buddies to start praying with him.  Suddenly, instead of one God-loser’s prayer to block, we face a sudden barrage of prayernoise and all, well, Hell breaks loose. 

Yes, we have immediate system overload down here every time one of those dadgum things goes off.  It used to be that a prayer chain would build slowly and we could pretty well control it.  There was almost always at least one weak link, one person we could persuade to not pray and not pass on the prayer request.  We could usually keep that person busy with other important things, so that he wouldn’t have time to pray.  If the chain was broken early we could pretty well control any potential damage.

But these days, with email, Twitter, and texting, it’s all we can do to break the chain before hundreds or thousands of prayers are clattering about, deafening us with ear-splitting clamor. 

My only real hope is to stop prayer chains before they stop.  I’ve been largely successful in turning most potential prayer chains into gossip chains.  Most churches are full of gossip chains.  The same information is often discussed, but only among humans.  We love the sound of gossip and encourage gossip chains.  In fact, we start most gossip chains.

But to stop a prayer chain we must somehow break the chain by diverting people’s attention to more important things.  Sometimes it an important television show.  Sometimes it’s a sporting event; we especially divert a lot of prayers by filling parent’s time with children’s sporting events.  Often we can break the chain by diverting a potential pray-er into a seemingly more important “religious” activity.  Those are the best diversions–keep someone busy in a church business meeting instead of praying.

And then sometimes we just give up.  The prayer chain overwhelms us, swamps us, depletes all our resources, and we just give up.

I hate prayer chains.

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3 Responses to “Prayer chains ruin my day”

  1. You Know One Of These Days God May Strike You Down Where You Stand And Then You Might Need One Of Those God Losers To Pray For God To Forgive You This Is Sick That You Think You Have To Insult The People Who Believe In The Power And Strength Of Our Lord.

  2. The anarchist who wants to make the internet obsolete by not producing it anymore Says:

    Every truth that was ever spoken of on the devils invention called the internet should have been on T.V. and in the newspapers such as people being immature and stupid instead of on a computer. Any of the devils cannot type in comments on this newfangled contraption because they are not people such as keeping everyone so busy that they do not even make it a priority to get acquainted to others so they become friends.

  3. The anarchist who is anti-prison, anti-war and anti-establishment Says:

    It seems like someone cant just say a weak link in the chain. Because if that happens it cannot hold itself together as well. By the way our leaders forcing people against their will to travel with drivers licenses and license plates is wrong morally and spiritually. That is unbiblical to do that to Christians. That is how our leaders keep everyone on a lease is by imposing licenses on them and dehumanizing them if they do not have one in the form of being kidnapped while handcuffed and caged as a animal while being held hostage in a hellish prison that is boring till a ransom is paid.

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