Terrible News Tuesday, No. 5: No Moore, please!
My servants, have you ever heard of a guy named Roy Moore? No? Good. I hope you never hear of him. He is trouble for my kingdom on earth, and wants to be a major trouble maker just where I’ve made great gains lately: the United States of America.
Roy Moore, for those who don’t know, is a former Alabama judge known for refusing to remove a Ten Commandments monument from the federal court house (like the one carved into the eastern pediment of the US Supreme Court building). That was bad enough, and I thought I silenced him when on November 13, 2003, I had Alabama’s Court of the Judiciary unanimously remove Moore from his post as Chief Justice.
But no, my servants, listen to this: in an AP story today entitled, “Ten Commandments judge explores presidential run,” I read that Judge Moore is forming an exploratory committee for a possible presidential run!
I almost lost my breakfast, my servants.
This Moore dude is a conservative Christian of the worst kind, my servants. That is, he actually lives his life according to his beliefs. Unlike the current occupant of the United States White House, whom I have groomed to be exactly the opposite, i.e., living his life in direct opposition to his stated Christian beliefs, Judge Moore appears to us down here to be the real deal.
In his first overseas trip as president, Barack Obama assured other nations that America is not a “Christian nation.” Former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore begs to differ.Moore, who rose to national prominence when he disobeyed the order of a federal judge to remove a monument to the Ten Commandments from his courthouse, makes the compelling case that the state must acknowledge the moral principles on which America was founded and that it is not illegal to do so.
Do you see why today is a bad day for me, my servants?
Well let me explain. You are correct in thinking this guy can never win, so why worry? But that is why you are not the Prince of Darkness and I am. Let me enlighten you. The AP article states:
Moore said in a release that he is concerned about what he called the country’s moral, economic and constitutional crisis.
Do you see now?
Yes, you got it! Regardless if Moore can win any nominations or not, the fact that he is drawing attention to America’s moral and constitutional (the two are intricately linked, but don’t tell anyone) crisis to light can only be bad news for me.
My servants, I have worked long and hard to bring America to its current morally decadent politically correct state. I cannot afford to have a presidential contender opposing me so openly as Judge Moore intends to do.
Let’s hope, my servants, that he gets zero press coverage when he begins campaigning.
Let’s hope, my servants, that his fellow conservative candidates distance themselves from Moore’s embarrassing Christian morality.
Let’s hope, my servants, that Moore get’s painted as a backward, gay-bashing, woman-hating, racist, judgmental religious fanatic.
Let’s hope, my servants, for no change.