Osama bin Laden, day one.


This must be how God felt back when I marched up to usurp his authority.  Osama came strutting up like he’s someone, but, of course, he isn’t anymore, so he was soon flailing about and shouting that there must be some kind of mistake.  Then, like everyone else, he turned to bargaining and started looking around to see who’s in charge, just waiting to make his demands.  I just sat back and smiled, thinking this is going to be fun.   Who does this guy think he is? 

I tried to break the ice with this bad boy: “Hey, man, you winkin’ at me?”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But ol’ Osama just looked around with that look I’ve seen a billion times, the look of shocked realization that says, “Uh oh, I think I just wasted my only life, didn’t I?”

I love it.  I waited silently as his eye rolled about the darkness wondering where all his friends were, and wondering suspiciously just who I might be.  This scene is played out daily down here.  Few people realize the sudden jaw-dropping, stomach-wrenching shock that awaits those who refuse to escape my clutches on earth. 

Some come in pride; some come in denial; some come in utter surprise; and still some come in complete expectation.  Osama came in surprised denial, instinctively looking for someone to shout at, order around, or otherwise cover for him.  But I saw the squint in his eye as he realized that he was suddenly and completely alone, separated from all that is good, which even by his standards is a terrifyingly paralyzing stretch of separation.

The best description I found for the dynamic we see played out here every day comes from a book written by Godpunk Randy Alcorn, entitled Safely Home:

One moment after men die, they know exactly how they should have lived. But then it is too late to go back and live their lives over again. Too late for the unbeliever, in the jaws of hell. But also too late for the believer, who cannot relive his life, remake his choices, this time following his King more faithfully.

And I got to watch Osama’s moment.

I get to watch a lot of moments.

In fact, I relish these moments because each one is another confirmation of just how well I deceived another image-bearing person into believing a false gospel, a false religion, or a false philosophy. 

But truth floods the eternally existing being of each new irredeemable theist who tumbles in my gates, a terrifying truth of a life wasted both on earth and in eternity.

Osama is just one more wasted nobody in Hell now.

Of course, I did enjoy telling him that we’re clean out of virgins down here.

Ha ha ha ha ha.


4 Responses to “Osama bin Laden, day one.”

  1. I get the point of this blog is supposed to be a joke, but do you really think you’re acting in the spirit of Christian charity to assume that someone is in Hell? Or to assume that any soul is outside the scope of God’s mercy? No, Obama did not live a good life. His soul was most likely in a state of mortal peril when he died. But to depict him thrashing around in hell? And then laughing about it? Bad taste, in my opinion.

    • satan's little helper Says:

      I ran this past Satan, and he asked me to relay this to a “Sarah”:

      Maybe you prefer “gnashing” to “thrashing” in Hell? I recall someone using this uncharitable term to describe those eternally locked in my Hell. And this same person said there would be many, many that come this way with no recourse to his mercy once they are here. Somewhat in bad taste, I suppose.

      Of course, you are right that he’s does not consider it a laughing matter. In fact, he’s saddened, even for Osama (and Obama, for that matter).

      But I’m not him. And there is no Christian charity here. No mercy either.

      And be sure that I assume nothing, my pretty. I only watch the words of Jesus come true about the broad way leading straight to me. Many are those who go that way, and you know them on earth by their fruit.

      If you think otherwise, your beef is not with me.

      It’s no joke, Hell, Sarah. That’s why I laugh.

      But I do appreciate your comment. Do come back.

  2. I think you mean “Osama”, Sarah. Minor mistake. We all make it from time to time.

  3. I was wondering if the “Evil One” has particularly gruesome levels of hell reserved for those souls who were nasty individuals on the mortal plain; e.g. Hitler, Bin Laden, Pol Pot, etc.? Or is it more Marxist where all are equally miserable?

    Have to admit, your blog, as ancient as its teachings are, is quite a refreshing read.

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