Move over Charlie Sheen!
My servants, I must say that I’ve stayed away from the whole Anthony Weiner affair for a few days. Not because I wasn’t relishing every salacious moment. But sometimes there is no need for me to comment on such exhibits of my dominance in the lives of men. The very facts themselves show the world to what depths of sin and depravity I’ve led the greatest nation on earth.
But today my pride cup overfloweth as I realized Anthony Weiner’s forced apology and the culture of perversion-sensitized ignorance that unflinchingly listened to it go to show my success to an even greater degree. Let me explain.
My global friends, I’m sure you have heard of Mr. Weiner, the United States Congressman who sponsored the Keeping the Internet Devoid of Sexual Predators Act of 2007. Yes, Mr. Weiner proved the need for, and the impotence of, such legislation by revealing himself to be a serial internet sexual predator.
Mr. Weiner the Righteous, who lords over Americans had this to say in 2007:
“Sadly, the Internet is the predator’s venue of choice today. We need to update our strategies and our laws to stop these offenders who are a mere click away from our children.”
And we’re going to trust his knowledge? Maybe they were mere children? Does it matter?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
But listen, my servants, and let me share what you should notice from this whole wonderfully sordid episode. Step back for a moment, and consider with me just what we are witnessing here. The Americans are now in a national conversation on the topic of whether a married elected public official who admittedly sent lewd pictures of himself to multiple women multiple times, was dumb enough to get caught, lied about it, and who acted (and continues to act) arrogantly toward others who dare question him, should keep his job.
Pinch me, my servants! Is this really a serious question?
Step back with me, my friends. First, can you even start to imagine George Washington doing this? Abraham Lincoln? Even Bill Clinton? George and Abe would not have because they know it’s wrong; Bill would not have because he’s too smart (or at least too smart to get caught). Which means the Americans have an exposed, morally degenerate, tax-funded idiot as an elected lawmaker. Is this the America that once was?
This is a wonderful sign of the times, my servants. Reprobate men believing themselves accountable to no one, feeling no shame but the false shame of regret. It’s a beautiful thing. I am proud.
But more importantly, my servants, consider my second point. Can you believe that there is any question as to whether or not this pervert of mine should resign in permanent shame?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
The best the Americans can do is call for an “ethics inquiry” to see if Mr. Weiner used any “official resources” to practice his predatory perversion on American citizens?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
This is too good, my friends. My servants, we have a Weiner! I am going to start a new catchphrase for my kingdom: Weining!
Every time the facts show a culture so sexually saturated that perverted, lewd, behavior produces no more than a collective “inquiry” into academic questions of technical details, we can all yell Weining!
In this case, the very fact that my little Weiner is defiantly insisting he won’t resign his office of public trust, and the Americans are countenancing this scoundrel’s sick and twisted pubic distrust with no more than an “inquiry” into what “resources” were used, delights me greatly.
This is my will on earth as it is in Hell.
Mr. Weiner, though it’s no doubt been hard on you, and maybe even your wife, I thank you for showing the world just how far we’ve come.