Gallup’s poll: What, me worry?
Bad news that is good news on the wires today, my friends. Which is much better than Good News which is bad news. I worry about Good News spreading; it’s always bad news for my kingdom. But today’s bad news is actually good news for my kingdom. Why should I worry?
Confused? Let me explain.
Many of you have wondered about my reaction to a recent (June 3, 2011) Gallup poll that shows more than 9 in 10 Americans continue to believe in God.
I know, my servant, I know.
It’s strange but true. And I love the title of the Gallup report: “More than 9 in 10 Americans Continue to Believe in God.”
Continue? It’s as if the Gallup people are incredulous. They must lump belief in God with belief in phlogiston, aether, and other invisible substances formerly used to explain nature, but which modern science has debunked. Honestly, who could possibly still believe in God?!?
But they do, those backward, superstitious, knuckle-dragging Americans.
And, yes, it is bad news of a sort, but only of a sort. In fact, it is good news when you think about the real implications.
Question: How can a country in which 90% of the people believe in God act just like a country in which 90% of the people don’t believe in God?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Do you get it, my servants? Belief in God, while it stings a bit, rarely affects my kingdom one whit!
Look at it this way, my friends: I believe in God. I would be lumped in that 90% crowd. I not only believe in God, I know God personally. You might even say I have a personal relationship with God.
So believing in God, even having a so-called “personal relationship” with Jesus doesn’t really mean anything.
Consider: do you think the situation in America would be any different if the Gallup poll showed 10 out of 10 Americans believe in God?
You are right. 100% belief in God would not make any difference. After all, 100% of the people in Hell believe in God.
Here’s the way to think about this, my servants. And, please, this goes in the Confidential File. I trust you have a password-protected file on your computer into which you store these confidential communiques.
Here it is: It’s not those who profess a belief in God that harms my kingdom; it’s those who take God seriously and act on that belief that harms my kingdom. And those people are few and far between.
Do you think television would be filled with soft porn if 9 out of 10 people in America took God seriously? Broadcasters would lose 90% of their audience overnight.
Do you think abortion would ever have been legal, much less still be legal, if 9 out of 10 people took God seriously? Abortion clinics would disappear for lack of victims.
Do you think politicians like Weiner, Frank, Pelosi, and Obama would keep their jobs if 9 out of 10 people in America took God seriously?
Do you think America’s almost-majority slacker class of those shamelessly freeloading on others would remain if 9 out of 10 people took God seriously?
Do you think America’s science classrooms would dogmatically reject on an ideological basis alone any evidence for design in nature, opting instead for an evidenceless theory of Darwinian magic if 9 out of 10 people took God seriously?
Do you think boyboys and girlgirls would be ordained as so-called ministers in “churches”, much less boyboysex and girlgirlsex celebrated as healthy, if 9 out of 10 people took God seriously?
Do you think same-sex marriage would ever be legally sanctioned and even taught as healthy in schools if 9 out of 10 people in America took God seriously?
You get the idea.
So when I hear that 9 out of 10 people in America believe in God, I have only one response: Seriously?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
And the beat goes on.