Beating the Pope

PopeTweet.

Did you see, my servants, that the Pope tweeted for the first time?  I’ve been tweeting for months now.  What took him so long?

According to the AP report, Pope Benedict tweeted:

Dear Friends, I just launched News.va Praised be our Lord Jesus Christ! With my prayers and blessings, Benedictus XVI.

Hey, he was 22 characters short of perfect with that.  Did you notice? 

But this signals a new front in the battle for hearts and minds, my servants.  I urge you to ignore all tweets from the Pope, and never, never visit his newly launched website, www.News.va.

I almost always succeed in leveraging technology for my purposes.  Television, computers, smartphones … you name it, I usually own it.

Look how television has changed since its widespread inception.  What once showed wholesome, uplifting, and meaningful content now shows soft porn, shallow dramas, and general idiocy.

Ha ha ha ha ha.  I own television.

Computers and the internet were developed to speed communication, provide a channel for widespread information dissemination, and general good for mankind.  Now it is used for every evil purpose, including soft and hard porn, illicit virtual hook ups among married people, and a channel for visual depiction of every evil of mine.

Ha ha ha ha ha.  I almost own the internet.

Now I’m working on smartphones, ensuring that they come porn-enabled for everyone, including children, and causing all God-positive apps to be removed.  I’m working to make sure that all apps either promote Godless lifestyles and thinking, and/or promote idleness in mindless games.

Ha ha ha ha ha.  I’m working on owning smartphone technology, including apps.

But having the Pope tweeting represents a minor setback to the advancement of my virtual kingdom on earth.  Fortunately few will likely read his posts and fewer still will heed his words.

As for me, my friends, I count on you to guarantee that I have more Twitter followers than the Pope.  That’s a large order to fill, I know.  He has many more people who believe in his existence than do I. 

So spread the word, my servants.  Tell people about MY website and follow MY tweets. 

But in any event, at least on this point I can say that I beat the Pope.

Ahhhhh.

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4 Responses to “Beating the Pope”

  1. Funny, funny stuff! I love the tone of the ha ha ha ha followed by a statement. It’s good comical rhetoric.

  2. The evil internet Says:

    I am evil. And the T.V. is evil because the devils work through those things. Just as the Devil does not want to talk about how God casts him into the lake of fire. Too many pastors don’t want to preach about that on the Devils tool called T.V.

  3. Veronica Says:

    This evil invention that is a computer was made to take away free speech from people so they would not speak the truth on television and instead it is relegated to this computer called the internet which is a non-primitive mechanism. Cops and soldiers always faithfully follow the devils as do wicked and demonic governments that commit the crime against their own people of violating their rights including the right to travel freely. Why doesn’t anyone question their leaders on national television nowadays? Why hasn’t anyone questioned Donald Trump about why he wants to keep imprisoning people for anyway?

  4. Pontius Pilate Says:

    Are Esther Dawson, Greg Osborne, Chris Neilsen, Steve Ross and Rick Durrett a music group lead by a Satan worshipping witch who leads them in worshipping Satan? They call themselves “coven”. They look like immorally hypocritical Satanists who are afraid to show the world that is what they believe in since they do not even want to wear wicked and satanic pentagrams that blaspheme the star of Bethlehem. Why is that? Most Satanist do wear pentagrams. Even Peter Gilmore probably does.

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