3 in 10 Americans don’t worry me

Quote of the Day:  But overall I love the mere confessors, because virtually all of them are lukewarm, just the way I like it.
Gays kissin’ and dissin’ (what’s missin’?)

Literal.

What would happen, my servants, if one person on earth believed, I mean really believed, that the Bible was the actual word of the living God?  Well, of course, there was one person for whom that was actually true, and he almost destroyed my kingdom single-handedly. 

I often wonder why he didn’t.

And today there are many, many people who threaten my kingdom by similarly believing that God exists and obey his word as being literally true.  That combination of beliefs in a person signals a clear and present danger to my kingdom, and I deploy my most effective resources against such people. 

I can usually neutralize the impact of true believers by ensuring they experience either severe trials of their faith or extreme material blessing.  Both tend to result in a spiritually crippled believer; one dragging down to despair and the other conning into complacency.

I’ve used both techniques on the world for years with great results.  The numbers of people who believe the Bible to be the literal word of God shrink daily.  In the West I’ve leveraged primarily material blessing together with higher education and the lie of politicoreligious pluralistic mumbojumboism to steadily numb the spiritual senses of people. 

Weak and lazy minds distracted by the cares of this world work to further my kingdom on earth.

That’s why, my servants, I was surprised to read in my Huffington Post (in the Mumbojumboism section) the headline, “Poll: 3 in 10 Americans Take The Bible Literally.” 

Huh?

Americans?

Sure enough, apparently it’s true.  As stated by HuffPo:

A new Gallup poll reveals that three out of ten Americans believe the Bible to be the actual word of God, to be interpreted literally, word for word.

Well, well.  So many of you Americans have been holding out on me, eh?  I look for people like you 3-in-10’s all the time.  If Gallup had asked me I would have put the number at around 1 in 100,000.  As I roam about the earth, including America, seeking whom I might destroy I focus on exactly your type, you 3-in10’s. 

Where are you hiding?

Wait a minute.  Let me think about this.  Is it possible for someone to believe the Bible to be the actual word of God, to be interpreted literally, word for word, and I not know it?  Wouldn’t an army of 3-in-10’s pretty much put my kingdom in tatters in short order?

By my calculation, 3 in 10 Americans is 100,000,000 Americans! 

100,000,000!! 

One hundred million people, any one of whom could successfully storm the gates of Hell and cause me to flee!  Any one of whom could lead large numbers of my captives to freedom in Christ by the preaching of the gospel, the caring for the poor, and the healing of the hurt and wounded.

I haven’t noticed any particular large scale threat to my kingdom coming out of America.  In fact, I see shrinking church membership, anemic church attendance, and a largely politically silenced impotence among Christians and those who call themselves Christians in the U.S.  (Maybe the 2.9 in10 fall in the latter classification??)

I wonder if God has noticed anything.  Maybe I’ll ask him next opportunity I have to inquire of him, as I did with Job, where I might find a righteous person to persecute.

So, my servants, what are we to make of this putative bad news about American 3-in-10’s?  First, note that the 3 in 10 statistic is down from previous years.  In 1980 and 1984 the number peaked at 40% — 4 in 10!  Second, note that in the same survey 17% believe the Bible to be a book of fables and legends.

And note further, my servants, that responses to the Gallup poll shifted drastically by levels of education.  As reported:

Of those with a high school diploma or less, 46 percent say they take the Bible literally, while only 16 percent of those with a postgraduate degree align with this view.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

What does this poll taken together with real world experience say?  Well, from my perspective it says that 3 in 10 Americans are either uneducated or liars.

Or both.

So we need not be concerned, my friends.  Let the Christians bask in their 3-in-10 status.  It makes little difference to me.

Look at it this way:  do you think America would be any different if 10 in 10 Americans believe the Bible to be the actual word of God, to be interpreted literally, word for word the same way the current 3-in-10’s do?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And the beat goes on.

7 Responses to “3 in 10 Americans don’t worry me”

  1. Though he thrash and trash, the liar will receive his due from the Most High God. Though he number men by men’s numbers, he will ever miss the Glory of He who Lives forever.

    There is no stemming the tide of God’s people. For they do not live by their own will. Nor do they live by the flesh you count. They are bought by the Priceless, and are no longer for sale. And the number of them will be countless to he who counts himself as proud.

    But count! Indeed keep counting. For you will be counted one day.

    by His Grace.

  2. Dear Satan,

    Do not be so sad, there are people even inside the Church that do not believe that God exists. People who profess immanentist movement inside the Catholic Church, for instance, like Liberation Theology theologians.

    See this excellent article about this:

    http://www.catholicherald.co.uk/commentandblogs/2011/07/07/liberation-theology-is-dead-but-not-departed-it-still-occasionally-twitches/

    I wrote about this in my blog (www.thyselfolof.blogspot.com) beginning with Montoneros flag. I am quite sure that you, as Satan, know Montoneros group. Differently William Oddie said, Liberation Theology is not dead. It is in power in Brazil, for instance.

    So, cheer up, Satan.

    Best,
    Pedro Erik

  3. Hey Lucifer, if you keep this up, you just might start convicting us 3 in 10’ers to get off our duffs and get on our knees.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    This Laodicean church has a lot of profession and noisy “worship”. This age may be full of bible literalists, but Satan obviously takes it all quite literally as well. As he obviously knows, what good is unapplied bible literalism? Nobody wants to talk about the end game, even though Solomon preferred the company of mourners to bible literalist optimistic yuppies.
    We are indeed bound up and choked in the thorns and thistles of the cares of this world. Just what is the attraction again? Another insultingly stupid Hollywood movie? A new car? A really great career that is like putting
    your hand in a bucket of water…nobody knows it was ever there once it is gone? Go back to sleep….

  5. Laodicea is not your concern in the first post of this thread. And pointing to men who would rather gain the temporary over the eternal does your cause no good. You’re not talking to men who would trade something for nothing. Your fear is not the Church. Your fear is your own demise.

    And as for acting like you’re someone you’re not:

    You are a man who will die like every other man. We make much of our own death, for there is no fear in our hope. But you. You will and do have much to fear. For, unless you repent of evil, you will die with no hope. The end of those who align themselves with evil is evident by the promise of He who cannot lie.

    Pretend. Go ahead. Make yourself what you are not. It fits the end you seek. Eternity is offered by the sacrifice of Jesus, the Son of God. I encourage you to take it. For you boast as one who “might just win”. By words you dress yourself as someone greater than you. You are flesh and blood. Blind to the Majestic Righteousness of God the Father. The one you pretend to serve would be ashamed of your words. For he has seen the face of God and chose to rebell. You have neither seen the face of God, nor committed that same sin. The judgment of God has already been rendered in the Court of the Most High God. All who stand against His perfect love will not enter one toe into His peace.

    This is my last post on your blog. And I leave you to ponder the fate of those who speak lies in regard to who they desire to be. Unless you have the promise of God in Jesus, you are still nothing. At the moment, you are the one who is acting. As if Hollywood would embrace you.

    By His Grace.

  6. How is it that people set themselves up in judgement and then, in order to keep up the appearance of tacking back into the wind they say something to the effect of “By His Grace.” As if that makes it ok. “Judge not lest yea be judged.” We each use the meager talents we are given to act out our faith as best we are able. While we can judge the ‘fit’ of various ways of living in faith, it is not our place to sit in judgement upon others faith, or lack thereof; down that path leads to being judged by our own lights, a harsh judgement indeed. I would prefer His judgement, as He sees fit to judge, in light of His eternal mercy.

    God grant mercy upon us all, sinners.

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