3 in 10 Americans don’t worry me
What would happen, my servants, if one person on earth believed, I mean really believed, that the Bible was the actual word of the living God? Well, of course, there was one person for whom that was actually true, and he almost destroyed my kingdom single-handedly.
I often wonder why he didn’t.
And today there are many, many people who threaten my kingdom by similarly believing that God exists and obey his word as being literally true. That combination of beliefs in a person signals a clear and present danger to my kingdom, and I deploy my most effective resources against such people.
I can usually neutralize the impact of true believers by ensuring they experience either severe trials of their faith or extreme material blessing. Both tend to result in a spiritually crippled believer; one dragging down to despair and the other conning into complacency.
I’ve used both techniques on the world for years with great results. The numbers of people who believe the Bible to be the literal word of God shrink daily. In the West I’ve leveraged primarily material blessing together with higher education and the lie of politicoreligious pluralistic mumbojumboism to steadily numb the spiritual senses of people.
Weak and lazy minds distracted by the cares of this world work to further my kingdom on earth.
That’s why, my servants, I was surprised to read in my Huffington Post (in the Mumbojumboism section) the headline, “Poll: 3 in 10 Americans Take The Bible Literally.”
Sure enough, apparently it’s true. As stated by HuffPo:
A new Gallup poll reveals that three out of ten Americans believe the Bible to be the actual word of God, to be interpreted literally, word for word.
Well, well. So many of you Americans have been holding out on me, eh? I look for people like you 3-in-10’s all the time. If Gallup had asked me I would have put the number at around 1 in 100,000. As I roam about the earth, including America, seeking whom I might destroy I focus on exactly your type, you 3-in10’s.
Where are you hiding?
Wait a minute. Let me think about this. Is it possible for someone to believe the Bible to be the actual word of God, to be interpreted literally, word for word, and I not know it? Wouldn’t an army of 3-in-10’s pretty much put my kingdom in tatters in short order?
By my calculation, 3 in 10 Americans is 100,000,000 Americans!
One hundred million people, any one of whom could successfully storm the gates of Hell and cause me to flee! Any one of whom could lead large numbers of my captives to freedom in Christ by the preaching of the gospel, the caring for the poor, and the healing of the hurt and wounded.
I haven’t noticed any particular large scale threat to my kingdom coming out of America. In fact, I see shrinking church membership, anemic church attendance, and a largely politically silenced impotence among Christians and those who call themselves Christians in the U.S. (Maybe the 2.9 in10 fall in the latter classification??)
I wonder if God has noticed anything. Maybe I’ll ask him next opportunity I have to inquire of him, as I did with Job, where I might find a righteous person to persecute.
So, my servants, what are we to make of this putative bad news about American 3-in-10’s? First, note that the 3 in 10 statistic is down from previous years. In 1980 and 1984 the number peaked at 40% — 4 in 10! Second, note that in the same survey 17% believe the Bible to be a book of fables and legends.
And note further, my servants, that responses to the Gallup poll shifted drastically by levels of education. As reported:
Of those with a high school diploma or less, 46 percent say they take the Bible literally, while only 16 percent of those with a postgraduate degree align with this view.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
What does this poll taken together with real world experience say? Well, from my perspective it says that 3 in 10 Americans are either uneducated or liars.
So we need not be concerned, my friends. Let the Christians bask in their 3-in-10 status. It makes little difference to me.
Look at it this way: do you think America would be any different if 10 in 10 Americans believe the Bible to be the actual word of God, to be interpreted literally, word for word the same way the current 3-in-10’s do?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
And the beat goes on.