And Put on the Helmet of Damnation


Have you heard about that Austrian dummkopf who convinced authorities to permit his driver’s license picture to include his religious headgear?  Yes, my servants.  You can read yesterday’s BBC article here about Niko Alm, atheist idiot, who claimed his atheistic religion of pastafarianism requires he wear a pasta strainer on his head.  Gute Arbeit, Helm Kopf!


Why, you ask, do you say he’s an idiot?

Isn’t he on your side? you ask.

My servants, come close.  I will impart some kingdom knowledge to you.  I trust that you will keep this confidential.  However, feel free to clue Mr. Alm into his naive foolishness.

As the BBC article notes:

A self-confessed atheist, Mr Alm says he belongs to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a light-hearted faith whose members call themselves pastafarians.

Have you heard of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?  You haven’t?  Well let me clue you in.  The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was formed by a bunch of atheist fools who objected to the state of Kansas’ (USA) efforts teach the scientific truth about where atheists come from. 

Yes, at one point, it appeared the citizens of Kansas were on to my evolution lie and were going to let students in on the truth, which they called “intelligent design.”  Now, I’m no fan of truth, but the reaction of the atheist fools was an attempt at cleverness that threatens to backfire.  The atheist fools (OK, I’ll stop being redundant), the atheists wrote to the Kansas School Board asking for the “pastafarian” version of intelligent design to be taught to school children as an alternative to scientific intelligent design.

The central nondeity of the pastafarians is the flying spaghetti monster, an imaginary creature imagined by fools to be on par with God.  Adherents report sightings, provide propaganda, and actively proselytize.

And to remove all doubt about their cynical seriousness, the pastaheads state this on their website:

Whatever you decide, remember this: FSM is a real, legitimate religion, as much as any other.  The fact that many see this is as a satirical religion doesn’t change the fact that by any standard one can come up with, our religion is as legitimate as any other.  And that is the point.

Yes, that is the point, my servants.  It is the point at which this little prank stops being funny and starts to mightily threaten my kingdom.

How? You ask.

I’ll tell you.  And then I ask that each of you write to the Head Noodle and tell him to stop before he inadvertently poisons his own sauce.

Consider, my servants: What were the pastafarians objecting to in the first place?

Right!  They were objecting to the efforts of a religious group’s version of a creation story being taught to little chillens in Kansas.

And if the general public and the US courts ever catch on that pastafarianism is a religion, what does that mean for the current atheistic creation story taught to little chillens in Kansas?

Do you see my point?

No?  Oh, you of little fear.  How long must I put up with you?

Think:  The reason atheists object to intelligent design as an explanation for the origin of life is because even though it is it self-evidently true it also happens to be compatible with the Biblical creation story (for the most part).  And atheists hate God, hate the Bible, and ultimately hate Truth, so naturally they hate intelligent design.

And in the US the atheists have succeeded in convincing everyone to reject intelligent design in the public schools by trumpeting the sacred  “wall of separation of church and state” as forbidding any mingling of the Christian church and state. 

So far, so good.  But what happens, my servants, if people catch on that Darwinian evolution, which teaches that little chillens are the product of mindless, purposeless processes of nature, is the creation story of the religion of The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?


Yes, my servants, now do you see?  The pastafarians are dangerously close to illustrating, even if in jest, that atheistic beliefs animate many, many religions in the US.  The Flying Spaghetti Monster may be intended to be a joke, but the truth they illustrate is far from funny.

Let me be plainly clear to even the fools who believe themselves wise: atheism is the theology of all manner of religions in the US, all of which hold Darwinian evolution to be their dogma of life’s existence. It is their creation story, and it is taught to school chillens every day.

So the dirty little secret is that there is no separation of church and state in the US.  There is only separation of theistic church and state.  Atheistic church and state are cozily intertwined at every level.

Atheists necessarily hold to Darwinian evolution (that is, they have no choice, regardless of the evidence).  What is taught in public schools?

Atheists have no basis for holding life sacred.  What is taught in public schools?

Atheists have no reason but to celebrate sex as natural, whether it be between boyboys, girlgirls, and whether married or not.  What is taught in public schools?

Atheists have no ultimate authority other than other men, so that government legitimately fulfills the role of provider and protector.  What is taught in public schools?

Atheists believe that people are ultimately good, and it is only society that makes them bad, so people are not to be blamed for their condition in life.  What is taught in public schools?

Get it now?

Yes, I know, my servants, I know.  That’s my point! 

As soon as people catch on that atheism is the theology of atheistic religions, they will realize that their little chillens are being indoctrinated in the dogmas of a religion every day, in the name of “secular” separation of church and state.

That’s why I’m very disappointed in the acts of atheist idiots like Mr. Alm.  He may think he’s funny, but I do not.  He just took one giant step toward the lid being blown of my “separation of church and state” ploy.

Atheist religions are just as much “churches” as theistic religions. 

Let’s hope the Americans never catch on.

Helmethead idiot!


20 Responses to “And Put on the Helmet of Damnation”

  1. Mike N. Says:

    Vouchers. Vouchers. Vouchers. Vouchers.
    Bring back the D.C. voucher system that enabled poor kids to go to schools almost as good as Obama’s kids go to. Obama took away those vouchers immediately after his inauguration and ordered those poor inner-city kids back to the NEA plantation schools.
    Wouldn’t it be nice if a kid didn’t have to ride two hours or more a day on a bus across town just so he could go to a relatively safe school that actually educated kids a little bit? Vouchers would enable that poor kid whom the government schools teachers’ union has doomed to endless hours on a bus to attend a nearby private school of his parents’ choice (maybe even a school that presented a religion other than atheism…imagine…a truth-based ecuation!).
    Our bloated, religiously dogmatic, unsafe, politically correct monster called the U.S. public school system with its attendant thug unions (see Wisconsin), needs to have its money lifeline cut. This monster must die! There are tons of great teachers in that ridiculous system who would blossom outside of its clutches along with their knowledge and freedom-starved pupils. All these liberal politicians and their tax-money-laundering thug unions need to let other people’s kids go to the same type of schools these liberal elites send their kids to. Save the kids! Save the teachers! Kill the monster!
    Vouchers. Vouchers. Vouchers. Vouchers.

  2. Pastor di Semola de Grano Duro Says:

    “But the truth they illustrate is far from funny..”

    But it’s the truth. Unlike tooth fairy science like intelligent design and creationism. The funny part is taking the piss out of religions like theirs and yours. C’mon Satan, you KNOW it’s a Myth…

    RAmen, and May Sauce Be With You!!!

    • You are agreeing with me that “it’s” the truth, noodle boy? Do you know what “it” truth is being illustrated. I like you. No, really, I really like you. I just know we are going to be BFF. LOL. Ha ha ha ha ha.

  3. Pastor Spaghetti:

    You believe atheism to be true, you say? You believe intelligent design and creationism to be “tooth fairy science”?
    I’m willing to hear you out. Bring on the truth. Let the truth chips fly where they may. I am ready to believe in atheism just as soon as you roll out more than your spaghetti strainer mockery as evidence.

    • Pastor di Semola de Grano Duro Says:

      ‘You believe atheism’…oxymoron of the day. Exemplary display of literary skill there mate.

      One does not ‘believe’ in atheism. The word means ‘lack of belief’. That’s what ID and creationism is…tooth fairy science.

      Yah. I know what ‘it’ truth we are illustrating. That ID and creationism is not science or fact, and shouldn’t be taught as such. You seem to be the one confused as to what truth we represent.

      Fine, Satan. I like you too. How can I not like someone deluded enough to think his ‘chillen’ will affect Pastafarianism. We debate the important myths, like Xtnity and X-slam.

      I would suggest you pop in an email yourself, don’t leave it to the imps. Better still, why don’t you try one of those lightning bolts?

      • Ha ha ha ha ha. You are too much, my little foolish friend, but I still like you. You are like a little child to me. But you must study more — atheism does not mean “lack of belief.” Look it up. And think before you embarrass yourself more. You still don’t get the “it” truth I was illustrating, but that’s understandable, knowing your general intelligence level as you display in your comments. And my chillens? That’s not who I referred to, but now that you bring it up, I don’t think they “affect” Pastafarianism, I know they do; Pastafarians are my chillens. Don’t argue with me, noodle brain, you will lose every time. And, by the way, I don’t do lightning bolts. That’s the other guy. You should know that being as you are so smart about “important” myths.

        Live long, my friend, on earth. That’s the best it will ever be for you, it appears. Then you are mine. Forever. Ha ha ha ha ha.

        • Pastor di Semola de Grano Duro Says:

          You don’t do lightning bolts? Yeah, ya do….

          ‘What am I to do, my servants? I tried striking Christ the Redeemer with lightning but could only do minor damage..’

          I know what it is. It’s insecurity, isn’t it? You couldn’t get the power up to knock out a piddly little idol of a false god, so you know you’re not going to make a dent on the FSM (PBUH).

          Will some WGS84 coordinates help? I know, it’s dodgy, unreliable mathematical calculations, based on proven research but it’s the best I can offer.

          Ha ha ha ha ha

        • Good for you, my servant. You win! Ha ha ha ha ha. Lightning bolts? You believe anything, don’t you. I take credit for many things on earth that are not my doing, my friend. If you knew the truth, you would know. In fact, I will take credit for screwing up your mind, when, in fact, you have a free will and merely choose to listen to my lies instead of truth. For the record, lightning is part of God’s creation and I merely try to take adantage of it’s destructive power. But let’s say you win anyway; I know it is important to you. My hope is that you continue learning my will for the rest of your earthly existence and never know the freedom Christ offers out of your life of insecurity and fear. If you persevere in your beliefs (see, atheism is a belief), you may one day hear me say “well done, my good and faithful servant.” In fact, you will hear that welcome message for sure, it merely remains to be seen who will be the speaker. I hope it is me; so far it looks like a sure thing. Go in fear, my loser servant of almost all that pleases me!

        • Pastor di Semola de Grano Duro Says:

          Aaand…your reply is as delirious as the rest of your blog.

          I hit your link. I refer to my previous dictionary quotation.

          Lightning is positive elctrodes meeting negative and forming an arc. Physics, actually, proven time and again by repetitive tests.

          I told you. There is no argument. I’ll take the win though, if you’re offering it.

          Freedom? I am free, free of illusions like ID, god, hell and the devil.

          Seriously, mate. You must have two penises, because you can’t get this silly playing with one.

        • Apologies to you, my friendly Pastor Noodle. A couple of your comments got caught in my devilish spam filter. But I untangled them and let them go just now. Go and live long, my little noodleboy. I do like your style. Anyone who believes they believe nothing and holds to a dogma that rejects all dogmas (as your website states) is my kind of guy. Go, my friend. You confirm the truth that the unregenrated are totally free to believe what I like.

  4. Pastor di Semola de Grano Duro Says:


    noun /ˈāTHēˌizəm/ 

    1. Disbelief in the existence of God or gods

    There is no argument to lose. You’re a dude behind a computer just like me, there is no god or devil, you know this as well as I do.

    I’ve never gone for the red candles and chalk triangles, That pretty much leads to a stunted social life of incense and D&D. I’m Pastafarian so I have strippers and a Beer Volcano to look forward to. Hey, it’s just as believable as a fire-breathing goat with a pentagram tattooed on his head.

    Nothing embarrassing to me about coming into someone’s site and confronting them about their delusion. I’m certainly happy to stand up for another Pastafarian when they are insulted by somebody socially retarded enough to make joke of a murdered child in their blog.

  5. Mike N. Says:

    Pastor Spaghetti:

    You and I may just be “dudes behind a computer” but certainly you would agree that the question of origins is of utmost importance. Do we dare ignore or minimize that importance? I don’t think you would be wasting your time defending your belief in disbelief if you really thought this debate was without significance.
    Can strippers and Beer Volcanoes really do anything but cloud the issue? Isn’t that just putting aluminum foil on your spaghetti strainer?
    By all means have a beer. Then pick up some C.S. Lewis.

    • Pastor di Semola de Grano Duro Says:

      Yep, the question sure is Mike. I’m not surprised to see you recommend Lewis as a reference to creation, I would expect you to refer me to the Buybull next. That pretty much sums it up for me.

      The answers to the questions of origin can be found in this book…The Origin of Species, by Charles Darwin.

      Mike. You cannot ‘believe in disbelief’. Think, mate.

  6. Pastor di Semola de Grano Duro Says:

    Nope, you’re the one that believes anything. I require evidence.

    C.S Lewis? Need I say any more? Try this book, Mike, it answers all of the questions of origins FACTUALLY. The Origin Of Species by Charles Darwin.

    I saw your link Satan. I refer to my post above.

    Conclusion after hypothesis…Satan, you must have two penises, because you simply cannot get this silly playing with one.

    RAmen, and May Sauce Be With You All!

    • Anonymous Says:

      Origin of Species does not address the question of the origin of life. Moreover, it’s a far behind the current science. Darwin didn’t know what was inside of cells, or what DNA was, for example. Google “the modern evolutionary synthesis.”

      So, here’s a question of origins for you: what kind of variations and in what order are required to make a bacterial flagellum, an avian lung, or a mammalian eye?

  7. Pastor di Semola de Grano Duro Says:

    Congratulations Beelzebub!

    You have reached 84 on your email list!

    At that rate, you should match the CotFSM by sometime 3356 A.D!

    Keep on noodling!

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