Post-Hell Christianity? Huh?

Expansive.

Hell in the news again, my servants.  And you just have to love the title of the latest article in my Huffington Post entitled, “Post Hell Christianity and Other Questions of the Afterlife.”  The Huffington Post article, written by Kim Lawton of Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly, asks us to imagine what happens after death.  Is there an afterlife?  Is there a heaven?  Who gets in?  And what happens to those who don’t.  But more importantly, M. Lawton reports on renewed discussion in Christian and so-called Christian circles on the very existence of Hell.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love it.  Post-Hell Christianity?

Really?

How can that be?  There may be a post-Hell worldview, a post-Hell belief system, even a post-Hell religion, my friends. 

But it is categorically impossible to have a post-Hell Christianity

Come to think of it, why do people care?  Really, why are people who have no interest in pleasing God beyond accepting self-approved religious beliefs even concerned with Hell at all? 

In any event consider: How do we know anything at all about Heaven or Hell in the first place?

Huh?  Think, think, think.

Right!  There is only one reason that the concept of Heaven or Hell, much less the very words themselves, even exist in our language: the Bible.

The Bible, and particularly Jesus, were very clear on the existence of Hell, who it was created for (moi, merci), who else is going to populate it (peut-être vous, s’il vous plaît?), and what it is like (vous ne voulez pas savoir). 

And, although I don’t like to advertise for the competition, as well Jesus Christ was very explicit about how to get to Heaven.

So why the discussion? 

Well, my friend Bell has a view on Hell that he’s tried to sell causing others to yell in an effort to quell the rising swell of something that smells.

Go that?  Rob Bell’s, the name.  Robbing Hell’s the game.   You can read what I’ve written about Rob Bell here, here, and here

Here’s how Ms. Lawton sets up the current issue over Hell’s existence.  First she quotes some truth-bearing Godpunk named Mary Vanden Berg, an assistant professor of systematic theology at Calvin Seminary:

There is one sure way to know that you will spend eternal life with God, in the presence of God, and that is through faith in Jesus Christ.

But according to Ms. Lawton’s article: “Bell offers a more expansive view.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.  I like “expansive.”

Expansive means, “Well, yes, the Bible has something explicit to say about Hell, but I prefer to read in my own interpretation of more tangential sayings of Jesus Christ.”

Why?

Why not?  Hey, if truth can be changed merely by believing something different, why not?

Wait . . . hmmmm.

Whatever.  According to Ms. Lawton, “Bell points to Scriptures where Jesus says he is restoring all things and drawing all people to himself.”

In other words, Hell is not where unbelievers spend eternity, because Jesus restores everything to himself and draws all people to himself, which, I’m guessing Bell believes is in Heaven (it’s hard to tell, because Bell relies not on the whole of scripture for his worldview).

Hey, Bell, if that’s true, why preach any gospel at all? 

Hmmm?

Why?

You can get back to me on that one.  In the meantime, keep on preaching the love of Christ absent the judgment of Christ. 

And I will keep on welcoming the BellHellers with Hell’s bells.

But don’t call your preaching Christian.  Because it is not.  A gospel without a literal, imminent, eternal Hell is one of my clever perversions, one of my confusions, one of my deceits, in which people fail to understand the plain teaching of Jesus Christ.

The world may have entered a post-Hell era.  But it is not post-Hell Christianity.  It is merely post-Christian.

Period.

2 Responses to “Post-Hell Christianity? Huh?”

  1. Satan at his best. Fantastic post.

    Congratulations. Nothing to add.

  2. Heck Your Satanic Magnificence… Isn’t Rob Hell is doing a good job for you by watering everything down another notch?

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