Satan Answers Mr. Keller’s Tough Questions.
My my my. Sometimes one of mine outdoes himself in his blind hatred of all things God (true God, that is). Sometimes this servant of mine has a loud voice that gets heard by many, convinces a few, and pleases one. My my my.
When I saw Bill Keller’s article in today’s New York Times entitled, “Asking Candidates Tougher Questions About Faith,” I must admit I was worried. I thought it might be an exposé focusing on the atheistic faith of some politicians, the anti-Christian faith of others, or the general degradation of all things moral and upright by almost every politician.
But I suppose I should have known better. After all, this showed up in my paper of record. And it didn’t disappoint.
Yes, Mr. Keller dumped not on “faith” in general, a necessary element of anyone’s political worldview, but only on sincere God faith of the type expressed by George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Ronald Reagan.
I’m with Mr. Keller on this one, my friends. There is nothing worse for my kingdom than a politician who has a sincere belief in God, and nothing better for my kingdom than a politician who has a professed, but clearly non-existent faith in God.
You will notice Mr. Keller has no problem with Mr. Obama’s faith.
Neither do I.
But consider the faith of Mitt Romney, Michele Bachmann, or horror of horrors Rick Perry, and Mr. Keller begins asking the baited question, “Does it matter?”
For what? For an ordered society where people can live freely in relative peace like they used to do when God was not banished from public discourse?
Yes, I suppose it does matter.
And to press his point, Mr. Keller sent a questionairre to suspect candidates to find out where they stand on questions he believes important. The entire questionnaire can be found on The 6th Floor blog. Just for fun, I have given my answers to his questions below.
Enjoy.1. Is it fair to question presidential candidates about details of their faith?
My answer: Yes, of course. Everyone has faith in something or someone, and the public has a right to know what or who is the object of one’s ultimate faith. Obviously, it is that “something” or “someone” which/who will ultimately drive a politician’s policy choices. I just hope that atheists, and practical atheists like most Democrats in the US don’t get questioned on this point.2. Is it fair to question candidates about controversial remarks made by their pastors, mentors, close associates or thinkers whose books they recommend?
My answer: Yes, it is fair. But the emphasis should always remain on “pastors” and not “thinkers” like Karl Marx, Bill Ayers and others who espouse destructive ideas that I’ve miraculously made standard thought among the political elite, as well as the faculty of most college campuses.3. (a) Do you agree with those religious leaders who say that America is a “Christian nation” or “Judeo-Christian nation?” (b) What does that mean in practice?
My answer: No. America used to be a Christian nation. Of course it is not now. In practice a Christian nation would not kill millions of babies for convenience, celebrate homosexuality as normal, or trash Biblical sexual morality (all three are intimately related). A Christian nation would not ban Christmas displays, censor Christmas carols in public schools, fire teachers for reading Bibles at work, object to crosses in public places (whether inadvertent or purposeful), freak out over after-school bible studies, go spastic over graduation prayers, kow tow to imprisoned terrorists on religious grounds, sue every person for every Christian utterance made in public, or … well, you get the idea.4. If you encounter a conflict between your faith and the Constitution and laws of the United States, how would you resolve it? Has that happened, in your experience?
My answer: I encounter conflicts all the time. The Constitution was written based on an implicit faith in the God of the Bible–an obvious conflict for my purposes. Fortunately, I resolve it by convincing many people that the Constitution is “living” and subject to change based on prevailing morals by consensus. Does it seem like the time is right to make abortion a Constitutional right? Then, by
God moi, I make sure someone finds that right buried in that dadgum thing somewhere.
My answer: Moi? Ha ha ha ha ha. Of course not.6. Are Mormons Christians, in your view? Should the fact that Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman are Mormons influence how we think of them as candidates?
My answer: No. But Mormons can be just as damaging to my kingdom. I hate Mormons almost as much as I hate Christians.7. What do you think of the evangelical Christian movement known as Dominionism and the idea that Christians, and only Christians, should hold dominion over the secular institutions of the earth?
My answer: Frankly, that idea scares the . . . well, the . . . the heck out of me. Fortunately, it will never happen, but I can use the notion to prey upon fears, just as I’ve done with Mr. Keller. Question: Would Mr. Keller care if “Dominionism” was the idea that atheists, and only atheists, should hold dominion over “secular” institutions of the earth. Why not?8. (a) What is your attitude toward the theory of evolution? (b) Do you believe it should be taught in public schools?
My answer: I LOVE the theory of evolution. This theory has done more to advance my kingdom than any other in the history of the world. Of course it should be taught in public schools, but not as Darwin presented it, a tentative scientific theory, but as dogmatic fact immune from criticism. Darwin, a true scientist, included many reasonable scientific objections to his theory of descent with modification in his book Origin of Species. I would not want students to know these objections, all of which continue as refutations to Darwin’s theory today. One of my greatest lies on earth is that Darwinism is ironclad science and anyone who questions it is naïve at best, and evil at worst. (Consider: Darwin’s own book, half of which contains scientific criticism of his theory, could not be taught in public schools today! The criticisms are just as valid today, but they are not allowed to be taught. Darwin would likely abandon his theory based on them.)9. Do you believe it is proper for teachers to lead students in prayer in public schools?
My answer: Are you serious? Of course not. Unless, of course, the prayers are to an ungodly toy deity.
There you have it, my servants.
I wonder how my answers would stack up against the politicians Mr. Keller opposes?
I wonder how my answers would stack up against the politicians Mr. Keller endorses?
Ha ha ha ha ha.