Why am I not a Christian?

Christian.

Blechhh!  I hate the word Christian.  I hate people who are Christians.  I hate hearing Christians praying to God.  I even have a general distaste for those who are not Christians, but who call themselves Christians (and there’s a whole boatload of those folks!)

And do you know why I hate Christians?

I’ll tell you if you promise to not tell anyone else.

Promise?

OK.

I hate Christians because they are so much like me, but I’m not their leader. 

Surprised?

You shouldn’t be.  Pay attention:

Christians believe in God.

I believe in God (and tremble, but don’t let that get out).

Christians believe Jesus is the Christ, the only begotten Son of God, begotten of his Father before all worlds, God of God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father; by whom all things were made. 

I believe Jesus is the Christ, the only begotten Son of God, begotten of his Father before all worlds, God of God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father; by whom all things were made.  I know I was made by him, and I’ve spoken directly with him.  And he defeated me and my death.

Christians believe Jesus Christ came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the Virgin Mary and was made man.

I believe Jesus Christ came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the Virgin Mary and was made man.  I was there when he was born and realized that God had found a way to get a human being on earth without being tainted by Adam’s sin.  Genius!  And I recognized right away that I must kill him.  I started by trying to kill him via King Herod in Bethlehem. 

Christians believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord and giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, rounding out the Holy Trinity.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord and giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, rounding out the Holy Trinity.  I caused Ananias and Sapphira to lie to the Holy Spirit who, in that episode, was called God by the apostles. 

Christians believe the Bible is the word of God.

I believe the Bible is the word of God.  I’ve memorized it, and use it all the time in my work on earth.

Christians believe that Adam’s sin tainted the entire human race, so that every human born of the seed of man is born into sin.

I believe that Adam’s sin tainted the entire human race, so that every human born of the seed of man is born into sin.  I was responsible for Adam’s sin, and it is that sin by which I keep men enslaved.

Christians believe in the bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ.

I believe in the bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ.  It was my clutches of death that he escaped, leading the captives free. 

Christians believe that salvation comes by faith through grace, as a gift of God to those who believe.

I believe that salvation comes by grace through faith, as a gift of God to those who believe.  That’s why I try to steal the seed of God’s word from the ground of men’s hearts as soon as it is sewn.

Christians believe in the return of Christ at the second coming, and in eventual judgment of all people, including me, who will be forever banished with the unbelievers in the Lake of Fire.

I believe in the return of Christ at the second coming, and in eventual judgment of all people, including me, who will be forever banished with the unbelievers in the Lake of Fire.  That’s why I operate with a sense of urgency, roaming the earth seeking whom I may devour.

You get the idea, right?  Basically, I believe everything Christians believe.  I believe in God and I believe Jesus is the Christ, the savior of all who believe in him. 

So here’s a question:  Why am I not a Christian?

11 Responses to “Why am I not a Christian?”

  1. Apparently it’s all about what you do with the information, O Defiant One! You seem to have Pharisaic knowledge, even of Scriptural minutae, yet like the Pharisees, you have your own agenda. You remain your own lord. It’s “your will be done on earth” and not the Father’s. You, Satan, would in fact make a great Pharisee, as Jesus told your children in John 8:44.

  2. joeclark77 Says:

    Is salvation even available to Satan? I was under the impression that it was God’s offer to mankind only, not to fallen angels. Regardless, Satan would have to choose to repent of sin and choose to serve God at the very least, neither of which he seems to do.

  3. You are not a Christian because you won’t receive the gift of God, which is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord.

  4. It’s pretty simple…pride. “It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.”

  5. Tater’s answer is very nice and clean. Essentially I agree with him… however… Faith is the fire wherein the Gold of Salvation is proved through works. Satan is not a Christian, just like many another sentient being who will say “Lord Lord” on the day of judgement… because you prefer Slave-ation to Salvation.

    You have enslaved yourself and your followers with the chains of vengeance, envy, greed, sloth, lust, gluttony, and as is often the case first and foremost… PRIDE.

    Admittedly, we all commit those sins. Yet we often regret, Satan (and those seduced by him) do not. We are ashamed of our sins and hope for Gods forgiveness, Satan (and those seduced by him) do not. We are humbled by our weakness and strive to be better persons, Satan (and those seduced by him) do not.

    When the critical test comes (which Satan often designs) and we can choose between doing good even if it costs us personally, or letting the bad happen. “Hey, it is none of our affair, it’s not our problem, it’s none of our business.” In small things and large, we step forward and make it our business, we choose to help, to speak up, to do the right thing. Yes, even when all of those around us do NOTHING! Each time we have the courage of our faith to act, it is then that the Golden character of our soul is proved and we are saved. The Glory of pleasing God in that act, and knowing He is pleased in our soul, that is the secret heaven on earth that is true faith. Faith revealed in action, not the mere hollow faith of words.

  6. AnnonGMasta Says:

    Thank you so much Floyd Alsbach and Tater. Thank you so very much. May God bless you both and the author of this blog.

  7. You’re not a Christian because you don’t “do the will of my Father”, says Jesus

  8. It’s just that simple

  9. Because, Satey ol’ boy, you don’t have saving faith. You have, at most, historic faith; to sort of faith which consists in knowing about Jesus as “some guy or other”, but does not include a personal relatinship to Him – as saving faith does. Someone with saving faith loves Him, and obeys Him, however weakly – you don’t even want to do either. It’s a bit difficult to be a Christian, if your purpose in life is to rebel against Him, resist Him, reject Him, and be the enemy of His People. So now you know.

  10. You know the truth but fail to follow it. In your rebelion, against God, and in your belief of being equal to God you were cast out along with the others in heavenly host whom you decieved. You are the Father of lies, an angel of light, appealing to the senses and forever set against God and all of his creation. You are the deceiver, the destroyer. You rally for the souls of men to join you in rebelion and separation from God, now and in eternity. For those whose souls you cannot claim, you work all the more ferverently against. Wedging yourself where you can between man and God, if man would allow it, knowing that if you cannot have their souls, you might still wreak havoc on their lives. You look remarkably like the truth, as the greatest lies do, but the truth strikes fear in your very core, for your only victory lies only in defeat.

  11. Just think of the ‘christians’ that tried to cast out the demon in the book of Acts. The sons of Sceva. Foolish s o b’s. (pun intended). Demon says to them, “Jesus we know. Paul we know. Who are you?”
    This is christianity in general today. I spit them out.

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