I wish Christians would just stay in church buildings

Home churches.

You know, I’m sure, that I hate homes.  And you know that I hate churches (at least churches of people who worship the true God).  So can you imagine my horror at the prospect of a church in someone’s home?

Blechhhh!

It took me almost 300 years, my servants, to push churches of Godpunk Jesus worshippers out of homes and into special buildings called “churches.”  I successfully moved large numbers of people from a personal setting into impersonal buildings and effectively changed the meaning of the term “church” from an assembly of people into the name of a special-purpose building.

I’m good, I know.

No, really, I know.

But, my servants, as you may know, the phenomena of “home churches” has had something of a resurgence over the last couple of decades.  In China, in Africa, even in the United States of Pervertia, it seems that people who love God instead of me are rediscovering the power of small meetings close to friends and neighbors.

And I don’t like it.

Which is why, my servants, I was delighted to read in today’s news out of Los Angeles (those what???) a story that chilled my heartless being.  In a story entitled, OC Couple Threatened With $500-Per-Meeting Fines for Home Bible Study, I read about my servants on earth doing my will on earth: stopping home churches.

For my non-American friends, “OC” is “Orange County” which is where Los Angeles, the city of my angels, is located.  And get this, those Godpunk scoflaws, by the names of Chuck and Stephanie Fromm, live in San Juan Capistrano, which according to the news story:

. . . was founded as a mission in the late 1700s by Catholic priest Junipero Serra, who established a local chapel that remains the oldest standing building in California.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love it!

I’m winning!

City officials already fined the Fromm’s  $300 earlier this month for holding what the city officials called “a regular gathering of more than three people.”

Three people?  Hmmm.  I wonder where they got that number from?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

They should make it two people, because wherever two or three are gathered in Jesus’ name . . .

I’ll work on that.

For now, my servants, be assured that I am diligently working through those who do my will on earth to shut down these insidious gatherings. 

And do you know why?

Of course you do, but let me tell you anyway.

Because small gatherings of God lovers, intent on loving those around them, accepting those unlike them, and ministering to those in need, have the potential to rip my kingdom apart.

I don’t like big churches of large numbers of people.  Because honestly, most of those have little impact on my kingdom.  But these little guerrilla groups of committed Christians embedded in neighborhoods like little cells of praying and doing kingdom destroyers?

Those I must stop.

Fortunately, I have my little helpers in the form of “city officials” who I can call on to enforce my will.

And no one can stop them ultimately, because I’m turning cities and officials across the globe to do my will on earth.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

11 Responses to “I wish Christians would just stay in church buildings”

  1. Nice post! I happen to have attended one of those meetings last wednesday (in Holland that is, since I live there), and this post provides a nice perspective on that. Lucky for us no one is fining us ( yet😉 ).

  2. It seems that your First Rule (Never Read the Bible) is law in Los Fallen Angels.

  3. So wait they are fining people for doing something that isn’t against the law in their own home? Something doesn’t smell right about this, and I would sue anything that moves.

  4. I think it may be time for me to start a home church.

  5. satan, your geography is off — OC is Orange County, separate from and not a part of Los Angeles. LA is in LA county.

    The home mentioned is in extreme south OC, so, 60 miles or so from LA.

    Your team has expanded its reach.

  6. If the christians attack you, then you should know that the ‘sheep lure in, wolves devour you’. They have a leader, like an apostle and prophet, the throne of david, etc. that are controlling the sheep. Cut off the head and the sheep will scatter. Find the leader. Some of you are witches, sorcerers, and gifted psychics. You know how to summon demons after these christians and prey on their weaknesses. “A house devided falls.” So cause them to fight each other, and their ‘leaders’. The leaders are usually liars and thieves. Hypocrites. I spit them out.
    Beware. The leaders of christianity also have psychic powers. So work in groups to protect yourselves.
    The honest christians will usually see the error of christianity and abandon it. It is the wolves I am talking about. Take them out. By all means you can find. If you want to. If they provoke you.
    I heard somewhere about a book called ‘the book of secrets’ by David Icke. I read it and it seems interesting.

  7. vengeance Says:

    St. Matthew’s seed faith prayer by letters are a scam. They are christian prophets that steal you money. Their prophecies were wrong every time. Over and over again. Because hell (earth) is repitition. “Born in sin, come on in.”
    I give them that are liars in this church to you oh Satan. They have no names on their letters. The mail gets sent to Tulsa Oklahoma.
    May the money the stole from me, and the time and energy and money other christians stole from me betray them. When the great disasters come to this nation America with economic collapse, may they die of hunger. May people curse God and deny Jesus Christ because of them.
    The book of Acts remake: Simon the sorcorer says to the apostle Peter, “To hell with you and your holy ghost sermon, because you thought that the holy spirit could be used to steal money from ‘stupid’ people”.
    Peter laughs, “We did’nt think. We knew.” SUCKERS.
    May the liars and thieves be accursed. All of you witches and satanists out their, use your witchcraft (if you want) and find these frauds and curse them. I give you food sources. Now you can eat them.

  8. Very interesting blog. You might like mine too.

    http://notesfromthebridge.wordpress.com

    Christopher “Captain” Kirk

  9. That’s ‘the biggest secret’ by David Icke. ‘The Book of Secrets’ is by Osho. Ancient tantra. Techniques of power. While David Icke talks about reptilians, the ‘Sons of the Gods’ Genesis chapter 6. I checked online Strong’s concordance on that verse. It has God and God’s, so if David Icke is right about it then we can toss out the Almighty for ‘spawning’ these lizards. Nefilim.

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