I wish Christians would just stay in church buildings
You know, I’m sure, that I hate homes. And you know that I hate churches (at least churches of people who worship the true God). So can you imagine my horror at the prospect of a church in someone’s home?
It took me almost 300 years, my servants, to push churches of Godpunk Jesus worshippers out of homes and into special buildings called “churches.” I successfully moved large numbers of people from a personal setting into impersonal buildings and effectively changed the meaning of the term “church” from an assembly of people into the name of a special-purpose building.
I’m good, I know.
No, really, I know.
But, my servants, as you may know, the phenomena of “home churches” has had something of a resurgence over the last couple of decades. In China, in Africa, even in the United States of Pervertia, it seems that people who love God instead of me are rediscovering the power of small meetings close to friends and neighbors.
And I don’t like it.
Which is why, my servants, I was delighted to read in today’s news out of Los Angeles (those what???) a story that chilled my heartless being. In a story entitled, OC Couple Threatened With $500-Per-Meeting Fines for Home Bible Study, I read about my servants on earth doing my will on earth: stopping home churches.
For my non-American friends, “OC” is “Orange County” which is where Los Angeles, the city of my angels, is located. And get this, those Godpunk scoflaws, by the names of Chuck and Stephanie Fromm, live in San Juan Capistrano, which according to the news story:
. . . was founded as a mission in the late 1700s by Catholic priest Junipero Serra, who established a local chapel that remains the oldest standing building in California.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
I love it!
City officials already fined the Fromm’s $300 earlier this month for holding what the city officials called “a regular gathering of more than three people.”
Three people? Hmmm. I wonder where they got that number from?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
They should make it two people, because wherever two or three are gathered in Jesus’ name . . .
I’ll work on that.
For now, my servants, be assured that I am diligently working through those who do my will on earth to shut down these insidious gatherings.
And do you know why?
Of course you do, but let me tell you anyway.
Because small gatherings of God lovers, intent on loving those around them, accepting those unlike them, and ministering to those in need, have the potential to rip my kingdom apart.
I don’t like big churches of large numbers of people. Because honestly, most of those have little impact on my kingdom. But these little guerrilla groups of committed Christians embedded in neighborhoods like little cells of praying and doing kingdom destroyers?
Those I must stop.
Fortunately, I have my little helpers in the form of “city officials” who I can call on to enforce my will.
And no one can stop them ultimately, because I’m turning cities and officials across the globe to do my will on earth.
Ha ha ha ha ha.