When Bible Illiterates Control

Illiterate.

Here’s a question for you, my servants: what’s the difference between someone who can’t read the Bible, and someone who doesn’t?  If you can answer that question correctly you are well on your way to understanding how I establish my kingdom on earth as it is in Hell.  Because the primary obstacle to my complete control on earth is the presence of the Bible in the hands of men who are not ashamed and who correctly handle the word of truth.  Blechhh!

So what’s the difference?

Right! Nothing!

There is no difference between the person who can not read the Bible and one who does not read the Bible.

I give you credit, my faithful friends; it took me years to learn that one.  For centuries I tried to destroy the Bible, ban the Bible, burn the Bible, and in every way possible try to remove the Bible from the face of the earth.  I had my kings issue edicts, my councils draw up penalties, and my lords punish publishers.

To no avail.

I failed at every effort.  Despite my worst, the Bible grew to be the perennially best-selling book of all time.  I must say, my servants, it was quite embarrassing.

And then I noticed something.  All over the earth every best-sold Bible tended more often than not to sit on a table or shelf unopened.  Comfortable Christians and those who call themselves Christians the world over bought Bibles aplenty, only to leave the holy words in the dark confines of closed pages.

So I changed my tactics, my servants.  Rather than try to stamp out the Bible, I started distracting Christians.  Sometimes I used the deceitfulness of riches and the cares of this world, sometimes I used trials and tribulations.  In either instance, 9 times out of 10, the Christian left the Bible unopened.

Today, even in many churches across Western cultures the Bible remains unopened.

I’m good. I’m really good. (And humble).

And when Christians leave their Bibles unopened, the culture at large becomes Bible illiterate.  And a Bible illiterate culture moves like water downhill to a culture that does my will on earth.

Let me give you an example that made us laugh down here today, my servants.  According to an AFP story in Yahoo!News entitled, Obama: God backs jobs plan, President Obama, who I can assure you rarely reads the Bible for meaning, said today that “even God wanted to put Americans back to work.”

Now, of course God does want Americans working, but what is President Obama doing channeling what God “wants”?  Since when does Obama care what God wants?  What, Father Obama do you think God wants for unborn children?  What, Rabbi Obama, do you think God wants with respect to the marriage covenant?

Huh?

In fact, Obama’s clumsy Biblificity came in the same breath as he rebuked Congress for passing a bill reaffirming the US motto “In God We Trust”!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But it gets better, my friends.

Obama further showed his theological mala fides as he exposed his Bibleignoranimity by stating:

I trust in God, but God wants to see us help ourselves by putting people back to work.

Just where does God say this, Rev. President?

The fun got funner when Obama’s spokesman, Jay Carney, denied that Obama had gone too far in ignorantly representing a God he does not know, by clarifying:

I believe that the phrase from the Bible is ‘the Lord helps those who help themselves’.

Actually, Brother Carney, that phrase is not in the Bible.

And now the funner fun gets even more funnerific.  Right Reverend Carney, according to a Politico.com story, is quoted in the full quote as saying:

Well, I believe the phrase from the Bible is, “The Lord helps those who help themselves.” And I think the point the President is making is that we should — we have it within our capacity to do the things to help the American people.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you see what is happening, my friends?

Remember a person who does not read a Bible is no different from a person who does not have a Bible.

Here we have two Bible illiterates trying to invoke the Bible for a liberal talking point.  Not only do Obama and Carney “quote” a non-Biblical truth as Biblical, Carney then uses the non-Biblical quote to stand for the exact opposite proposition!

What Carney said:  “God helps those who help themselves. Therefore, we must help the people (because apparently God does not).”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And these people control your country, you Americans.

Close.

We are very close to my will on earth as it is in Hell.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

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12 Responses to “When Bible Illiterates Control”

  1. You don’t suppose Carney is short for “carnival,” as in the Renaissance festival in which all social and moral norms are inverted and a fool is crowned king? Because then, Carney’s support of Obama’s Biblical knowledge would be quite appropriate!

  2. Devil,

    First, correct “Borther Carney”, I think you mean Brother, but one never knows.

    Then, yeah, you make a good job in 2008 election in the US.

    • Done! Thanks, Pedro. Now I need to go fire my editor. I have a real problem, you know. It’s hard to threaten workers with bad consequences down here. I mean, what worse can I do??

      • Rebellion in Hell, editor and workers betraying the Devil?
        Well, maybe they are trying to be closer to the heaven. This is really a risky move, indeed, but they know the consequences.

  3. And these people control your country, you Americans.

    Oy, DB, thanks for reminding me. (Pardon me while I go slam my head in the trunk of the car.)

    Seriously, though. Excellent post.

  4. Reading this I would almost be glad to be Dutch, if it weren’t for the fact that Holland is way more pagan than practically any other country in the world…

  5. Heck I was surprised that they even made an effort to pose as people who had EVER read the Bible. How many ‘smart’ people vetted/reviewed that speech, and Mr. Carney’s remarks… is the entire Black House staff really that ignorant? You are truly the Master manipulator oh Satan!

  6. vengeance Says:

    So far as the rogue shaman (mexican apostle) and his female prophet. Any and all deliberate deception such as liars, thieves, spiritual rape, etc. You know who I speak of Satan. If they are in this catagory and deliberately screwed me, then let them be accursed. Satan, take the worthless Mother F******.

  7. I would like to explain what people refer to as “The Gospel” or “Good News”. In this explanation, I will discuss God’s grace, which unfortunately so many people do not understand or have never been clearly explained.

    Unfortunately, many people attend a Christian church regularly (or attended one in the past) but have never been clearly taught what the Bible stresses as the most important decision that one could ever make. It is only in making this decision that one actually becomes one of God’s children and is “saved” from His eternal judgment. This decision deals with what is referred to as “The Gospel”. If you have never heard “The Gospel” before, here it is. Around 33 AD, Jesus Christ, who is God incarnate, paid the price for every single person’s sin in history by dying the death of crucifixion at the hands of the Romans. He willingly died for every person’s sin that has ever lived and every will live. That includes both you and me. He willing died a death that we deserve for our moral failures in life. Jesus was brutally beaten, whipped, mocked, spit upon, nailed to a wooden cross, and then died. Three days later, He rose from the dead, as He foretold His disciples (group of followers). Jesus then ascended into heaven forty days later. He currently lives with God, His father, in heaven today. During Old Testament times (times prior to the birth of Jesus Christ – B.C.), people had a keen awareness of their moral guilt, as any honest person still does today. I know that I have wronged many people and have felt a deep-seated guilt within many areas of my life. Many people during Old Testament times sacrificed animals to God as a form of limited atonement for their immoral actions. God often accepted these sacrifices, but only in a temporary and limited way. Over time, God changed this extremely limited form of atonement, as He had planned from the very beginning of time. Moreover, God sent His one and only son Jesus Christ down to the Earth. Since Jesus was both sinless and blameless, He willingly died on the cross as an unlimited atonement. It was in God’s will for His son to die in this way. This unlimited atonement is available to any person who whole-heartedly repents of their sins (moral failures) and then asks God to personally apply Jesus’ undeserved death and resurrection as a payment for their sins. It is imperative here that one believes the crucifixion of Jesus Christ was ultimately an act of God’s grace. God did not have to offer an escape from our moral guilt and eternal punishment. However, God is gracious. He has a compassion and love for people that is indescribable. God wants to “wipe the slate” clean for us, in regards to our moral failures. Through this action, we could then enter a personal relationship with His son Jesus Christ and escape his eternal judgment. The Bible refers to moral failures as ‘sin’, or missing the mark of God’s perfect standard of morality. “Sin” is an ancient archery term for an arrow that missed the target. God is loving in the purest sense of the word and would like to grant us victory over the sins that still haunt us from our past. All we have to do is accept this gift of grace from Him. It is free.

    God promises us a way to become morally blameless and gain entrance into heaven after living our physical live here on Earth. Here is what we must willingly do on our part. First off, we must truly believe that God is gracious and extended His grace by allowing His one and only son to die as a ransom for our sins on the cross. We must admit to God that we have failed morally during our lifetime and that Jesus Christ’s brutal death on the cross is the only sacrifice that could ever forgive our sins. After making this decision (accepting God’s grace), we are immediately forgiven of all past, present, and future sins. In addition, we would be guaranteed entrance into heaven after our physical death here on Earth. We would then live with both God and His son Jesus forever. We would be guaranteed to see all of our loved ones who had made this decision during his or her physical lives on Earth.

    You could make this decision today. Please do not wait for the “perfect time”. You could ask God for eternal forgiveness through applying the death and resurrection of Jesus to your life within the quietness of your bedroom tonight. This is the most important decision that you will ever make.

    So you might be asking, “Where in the Bible does it explain what has just been summarized?” Here are some passages clearly stating that Jesus seeks a personal relationship with us:

    “that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.
    – Romans 10:9-10

    “Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; “
    – Acts 3:19

    “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”
    – John 3:16

    As long as you repent of your past sins (moral failures) from the heart, confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and apply Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection on the cross as a payment for your sins, you are guaranteed eternal life with God in heaven. You can make this decision at any time, anywhere. You can make this decision alone with God or within a group setting.

    Please know that one cannot sit the fence on making this decision of accepting God’s gift of grace. If one chooses not to decide, he or she has still made a choice. This would be like receiving a check (hearing “The Gospel”) but never endorsing and cashing it in at the bank (personally applying Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection towards one’s sins).

    “He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.”
    – John 3:18

    The result of not choosing to accept Gods gift of grace, which offers eternal life with both Him and Jesus in heaven is clear. You will live the remainder of your life here on Earth apart from Jesus Christ and His empowerment. You will then follow your life plan and not His plan for you. After you physically die, you will then be brought to a dark place where there is “weeping and gnashing of teeth”. It is a place of eternal regret. Here, you will remember this very letter and how you were told the truth but chose not to repent and begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Remember, if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. You could be diagnosed with a terminal illness tomorrow or be the recipient of a head-on collision while returning home on that all too familiar, two-lane highway this Friday night. If you are considering starting your personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please do not wait to make this decision. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

    The following passage outlines the only requirements Jesus Christ has set to both gain eternal life and begin a personal relationship with Him while you are still alive here on Earth. He makes it crystal-clear in the Bible what is required…

    “that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.
    – Romans 10:9-10

    God has a plan for your life. You can watch this plan unfold once you accept His gift of grace. This great plan involves your life experience while here on Earth and continues after your physical death on into heaven.

    “For I know the plans that I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”
    – Jeremiah 29:11-13

    Please consider what I have said here. I am not sure if you have ever made this decision before, but I needed to make sure that you had the facts. If you should decide that you want to learn more about the life of Jesus and gain a better understanding of authentic Christianity, I strongly recommend reading the book of John within the Bible (NASB or NIV translation).

    In closing, here is a verse that someone once shared with me that finally brought me into a relationship with God during an extremely low point physically and emotionally. The understanding of Jesus’ desire to know me personally changed my life forever. Here it is:

    “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.”
    – Revelation 3:20

  8. I would say if you can’t read the Bible to pick one up on audio.

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