Christmas “wars” in the news already?

Already?

Get ready, my friends.  At least my friends in the United States, where Christmas has become primarily a culture war struggle and secondarily a pleasant, wholesome holiday.

Did I say “holiday“?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, Christmas is a special time of year, and I’m surprised my fun is starting so early.

But it is.

I read today that Scott Walker (blechhh!), governor of the state of Wisconsin in the USA, is bucking my 20-year trend toward religion-hating secularism, and calling the state Holiday Tree a “Christmas” Tree.

Yes, really!

The story is in today’s Chicago Tribune, my friends.  Entitled “Walker says it’s a Christmas, not holiday, tree.”  Now, everywhere else in the world sane readers are scratching their heads wondering if the Americans have lost their minds.

Yes.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Actually, they have not lost their minds, they have merely let me run amok with their minds.  Americans who actively, politically hate God (there are about 17 in the US) have used the American constitution to completely ruin the collective cultural lives of the remaining Americans who profess a belief in God, or at least don’t care if others do (there are about 200 million in the US).  The Americans, in an effort not to offend the 17 have screwed up American culture, probably permanently.

And it’s all because of me.

Christmas is one of my primary cultural battlegrounds.  Over the years I’ve successfully made “Christmas” a bad word.  It’s a word associated with “religion” and “fundamentalists” and generally banned from all polite discourse, lest someone be offended.

That’s why Scott Walker is in the news today.  You see, as the Tribune story reports, “The roughly 30-foot-tall tree was called a Christmas tree from the first display in 1916 until 1985.”

And what happened in 1985?

According to the Tribune article:  “That’s when politicians bowed to concerns about government endorsing religion and started referring to it as a holiday tree.”

You see?  Are Americans brain-dead, or what?  Calling a Christmas tree a Christmas tree is “endorsing a religion” and is therefore unconstitutional?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I’m good.  I’m really good.

But we need to stop this Walker dude, my servants.  Write him hate mail, and, if you really want to make a difference, support the Madison (Wisconsin)-based Freedom From Religion Foundation.  Yes, this good group of my useful idiots has already come out in opposition to Walker’s decision.  According to the group’s president, Annie Laurie Gaylor, Walker’s decision is “rude and insensitive to non-Christians.”

Preach it, Annie dear!  Make sure that “rude and insensitive” is the standard for deciding these kinds of issues.

Wait!  What if calling a Christmas tree a “holiday tree” is rude and insensitive to Christians???

Shut up, Annie dear!  You will only make matters worse for me and my kingdom with that kind of reasoning.

Oh, this season is going to be fun!

I just hope Annie keeps her big trap shut.

8 Responses to “Christmas “wars” in the news already?”

  1. Annie’s dumber than a salt-eating slug.

  2. Merry Christmas! Happy Christmas! I love Christmas! Without Christmas all we are left with is the White Witch of political correctness and the winter of despairing atheism.
    I refuse to say “Happy Holidays”!! I refuse to sing feminist-destroyed lyrics such as “Good Christian Friends Rejoice”!
    Joy to the world, the Lord has come! Let men (that means you too Hillary and Michelle!) their songs employ! Let fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains repeat the sounding joy!
    Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! A merrier Christmas than I have given you for many a year!
    Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

  3. Wiring Ryde…

    […]Christmas “wars” in the news already? « Satan's Blog[…]…

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