Thanksgiving Classic: Thank the Turkey!
The universe is great, the universe is good, let us thank it for our food.
Thanksgiving (in the United States) is today, my friends. I think I’m going to be sick. Can you imagine what it’s like to work all year making some lives miserable and making some lives fabulously comfortable (both of which tend to turn people from God), only to have practically everyone turn to God in thanks?
That’s why I was sooo glad to read some refreshing news from some atheist servants of mine, who will celebrate Thanksgiving but not give any thanks to the Christian God.
Ahhhhh! That’s more like it.
The story is reported in today’s Religion News Service in an article entitled, “Thanksgiving’s a holiday atheists can believe in.” The article reports about an atheist who “will not be speaking to the Christian God,” but instead:
I’m thanking, first, the universe for allowing me to be alive. I’m thanking my family for being with me, and I give thanks to the turkey that gave its life, the plants on our table, to the Earth itself for being abundant.
Ha ha ha ha ha. I love it! Thank the turkey?
Well, I suppose the turkey will hear this dude just as much as the universe will. Of course, I’m sure the universe will appreciate being thanked first. But mostly it’s delightful for me to read about someone who has exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
Thank the turkey, “that gave its life,” dude.
Funny how these kinds of people often tend to be given over to sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.
But I love it. I love it! Because these kinds of people have exchanged the truth of God for a lie (my lie!), and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator.
Thank you universe. Thank you turkey. Thank you potato. Thank you Earth.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Now, my servants, here is the real reason that universe-thanking, turkey-thanking atheists please me. Because such atheists are deliciously deceived when they believe that by doing so they “will not be speaking to the Christian God.” In fact, they will be speaking loud and clear. They will be shouting to God: SCREW YOU!
Ha ha ha ha ha. I could not have said it better!
Screw you, God! I’m going to thank this stupid turkey, that gave its life for me, before I acknowledge you with one molecule of my created body. I will worship the universe before I whisper one created breath of gratitude to you, you non-existent, unattractive, mythical old turkey!
And the best part of my deception on earth? Such an atheist will deny he is saying any such thing!
My servants, please, if you can get through this Thanksgiving season and not say one word of thanks to God you will have said more to God than you can ever know. And you will please me greatly.
Go. Thank the turkey.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.