No, really, your soul is already “sould”!

Selling. Souls.

My friends, for some reason many people believe I have some kind of magical power over humans, especially in the area of granting fortune and fame to those who sell themselves out to me.  As Wikipedia notes, it seems that a “deal with the Devil, pact with the Devil, or a Faustian bargain is a cultural motif widespread in the West.”  In general, the notion is that a person can offer his or her soul in exchange for diabolical favors.

Favors?

You really want my favor?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Apparently some do.

Thus, about a year ago I received a question on my “Ask Satan” page from someone named Simon who wanted to know how he goes about selling his soul to me.  I answered it, I thought, in a post about a year ago entitled, Sell your soul to me?  Uh, it’s already sold my friend.

I thought.

But I continue to get inquiries, including this one just last week in the comments section of the very post that answered Simon:

“i want to sell my soul how i doin that now can some one help me.”

Then, just yesterday, also in the comments section of the post answering Simon, I got the following request:

“Satan i wanna join you,make md rich and famous.”

Do these people not read??  (Of course, it appears not, based on the fact that they can barely write).

So, once again, at the risk of divulging kingdom secrets, let me elaborate on the following, which I explained to Simon:

While I appreciate your interest, Simon, in fact no sale of your soul to me is necessary because unless you have escaped my captivity by the blood of Christ I already own your soul.

You see, my faithful servants, the very idea of “selling your soul” is misplaced.  Your soul is already sold!

Your soul is already mine!

Why should I pay you with fortune, fame, or any other goodie when I already have your soul?

The only option for you at this time, my servants, is to have your soul redeemed!

Blechhhh!

The very thought.

But let me continue.

Pay attention, my servants, and you will be pleased to know that you need not appeal to me any longer to “sell your soul” to me.  You can rest in peace (let’s hope) in the knowledge that by your very nature as a human being you already belong to me.

There was a time when the earth was inhabited by innocent human beings.  I marveled at these creatures who were unlike any ever created.  They were not mere animals.  They were not angels.  They were not God.

But these walking, talking creations had one attribute that practically drove me mad: they were made in the image of God.

The image of God!  That’s what I wanted!

I tried to set myself up in the image of God and got punished with eternal damnation.  And here were human beings that were made from the git-go in that very image.

I set out to destroy them with the only power granted to me–the power to lie, cheat, and steal by deceiving temptationistification.

And temtationsitificate I did.

There were only two of them.

So I had to act fast.

And I did.

And the only thing God did not create entered the world shortly thereafter: sin.

Now, you are asking yourself, what does that have to do with selling your soul?

Glad you asked.

That wonderful day in the garden I succeeded in tempting the first humans to sin, particularly that man, Adam.  And just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, in this way death came to all men, because all have sinned.

Get it?

Sin entered into the human race through that one disobedient man.

Every person on earth born of the seed of man is born a sinner.

Am I good or what?

You are a not a sinner because you sin; you sin because you are a sinner.

That is, you are born mine!  I already own your soul by virtue of your being born of the seed of your father.

I am good.

The only human not born mine is one not born of the seed of man.

And that’s happened only once.

Blechhhh!

You see, then, you can relax.  You are mine.  And as such, my job now is merely to ensure that you do not ever understand that there is, in fact, someone who wishes to buy your soul.

Yes, there is a redeemer, one in whom you can have your soul redeemed through his blood, for the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.

Blechhh!

Blechhh!

There you have it, my friends.  If I say any more I risk losing you to true riches.

As it is, I enjoy keeping you captive to my riches.

Feel rich?

Yes, you do.

Now move along.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

What?    I’m not good?

Easter?

Oh yeah.  That.

28 Responses to “No, really, your soul is already “sould”!”

  1. You are really smart: “sould”? Great.

    And when you are apologist, you are beautiful:

    “I marveled at these creatures who were unlike any ever created. They were not mere animals. They were not angels. They were not God. But these walking, talking creations had one attribute that practically drove me mad: they were made in the image of God.”

    I felt a kind of J.R.R Tolkien in this fantastic passage.

    Best,
    Pedro Erik

  2. Hiya, Satan. You’re doing a great job of disguising your supreme intelligence and subtlety. I’m curious about something. You say:

    “That is, you are born mine! I already own your soul by virtue of your being born of the seed of your father.”

    You must love abortion, with all those souls sent directly to you. Do you?

    • Sorry — your comment got caught in my spam filter for some reason. But now it is free! You ask a great question, VERY insightful. The answer is complex and deserves a longer answer, which I may do in a post. But consider this: if you were not entirely correct, abortion would be the world’s greatest evangelistic tool ever. Right? In fact, the situation is more nuanced, with ultimate destinies determined by God’s will and preordained purposes. But great question!

      • If ultimate destinies are determined by God’s will and preordained purposes, what’s the point of Christians evangelising?

        You’re the prince of lies and deception, so can you please prove your statement that it’s not a straightforward matter of souls of those who died before birth going to you? If people are sinful by virtue of being human, and you die before you have a chance to accept Jesus as your saviour, it seems logical that you’d then go straight to hell. If you want me to believe something that doesn’t seem logical, I can’t trust your word on it, you’ll have to give me something more solid.

        I smell a rat here, Satan! You’re trying to trick any Christians reading this into believing you don’t get all souls of conceived but unborn humans so they’d become complacent and not worry about them!

        • Ah, I smell an atheist here! My experience is that trying to convince atheists is usually throwing pearls before swine. Atheists are fools–this is one of the few things on which I and God agree. But here is the answer that you will not like: Christians evangelize because they are commanded to, and they are obedient to their Lord. In God’s world he is sovereign over everyone’s ultimate destiny, the born, the unborn, and even atheists. But he commands that Christians preach the gospel so he can save those to whom he gives faith to believe while on earth. Some people believe while on earth. Others believe when they get to Hell. But everyone, including you, will be a believer some day.

          PS: Sorry, my friend, for the delay, but once again your comment got caught in my spam filter. You must be sending from a bad IP address???

        • The Biblical definition of a Christian is someone who has been “converted”, or “born of the Spirit”. God calls you to respond in repentance and faith to His saving gospel message. He will not believe for you.
          There is no Biblical basis for suggesting that God ever sends children to Hell. In fact, Jesus said, “unless you are converted and become like children (not reliant on your own moral efforts but simply responding in faith to what God has accomplished for you in Christ’s sacrifice) then you cannot see the Kingdom of Heaven”.
          There is nothing in the Bible that says our ultimate destinies are pre-determined by God’s will unless you are choosing to believe some kind of hyper-Calvinism. Hyper-Calvinism is not supported by the weight of Scripture or even most Calvinists.

  3. joeclark77 Says:

    It’s been a few years since I took trigonometry, Satan. Can you elaborate on this concept of “forgiveness of sines”?

  4. Ah, I smell an atheist here! My experience is that trying to convince atheists is usually throwing pearls before swine.

    Why would you try to convince me of anything?

    Christians evangelize because they are commanded to, and they are obedient to their Lord. In God’s world he is sovereign over everyone’s ultimate destiny, the born, the unborn, and even atheists.

    God’s world? Is that some other world than this one? That would explain the contradiction between the idea that we have free will and such puzzles as God hardening Pharaoh’s heart so he was unable to be influenced by Moses’ requests for release. The Exodus story happened in a different world – God’s world!

    But he commands that Christians preach the gospel so he can save those to whom he gives faith to believe while on earth.

    God is not very different from the Roman and Greek gods. They played cruel games with humans, and so does he. “I decide your fate, I can harden or soften your heart, I decide to whom I’ll give faith, but I like to see you running around preaching.” It’s in character, though: “I’ll give you this garden and put sin into it, make you fall for temptation (seeing as I am sovereign over everyone’s destiny), punish you, then impregnate a woman with me and kill myself as a sacrifice to me to atone for the sins I am responsible for bringing into the world.”

    Some people believe while on earth. Others believe when they get to Hell. But everyone, including you, will be a believer some day.

    Prince of lies, I repeat my request for evidence. I cannot just trust what you say, you must understand that (it would be foolish, haha). You have still not provided evidence for your claim that God determines the ultimate destiny of everyone, though for argument’s sake I accepted your claim in this reply. Here again is a statement which you are asking me to simply believe, coming from a guy notorious for deception and untruths.

    As for the delay, your responses are reasonably quick, from my point of view. If my comments get caught in your spam filter, check your settings. I’ve never had trouble commenting on any WordPress blogs, and I do so from my own WP account.

  5. There is no Biblical basis for suggesting that God ever sends children to Hell.

    I’m not the one who implied he does, Satan did. I’m merely taking him up on the implication of his statements in this blog post.

    In fact, Jesus said, “unless you are converted and become like children (not reliant on your own moral efforts but simply responding in faith to what God has accomplished for you in Christ’s sacrifice) then you cannot see the Kingdom of Heaven”.</I

    Our problem always lies with those parentheses, doesn't it? Because that is how you interpret what you read. Someone else will interpret it differently, yet another person will have an interpretation which differs from you both. Which is it? How can you prove they're wrong and you're right?

    Because if you are right, and God doesn't send any children to hell, then abortion is a good thing. A woman who chooses abortion is probably not going to heaven, seeing as she chooses this sinful thing. If the child is born to her, the chances of the child becoming a non-believer, too, are overwhelming, while if it's aborted it's saved from being the child of an unbeliever and guaranteed a place in heaven, instead of through its birth into a non-believer's care having the odds stacked heavily against its salvation.

    There is nothing in the Bible that says our ultimate destinies are pre-determined by God’s will…

    Again, you’re talking to the wrong person. I didn’t make any claims at all about predetermined destinies etc, I am merely going along with Satan’s response to my comment:

    In fact, the situation is more nuanced, with ultimate destinies determined by God’s will and preordained purposes.

    By the way, prince of darkness, I’ve figured out why you think my comments get delayed in the spam filter. I don’t visit this thread every day, I dropped by because I remembered when I was relaxing the other day. I don’t get notifications of all the replies (glitch, I did tick the notify box), so if I get distracted or busy with something else I forget the conversation. So the delay is in the posting of the reply, and the blame mine. Technology is, for once, innocent, I think.😉

    • Words usually have meaning. Rational people who speak the same language can usually agree on their meaning whether they are in paranthesis or not. The problem does not appear to be with Christ or the Bible having a lack of clarity. You simply exhibit the very common determination to be your own measure of truth and what you will accept as rational. Good luck with that.
      What does it mean for someone to suggest that abortion is good because murder sends babies to heaven?

      • Words usually have meaning. Rational people who speak the same language can usually agree on their meaning whether they are in paranthesis or not.

        That’s true, yet language has many nuances and many words have a number of different meanings. The Bible is interpreted differently by various people, and each of them usually insists that all the others are wrong. The specific word you added the explanation to is especially vague, and open to different and in some cases contradictory understanding which cannot be called irrational.

        You also seem to be setting yourself up to argue that anyone who disagrees with you is irrational, and they are irrational because they disagree with you.

        The problem does not appear to be with Christ or the Bible having a lack of clarity. You simply exhibit the very common determination to be your own measure of truth and what you will accept as rational. Good luck with that.

        Thank you.

        What does it mean for someone to suggest that abortion is good because murder sends babies to heaven?

        I don’t know, you’ll have to tell me, as you are the one who by implication said that:

        There is no Biblical basis for suggesting that God ever sends children to Hell. In fact, Jesus said, “unless you are converted and become like children (not reliant on your own moral efforts but simply responding in faith to what God has accomplished for you in Christ’s sacrifice) then you cannot see the Kingdom of Heaven”.

        That means the souls of aborted fetuses go directly to heaven, does it not? My argument from that point was based on the implication of what YOU said. You seemed to say children go to heaven, that means aborted fetuses must go to heaven, that means the child of a non-believer – who is overwhelmingly likely to in turn become a non-believer – is better off aborted. That is the logical conclusion of YOUR statements, and we can even add the fact that God kills about a third of all conceived humans through miscarriage as supporting evidence for this logic: of course he’s killing a third of all conceived humans, because that sends them directly to heaven. If all that isn’t logical, show me how it isn’t, I’m not only willing but eager to hear how you think it actually works, where the flaw in my argument is.

        Please understand that from my point of view, God doesn’t exist, so I have no opinion on this matter. I know that can be very hard to understand and accept, but it’s really true. I have no opinion on the matter we are discussing. I’m trying to find out what YOU think, and I’m doing that because I enjoy debating, and I’m fascinated with how people’s minds work.

        I also sense from the tone of your response that you are angry, and you really don’t need to be. I have no agenda here other than to engage in an activity I enjoy, which is debating academic issues and examining the way we think.

        I look forward to your next contribution to this discussion.

        • Nadia:

          You consider my belief in God and the Bible to be irrational. No offense. I get that. Really, I do. Been there. Done that.
          Atheism is a faith decision that excludes the all-pervasive evidence to the contrary while offering no rational argument to back its claims. Like I said…been there…done that.
          Therefore what is there for us to debate? How would continuing that direction be enjoyable for either of us?
          We are, in fact, speaking two different languages.

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Women are a gift from God. There is nothing called a god. God just an idea. So who made that beauty women. Nature not enough answer and Jesus will not put his hands into the pregnant woman and making her child to be in the future a beautiful girl. There is no sense here. You know women still beauty work and there is a beauty maker still making them.

  7. You consider my belief in God and the Bible to be irrational.

    No, I don’t. I think rational Christians find ways to wrap their minds around contradictions and other problems in their reasoning, and I’m trying to find out how you get yours around the issue we’re discussing: what do Christians think happens to the soul of an aborted child?

    Atheism is a faith decision that excludes the all-pervasive evidence to the contrary while offering no rational argument to back its claims…

    That’s an interesting statement, but we’re not discussing atheism.

    Therefore what is there for us to debate?

    There is the small matter of what you think happens to the soul of an aborted child, which I think is very interesting.

    How would continuing that direction be enjoyable for either of us?

    I love this kind of academic debate, and I’m enjoying this exchange. If by ‘that direction’ you mean discussing atheism and its validity, I’m perfectly happy to engage in that debate too, but I think it would be rude to hijack this thread. Should you wish to go there, I’m happy to start a thread on my own blog, or if you have a blog, to go there to continue the discussion. Here, though, we’re talking about souls, and what happens to the souls of aborted children, which is relevant to the topic of the original post.

    We are, in fact, speaking two different languages.

    I’m fluent in Christianese, you don’t have to worry about that.

    It would be really nice if you would answer the questions I’ve asked you instead of starting to talk about atheism. I really, truly want to know:
    1. You believe no children are sent to hell.
    2. Children born into non-believing families have a very, very high chance of becoming non-believers themselves.
    3. Someone who wants an abortion is highly unlikely to be a believer.

    THEREFORE

    If someone wants an abortion, by your beliefs it would be better for the child to be aborted, as abortion gives it 100% chance of going to heaven, while being raised by a non-believer gives the child a very high chance of going to hell.

    Clearly, you DON’T believe that, and I want to know why not.

    You’re rational, I really think you are, and I therefore assume you have a way to square your belief that no children go to hell with your belief that abortion should not be allowed. I’d love to hear it.

    • Nadia:

      Why would an atheist be worried about the human soul…a child’s or anyone’s?

      • I wrote a reply a week or so ago, but somehow it hasn’t appeared. Caught in Satan’s spam filter, perhaps? Thought I’d try again and see.

        I am not concerned about anyone’s soul, I am asking you questions to clarify certain seeming contradictions in what you believe. You still refuse to answer some of those questions, instead trying to steer the discussion to what I believe, which is not relevant. Why won’t you answer my question?

        If the soul of an aborted fetus goes straight to heaven, why do you oppose abortion?

        • Sorry for the double-whammy! Your comment must have gotten caught in the spam filter, AND I was out of daily commission for awhile. But now I’m back!

  8. Welcome back, Lucifer. Hope you enjoyed your vacation. Spam filters are annoying things, but don’t stress, I’m sure sooner or later the cautious spam-guards will start accepting I’m not a threat.🙂

  9. wow- you are amazing.

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  12. YOU MEAN TO TELL ME MY SOUL HAS ALREADY BEEN SOLD WITHOUT ME CONSULTING U????

  13. Hi I want to sale my soul

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