Josh McDowell: Satan’s No. 1 Threat?
My servants, yesterday I read some of the worst news I’ve seen in a long time. All is not well in Satan’s kingdom, my friends. As much success as I’ve achieved leading the world down the path of godlessness in a great big, devil-shaped handbasket (thank you very much), there are still pockets of potentially kingdom-defeating activities. Some Christians just won’t give up.
And some Christians are, unfortunately, focusing their efforts at just the right targets.
And I’m concerned. So concerned, my friends, that based on the news I will relate below, I’m issuing a Level 3 devilbloggger Alert, signifying a clear and present danger to my kingdom’s goals, and ministry activity which must be quashed.
I’m referring to a recent story in the Christian Post entitled, “Josh McDowell Launches Website to Fight Porn, ‘Church’s No. 1 Threat’.”
Do you know who Josh McDowell is?
I’ll tell you, but you must promise me that you will not publicize his name or his ministry, and particularly not his most recent attempt at destroying my kingdom by preventing people from merely enjoying other people the way God made them.
Josh McDowell is an “apologist” which means that he goes about defending the Christian faith as he gives people reasons to believe in God, and his son Jesus Christ. (Blechhhh!)
And he is very successful. I know, because I watch daily has his ministry is responsible for snatching person after person from my kingdom in dramatic rescue operations involving persuasive reasoning. Josh has been one of our Enemies No. 1 for many, many years. Whatever you do, do not go to his website. You will see that is full of rescue equipment that is best left idle.
But now he has gone a snatch too far. You see, Mr. McDowell has launched a new website to raise awareness about online pornography which he says “is a problem big enough to cause the downfall of the church.”
This is going to hurt, my servants. You see, for years I’ve been slowly drawing more and more people (men, mostly) into the destructively beautiful world of pornography. And since I finally gained wide, private access into virtually every Christian man’s mind through the internet, I’ve succeeded in getting over half of men who call themselves Christians hooked on my deadly delights.
Pornography: it’s a beautiful thing, so to speak.
After all, what’s wrong with enjoying God’s creation in its most natural form?
And I’ve convinced every man who calls himself a Christian that his private excursions into my pornoland are harmless. After all, if only he had a wife that met his needs, he wouldn’t need to supplement his selfish carnality behind his computer screen turned just so.
And for years I’ve used the harmless, “victimless”, expressions of God’s beauty to destroy marriages, break up families, drive men to poverty, and generally cause havoc in modern society.
It’s what I do.
And I do it well.
God’s beauty turned against him.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
But this McDowell character has me worried. He is the first major Christian apologist to come out with the recognition that pornography is the “church’s number one threat.”
Mr. McDowell is quoted:
The downfall of the church will not come from a lack of apologetic teaching; it will come from disintegration of the families in the church.
And he’s right.
The greatest threat to the cause of Christ is pervasive sexuality and pornography. … Today we have, by and large, lost control of the controls because an intrusive immorality is just one click away from our children. With just one keystroke on a smartphone, iPad, or laptop, a child can open up some of the worst pornography and sexually graphic content you can imagine. There’s never been such access in history.
Too right for comfort.
The only thing he forgot was to give moi credit for this great feat of history.
Well, not the only thing. He also forgot that in addition to hard porn that is just 1 click away, I’ve filled the TV screens of virtually home the world over with “sexually graphic” soft porn. Almost every “sitcom” these days is filled with visual porn as well as sexual-laced “jokes”.
Children just eat that stuff up. And parents who call themselves Christian sit by as the mealtime custodians.
If you don’t think prime time “family” viewing is soft porn, then I’ve doubly done my job.
Thank you. I know, I’m good.
And on top of the earthly destruction I cause, let’s not forget the best part. You see, pornography in both its hard and soft TV form sadden the heart of God.
But Mr. McDowell? He must be stopped. And I will tell you how, but this is a techniques that will only work for my most trusted servants.
What I’m going to instruct my servants to do next is only to be done by the most hardened and experienced among you. If you waver at all on the truth, DO NOT do what I’m going to instruct you.
Here it is: go to Mr. McDowell’s website Just1ClickAway.org, and familiarize yourself with his major points (e.g., every second 30,000 people are viewing pornography), his main facts (e.g., pornography use increases the marital infidelity rate more than 300%), and other statements (e.g., in 56% of divorce cases, one party had an obsessive interest in porn sites).
Then, after you understand what he is saying, do what I do and go about to all your friends and acquaintances and spread lies to refute his points. Make sure you try to make the argument about “free expression” of ideas, or about “privacy,” or about “victimless” activities. Those usually work.
But please, my servants, we cannot let the truth be effectively communicated by the likes of Mr. McDowell.
If he is even mildly successful my kingdom will take a major hit.
Now, I need to go. I see there is coming through the gates another person who called himself a Christian on earth while he enjoyed the nightglow of “free” carnality.
Ha ha ha ha ha.