Our Father Who Art in Washington


Did you know, my servants, that I hate fathers? That’s why I laid low this past week and last weekend when millions of people all over the globe celebrated Father’s Day (blechhhhh!).  You see, God is a father.  And he instituted the family to be led by fathers for the benefit of children, society, and the world.

So, what did I do?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, I do everything I can to pervert fathers and fatherhood into an unrecognizable mess of pop culture sissification, media-driven manhoodperversion, and feminist agenda boystealingschooling, and other misdeeds.  Of course, along the way I (yes, moi) became a father.

Do you know what I’m the father of?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And today, my friends, I have almost eliminated effective fatherhood.   I’ve demoralized, de-emphasized, de-energized, and generally de-everythingized men.

Culturally it’s a woman’s world in the enlightened western cultures who have turned away from the father of light to the father of ____________ (look it up).

Consider pop culture.  When is the last time you saw a movie, or a popular TV show, in which there was a strong, loving, mature male figure in the role of a father?


Those days are gone, my friend.  Today fathers, if present at all, are portrayed as bumbling boobs or halfwit hacks.

That’s why, my servants, I was pleasantly surprised to find this weekend that the United States Government actually has a website devoted to fathers.

Yes!  It even has the easy-to-remember URL, www.fatherhood.gov.

Now, I must admit that at first I was alarmed.  But then I read more at the CNSNews.com article that the website is full of inane advice, such as how best to wash kids’ hands, and other vital tasks of fatherhood.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And US taxpayers pay for this!

But here’s what I like best, my friends.  The US taxpayer-funded website goes to great lengths to teach “fathers” that they are responsible for providing “a variety of healthy foods,” and to wash hands (complete with a video for the extra slow).  In case a “father” is completely clueless, the website teaches fathers hand washing instructions: “Wet hands under running water, add soap, and rub all parts of hands and fingers for 15 seconds.”

Now, aside from the delight I receive by realizing that I’ve duped American taxpayers into paying to post hand washing instructions, I get great pleasure out of the focus of this government attempt at good fatherhood.

After all, my friends.  As you know, man does not live by bread alone.  There is a Bread of Life, which, if ingested gives eternal life.  No word of that at www.fatherhood.com, fortunately.  And, there is a washing of the water of the Word, which cleanses the soul.  No word of that at www.fatherhood.com, fortunately.

You see, my friends, there is benefit in keeping the outside of one’s body clean, and the inside well fed on physical food.  But the greater benefit comes from cleansing of the soul through daily interaction with the Word of God (blechhhh!) which feeds and cleans for an eternal benefit.

But do you think that any US government bureaucrats have a clue as to eternal values?  And do you think any of those clueless have any additional clue that fathers are the key to a healthy total child?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Even asking the question is silly, I know.

But I had to ask.

So now you know.


10 Responses to “Our Father Who Art in Washington”

  1. Anthony Says:

    Careful, DB, you are sounding like a Catholic with your comment about “…bread of Life, which, if ingested gives eternal life”

    The problem is that Jesus was not talking symbolically about the Bread of Life, he really meant that the bread he was offering was His body and the wine His blood (“This is my body, which will be given up for you”). As you know, his disciples found John 6 extremely hard to take hence:

    “From that [time] many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him. “

    • Good catch, and good close reading there, Anthony. I actually thought twice (and maybe three times) before wording that the way I did for that very reason. As you know, I’m protestant, but I don’t dismiss lightly Catholic teaching. There is truth here that’s difficult to comprehend in our earthly minds. But someday we will see clearly. Thanks!

      • shalimamma Says:

        What a very respectful and openminded reply DB! I am impressed. And good point, Anthony!

        • Anthony Says:

          I completely agree, Shalimamma (about DB not me)…very open-minded indeed and thanks DB for your reply.

          It would be interesting to know what DB thinks about ex-Protestants like Carl Orson (Insight Scope) who ended up converting because, when reading works by the early church fathers, he was unable to avoid the conclusion that the teachings and practices of the modern Catholic Church were the same as those of the early church – Jesus did not wait until Luther et al appeared before establishing His church and nor did He want a divided church.

  2. shalimamma Says:

    But now I would like to address devilbloggger about this article…

    Ahhhhh… so THAT’S where you were, oh warlord, escaping those of us who honored our fathers… I should have known you would point us all to the govt website on fathers. I specifically liked how they mention Obama’s celebration of Father’s Day. I guess the website doesn’t mind that he is promoting the robbing of many fathers the opportunity to even see their children, by blantantly promoting abortion at all stages and even if a baby is born alive… ah… but I suppose that is just a triviality?


    ~shalimamma at lifevictorious.com

    • Mike N. Says:

      I’m glad somebody else is sick of these Nanny State, taxpayer- funded radio and TV ads. They crowd the ad market and drive up the cost of advertising for private enterprise which cannot just write off their expenses by taxation and printing more money.
      The American Founders would be astonished at taxpayers being forced by the federal governement to pay to have this politically correct garbage shoved in our faces. Jefferson would have certainly counselled running the tyrants back into the arms of properly king-whipped England.

  3. tragedy Says:

    fathers day? spare me devilblogger, as i have no father. well i did, but he’s quite dead. nice guy though! i always loved him, and i still do. but he was never essential in my life, and he wasn’t what anyone would describe as a good father. not for lack of trying, mind, but drugs and alchohol ruled his life, as well as a physically demanding job that wrecked his body as he aged, further fueling his dependcy on painkillers. not that he was abusive. the one time he tried to spank me, i squirmed so much that i busted my lip on the armrest of the couch, and my teeth punctured my lip. after enduring much embarrassment trying to explain what happened at the e.r., he never tried corporal punishment again. not that i needed it, no , i learned fast. young children, especially sociopathic ones, learn early on that there are lines you do not cross, unless you don’t get caught, of course. not that i cross said lines. i said socio-, not psycho-. it’s not my fault, it’s the way i was made. damaged goods, i’m afraid. you can’t give a man a concsience if he never had one (god must have forgot to endow moi with one. what to do?) no strong/positive male father figure will change this, not now, and not then either. perhaps your christ-man will pity this poor, broken, empty, nigh-on souless creature, and fix what the world of man cannot?
    p.s. if you wish to see a positve/strong father figure in modern media, watch the incomparable denzel washington in book of eli. you could argue he’s not a father in the film, but from my admittedly broken perspective, the character he portrays is everything a man should strive to be.

    • mazsamem7 Says:

      Denzel Washington in Book of Eli…GREAT! He’s one of my favorite actors. There are a couple of good father figures on popular TV. But the strange thing is…they’re in theSciFi category. =( (Rick–Walking Dead, Tom–Falling Skies) What…a REAL father-type can’t be in a “realistic” program? Course not. That’s another way the serpent strangles truth in the media, hm?

      • tragedy Says:

        yes, denzel is one of the best. but i nearly forgot my favorite all-time t.v. dad: Micheal Bluth, from the late, and great arrested development. why must instant classics fall so fast? there is a movie in production though. heres hoping it happens.

  4. tragedy Says:

    hey d.b., seems you need some i.t. guys down there, doublequick! you need only ask your faithful servant, and i’ll gladly drag a smorgasborg down to hell to fix your blog’s myriad technical issues. pro bono, THIS time. next time, however…

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