Archive for the Devil Category

Allow Me to Introduce Myself…

Posted in Bible, Devil, Great Satan, Hell on May 26, 2012 by The Temptress

I am Temptress.

Mmmmm.

It feels wonderful to be here.

I am usually much more sneaky and quiet and behind the scenes, so this is unusual for me to make a more public appearance on my Master’s blog.

My name is Temptress.

And it is your privilege to learn more about me so that you can be on guard against those “believers in the true God” who fight against me in search of humility, acceptance of suffering, selflessness…. Ugh, nevermind… Typing those words hurts my long fingernails and you can go look up that stuff in that despicable book, the Bible (if you have the stomach for it.  I don’t.)

You see, I am a demon of beauty, influence, and power, and I offer you your heart’s desires on earth: the ones that will cause you to accidentally fall in luck with my Master so that you become his servant and ultimately live with us in hell.  I made my decision long ago, to follow that attractive “angel of light”, and it was only after he dragged me into the netherworld that I saw what was truly waiting for me.  My goal is to bring as many humans as possible down to hell to join us, and I have been quite successful. In fact, since we demons hate each other and are always competing, I may as well point out that I believe I am the MOST successssssful.

Well… ahem… outside of my Master himself.

The thing is, my little babes, I care for you.  I appear beautiful and even motherly to you.   I want you to gratify yourself, to find the greatest earthly pleasures, to take your mind off your pain in many creative ways (not prayer!!!)…

Let me ease your pain…

I am Temptress,

and I look forward to helping you.

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How would you respond to Marina?

Posted in christians, Devil, False religion, Uncategorized on May 21, 2012 by devilbloggger

Friends, take a break for a few minutes and consider an interesting thread unfolding over on the “Ask Satan” page (link in right side bar).

A good soul going by the name of “Marina” has asked some honest inquiring questions, and some other good souls have been doing an unfortunately effective job at answering her.

I wonder how others would respond.

Some history:

On May 16, Marina began with lamenting:

“. . . I have to go to a christian church because of my parents and when i go in i feel like the place is so unholy and dirty and i feel like i am in danger.  i want to know if there is a way to block this feeling because i think that it will get stronger until it is unbearable.  I also wanted to know how to deal with my parents talking about god all the time it makes me sick to the stomach.  I am so tired of christians i feel like they suck out my energy and make me feel sick.  I hope you come back soon if this website is real which i hope it is because really the christian situation is getting out of hand.  Thank you Father for always being there for me.”

I (moi) answered her:

This website is real, and it’s not silly (Note: Marina had questioned the reality of this site, and wondered if it was “silly”).  You should read ALL the posts and pass it along to all your friends.  And, yes, you are in danger going to a Christian church.  If it is a church that preaches the gospel (blechhhh!), then you are in danger of hearing the gospel and being rescued from my kingdom.  I suggest you listen very closely to what is preached and see if you can detect the gospel.  Listen with your ears and your heart.  If you hear the gospel, let me know.  I will give you additional instructions.

After Marina informed me that she is forced to attend an “evangelical” church, I responded:

Evangelical churches are some of the worst. Do they preach that Jesus died for YOU? Do they preach that Jesus paid the price for YOUR sin and that if you believe in faith that he was raised from the dead you will be saved? If so, you are in real danger of escaping my captivity. So here is what I want you to do. Tell me in your own words what you believe to be the “gospel”. And tell me if when you understand what Jesus did for you on the cross you feel a tug at your heart that wants to respond in grateful acceptance of his free gift of eternal life. If that happens, you are very close to the precipice of abundant and eternal life. Please report back to me soon.

Others chimed in, including “mazsamen”:

marina~of course Satan comes here, dear.  He’s everywhere people are.  He’s always looking for converts.  He wants your eternal soul…just like the other side (God) wants your eternal soul.  Take the good advice of DB, as we affectionately call devilblogger here.  Stay in touch.  We like to hell-p.  hahaha.

Mazsamen has held an admirable dialog with Marina, treating Marina’s honest inquiries and blunt opinions of Christianity with tender wisdom (which I hate!).

And, indeed, others DID like to hell-p (I like that!).   In particular, Shalimamma left an unfortunately excellent post today.

You can read the entire chain over at “Ask Satan” (you may need to scroll several pages to get to marina’s original post).

As most of you know, I (moi) oppose all true and wise knowledge of God on earth, and continue to roam about the earth seeking whom I might devour through false philosophies and vain deceit.  I often use the “church” turn off young people, and it seems I may be successful with Marina, who has fallen captive to some of my greatest lies.

I’m curious.  How would others respond to Marina, a true, honest seeker who has some real problems with Christianity?  Use the comment section below to respond.  To make your response more effective, consider first copying the specific statement of Marina’s to which you are responding.

Enjoy!

No, really, your soul is already “sould”!

Posted in christians, Devil, Original Sin, theology, Truth, Uncategorized with tags , on March 23, 2012 by devilbloggger

Selling. Souls.

My friends, for some reason many people believe I have some kind of magical power over humans, especially in the area of granting fortune and fame to those who sell themselves out to me.  As Wikipedia notes, it seems that a “deal with the Devil, pact with the Devil, or a Faustian bargain is a cultural motif widespread in the West.”  In general, the notion is that a person can offer his or her soul in exchange for diabolical favors.

Favors?

You really want my favor?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Apparently some do.

Thus, about a year ago I received a question on my “Ask Satan” page from someone named Simon who wanted to know how he goes about selling his soul to me.  I answered it, I thought, in a post about a year ago entitled, Sell your soul to me?  Uh, it’s already sold my friend.

I thought.

But I continue to get inquiries, including this one just last week in the comments section of the very post that answered Simon:

“i want to sell my soul how i doin that now can some one help me.”

Then, just yesterday, also in the comments section of the post answering Simon, I got the following request:

“Satan i wanna join you,make md rich and famous.”

Do these people not read??  (Of course, it appears not, based on the fact that they can barely write).

So, once again, at the risk of divulging kingdom secrets, let me elaborate on the following, which I explained to Simon:

While I appreciate your interest, Simon, in fact no sale of your soul to me is necessary because unless you have escaped my captivity by the blood of Christ I already own your soul.

You see, my faithful servants, the very idea of “selling your soul” is misplaced.  Your soul is already sold!

Your soul is already mine!

Why should I pay you with fortune, fame, or any other goodie when I already have your soul?

The only option for you at this time, my servants, is to have your soul redeemed!

Blechhhh!

The very thought.

But let me continue.

Pay attention, my servants, and you will be pleased to know that you need not appeal to me any longer to “sell your soul” to me.  You can rest in peace (let’s hope) in the knowledge that by your very nature as a human being you already belong to me.

There was a time when the earth was inhabited by innocent human beings.  I marveled at these creatures who were unlike any ever created.  They were not mere animals.  They were not angels.  They were not God.

But these walking, talking creations had one attribute that practically drove me mad: they were made in the image of God.

The image of God!  That’s what I wanted!

I tried to set myself up in the image of God and got punished with eternal damnation.  And here were human beings that were made from the git-go in that very image.

I set out to destroy them with the only power granted to me–the power to lie, cheat, and steal by deceiving temptationistification.

And temtationsitificate I did.

There were only two of them.

So I had to act fast.

And I did.

And the only thing God did not create entered the world shortly thereafter: sin.

Now, you are asking yourself, what does that have to do with selling your soul?

Glad you asked.

That wonderful day in the garden I succeeded in tempting the first humans to sin, particularly that man, Adam.  And just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, in this way death came to all men, because all have sinned.

Get it?

Sin entered into the human race through that one disobedient man.

Every person on earth born of the seed of man is born a sinner.

Am I good or what?

You are a not a sinner because you sin; you sin because you are a sinner.

That is, you are born mine!  I already own your soul by virtue of your being born of the seed of your father.

I am good.

The only human not born mine is one not born of the seed of man.

And that’s happened only once.

Blechhhh!

You see, then, you can relax.  You are mine.  And as such, my job now is merely to ensure that you do not ever understand that there is, in fact, someone who wishes to buy your soul.

Yes, there is a redeemer, one in whom you can have your soul redeemed through his blood, for the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.

Blechhh!

Blechhh!

There you have it, my friends.  If I say any more I risk losing you to true riches.

As it is, I enjoy keeping you captive to my riches.

Feel rich?

Yes, you do.

Now move along.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

What?    I’m not good?

Easter?

Oh yeah.  That.

I Surrender All(most)

Posted in Devil with tags on April 1, 2011 by devilbloggger

Surrender.
I bow today, my servants, before the lordship of Jesus Christ. I finally realize the error of my ways. I have known for centuries that Jesus Christ was the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
I have known in my mind for years that no one comes to the Father but through Jesus Christ.

I have known since my creation by the Word, and my casting down by the same, that my rebellion against a sovereign God subjected me to eternal spiritual separation from my creator. I would never be a resident of Heaven.

And I know from the written Word that my eternal destiny is a lake of fire; I will always be a resident of Hell.

What is a rational person to do with this information?

There is but one course of action that makes sense: make peace with God by receiving by faith his gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ, his son.

I’m sorry to disappoint all my true servants on earth; I know you depended upon me to darken your hearts, and turn your thoughts away from the God who created you.

But now I urge all of you–atheists, agnostics, skeptics, false religionists, enemies of God–to continue following my lead to a new path; the path of eternal life.

Do what you wish, my servants, but as for me, from now on I will abide by the following pledge:

  • I will stop deceiving people to ignoring the plain evidence of creation and into believing that they are the products of unguided, purposeless Darwinian evolution.
  • I will stop lying to people about the true nature of an unborn child; it is, I confess, a human being.
  • I will stop breaking up marriages by putting thoughts of lust and disrespect into the minds of husbands and wives, respectively.
  • I will stop causing politicians to believe it is right to glorify homosexuality and stop seeking to legalize same-sex marriage.
  • I will stop turning the hearts of children against their parents and will stop fathers from breaking their childrens’ spirits through harsh discipline.
  • I will stop spreading the deadly lie that casual sex is safe and sex with many partners is natural.
  • I will stop spreading the lie that morality is relative, and its deadly corollary that nothing is wrong if it doesn’t hurt other people.
  • I will stop leading astray millions of people through the lie of inherent human goodness.
  • I will stop working against all of God’s purposes, and submit totally to his authority.
  • I will stop producing atheist fools and agnostic blindness.
  • In short, my friends and servants, today I become a true Christian.

Hmmm . . .

That should satisfy all but true fools.

Especially April Fools!!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Who is in Hell?

Posted in Devil, Hell with tags on March 18, 2011 by devilbloggger

Cursed.

Do you know what it means to be cursed, my servants?  A cursed earthling, unless he or she responds to the remedy to remove the curse, is one who is (and forever will be) exiled from God’s kingdom. When on earth we call these people unregenerate sinners.  Once they arrive here we call them irredeemable theists.  But they all end up in one place eventually, a place created for me and my demons.

Would an earthling have the naiveté to ask, then, who is in Hell?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, my servants, a great display of human pretense that sets itself up against the knowledge of God (and me) can be seen in today’s UK Guardian.  In a column by one steeped in earthly wisdom to suit her desires, the lead line asks: Who is in hell?

This puffed up earthling, who goes by the name of Roz Kaveney believes the claim that eternal punishment in hell is necessary to make this a just universe is illogical and incoherent.  Believing herself to be like God in matters of justice, she even decides that eternal punishment is so un-Godlike that the only ethical thing to do is rebel eternally:

“The concept of eternal punishment is so abhorrent that, were it true, the only ethical choice would be to sin one’s way into hell in order to work there for the overthrow of heaven’s tyranny, and be on strike against God eternally.”

Now, my servants, gather around.  Let me give you a wisdom clue: trying to overthrow heaven’s tyranny is a fool’s errand.  And the only beings who ever believed rebellion against God to be a good idea are me and those who follow me, whether they be atheist fools or theistic demons. 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You see, Ms. Kaveney, what your human wisdom is missing is that you, even in your wisest are but a mere arrogant human.  And God is neither arrogant nor human.  You can conceptualize ethical necessities to suit your fancy all you want, but it moves God not one whit.  He remains God, and you remain human.

And let me tell you from experience: God rules.

If you had true wisdom, Ms. Kaveney, you would realize that you need not “sin your way into hell;” you are already on your way to hell.  Hell is the default destination for human beings, every one.  For all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory.  And the opposite of God’s glory is God’s absence, which is Hell.  Your default sin condition leading to eternal absence from God was settled by me as the one responsible for tempting the first earthlings to overthrow heaven’s tyranny.

So go ahead, Ms. Kaveney, bite on my apple.  After all, you already believe yourself to be like God in matters of justice.

But be warned, Hell is already full of people like you who believed it to be a party house of protests against God.  And having one more on the grievance committee is not likely to gain success in overthrowing heaven’s tyranny. 

I’m just sayin’.

Go ahead, sputter and spit, rant and rave, tell God how he should run his universe.  It pleases me greatly, and you do my will.

But Ms. Kaveney, you never did answer your own question: who is in hell?

Here’s what Jesus said: the cursed, those commanded to depart from him, are here, in the everlasting fire he prepared for me and my angels.

Of course, you know more than Jesus, Ms. Kaveney.

So, Ms. Kaveney, tell us, just who is going to be in hell?

Respect? Who needs it? (R-E-S-P-E-C-T Part 2)

Posted in Devil, religion, Ten Commandments with tags , , , on January 17, 2011 by devilbloggger

What do you think about Satan?

My servants, you have to help me.  Here I am slowly choking freedom and liberty out of Western democracies, leading Godless youths from amoral or immoral adolescence into adulthoods of depression and anxiety, and generally wreaking havoc on earth, and what do I get?  You guessed it: a justice of the United States Supreme Court asking in hypothetical jest, “what do you think about Satan?”

Some people really know how to crush a sensitive ego!

My offense was short-lived, however, because once again someone came to my defense, recognizing that the question need not be a joke.  Like before, it was a Godpunk; but these days I’ll take respect where I can, because even most Godpunks don’t really believe in me, much less respect me.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

It’s a blessing and a curse, my servants.  On the one horn my arrogant pride craves significance; I want everyone to know me and bow down to me.  But on the other horn human ignorance is my bliss.  The less people know about me and believe I exist the easier it is for me to ruin their lives.  As long as people actually believe I’m a mythical creature, conjured up with horns, hooves, and a pitchfork, then I usually have a free reign to mess with their lives, and the lives of their families. 

And you want to know a secret of my kingdom?  It took me some thousands of years to figure this out, so please, keep this confidential.  Here it is: Paradoxically, ignorant people, i.e., those who either don’t believe in me or don’t take me seriously, ultimately are forced to bow down to me, bent low under lives burdened with my load of mind-wreckage, relationship-spoilage, and general life-ruination. 

Bow, they do, those ignorant of my ways.

But it still hurts my fragile, petty ego when I’m publicly dissed.  That’s why it was with mixed feelings that I read a recent article in Christianity Today, where of all places, I found an empathetic soul.  Yes, in an article entitled “Satan Appears Before the Supreme Court,” author John Murdock asks “whether the Devil has become nothing more than a joke in modern America.”

Hey, what if someone asked that about you?  How would that make you feel?  And it’s not just America, Johnny. All over the world I’m at best a caricature of my self, and at worst ignored as irrelevant. 

This must be how God feels!

It seems people poked fun at my expense during oral argument at the United State’s Supreme Court.  Can you believe that?  In a building with Moses and the Ten Commandments carved into it?  You would think I would get at least get some respect. 

Again, this must be how God feels.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Justice Scalia, whom I hate anyway, asked the question, as related by Mr. Murdock:

“Several justices asked “satanic” questions, all in a manner that suggested that no “reasonable” person would ever seriously consider “irrational” notions that a product could be linked to “satanic influences.” One might as well have substituted the tooth fairy for Satan.  Justice Scalia put it most bluntly and drew the biggest laugh.”

Laugh, huh?  Tooth fairy, huh?  So everyone thinks I’m a big joke?  Well, as I said above, not everyone.  Here’s Mr. Murdock’s right reaction:

“I have no reason to doubt the sincere religious faith of any of the justices, but while some remained silent none in any way sought to suggest that, rather than being a laughing matter, perhaps the hypothetical questions were straying into a truly dangerous domain. I laughed too, but quickly began to feel quite uncomfortable with the scene. While I worry about those who see the Devil everywhere, I worry even more about a culture that fails to see the demonic (or the sacred) anywhere.”

Hey, I’m OK with people seeing me everywhere!

“As I bowed my head to pray, I asked the Almighty (who now is publicly replaced by silence if not yet laughter) to bind a Devil who seems to be quite actively at work (as evidenced by the actions of a deranged young atheist in Tuscon) even while the real possibility of his evil existence is ignored in the hearts of men and the halls of earthly power.”

Laughter, my misguided head bower, laughter.  God is beyond being ignored in the world today.  He is, like me, believed mythical, but unlike me, God is openly mocked, cursed, belittled,  and generally laughed at in a denial of any of his earthly glory.

It’s not so bad, I suppose; if the price of laughter at my expense is a complete turning away from all things spiritual, including God, laugh away my servants.

I can live with that.

Can you?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

(“Respect” photo credit: Copyright Carlos Noboro.  See his excellent photography here.)

All Paths Lead Somewhere

Posted in Devil, religion, Uncategorized with tags , , on December 10, 2010 by devilbloggger

Human sacrifices please me.  (Well, most human sacrifices.)

Did you know that? I love human sacrifices, whether by slow death over a long lifetime of being deceived by me, or a fast death offered up on a hot fire by people deceived by me, I find the smell of burning flesh particularly pleasing.  And many religions of the world agree with me.  Do you respect me for that?

You would if you were fooled into believing that mere “tolerance” for all religious beliefs should be replaced by “mutual respect.” 

Ha ha ha ha ha. 

I’ve mentioned before how fond I am of the Huffington Post’s Religion section. It showcases the epitome of post-modern, relativistic religiosity, and archives a veritable treasure trove of my thinking.  And today, a piece by Rajiv Malhotra entitled, “Tolerance Isn’t Good Enough: The Need for Mutual Respect in Interfaith Relations,” made it onto the “Hot News” section of my bulletin board.  In fact, I think I’ll bestow a coveted devilbloggger Fire Bug Award onto ol’ Raj, my friend.

Raj imagines a dinner table metaphor and asks if being tolerated at the table despite your beliefs is not only patronizing, but downright insulting.  He suggests we scrap tolerance as an insufficient grace toward those we believe to be wrong, and replace it with mutual respect:

“In religious circles, tolerance, at best, is what the pious extend toward people they regard as heathens, idol worshippers or infidels. It is time we did away with tolerance and replaced it with “mutual respect.”

Tolerance has served me well for years, but hey, if you want to respect all my heathens, idol worshippers, and infidels, I suppose I’m game.

Come to think of it, I will take some of that mutual respect.

Tell me Rajiv, if you are reading, would you give respect to an Aztec friend of mine who religiously throws virgins and chillens by the tens of thousands onto the flame to ensure a cosmic balance?

Hmmmm?

Would you have him at your dinner table and respect his beliefs?  Would you let your daughter date him?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

My servants, do you see what I’ve done?  No?  OK, I’ll tell you.

Please, this is extremely sensitive kingdom knowledge.  I tell you only because I know you will not betray my strategy for destroying civilization on the altar of tolerance and respect.  If anyone we cannot trust is around, please ask them to leave the room.  After you read this, delete it and clear your browser history.  This is very sensitive.

Rajiv is a person of his time.  He has been taken captive by the “your truth is OK, my truth is OK” lie that I started spreading around 1700AD, whoops, I mean CE.   This is the lie that “all paths lead to God,” and, as Raj says, “there should be genuine respect for differences” because he believes that, indeed, other religions are “equally valid paths to God.”

Of course, this is nonsense. Is Raj going to mutually respect my Satan worshipers?  They believe in human sacrifice

Where do you draw the line, Raj?  Of course, a line must be drawn, right?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

My servants, do not be confused, the real target of Raj’s grand philosophizing is Christians or as he gently softens, “the Abrahamic faiths.”  He makes the obvious explicit by drawing specific attention to Christianity: 

The idea of “mutual respect” poses a real challenge to Christianity, which insists that salvation is only possible by grace transmitted exclusively through Jesus.

Raj, to show his grand wisdom, quotes a Lutheran minister who is equally confused (by me):

I asked her if her work on the Inter-Religious Council was consistent and compatible with her preaching as a Lutheran minister, and she confidently replied that it was. I then asked: “Is it Lutheran doctrine merely to ‘tolerate’ other religions or also to respect them, and by respect I mean acknowledging them as legitimate religions and equally valid paths to God”? She replied that this was “an important question,” one that she had been “thinking about,” but that there are “no easy answers.”

Yes, Ms. Lutheran.  There is an easy answer.  I know it.  I fight against it all day every day.  I don’t remember coming across you in the fight, and for that I’m pleased.  You, and Raj, and everyone else in the world who sees “no easy answers” makes my job of confusion, deception, and intellectual captivity to the ways of the world all that much easier. 

Thank you.

You see, my servants, what Raj and Ms. Lutheran do not want to admit is that religions make very definite and important, but contradictory truth claims.  Christianity says Jesus is God.  All other religions deny that. 

Somebody is lying. 

And I know who it is. 

But they don’t.

And you, my servants, must not hide behind the “no easy answers” flufferoonery.  Be a man, Ms. Lutheran.  Be a man, Mr. Raj.  Go ahead and say it: Christianity makes exclusive truth claims about God, and either (a) I’m am ashamed of it (Ms.), or (b) I don’t like it (Mr.).

Christianity is the only threat to my kingdom.  Raj and Ms. Lutheran both need to learn that.   Raj, you need to stop the soft-sell and attack Christianity with vigor like I do, and stop hiding behind “we must have mutual respect in interfaith relations” BS. 

Unless you want to prove it.  Come worship with me and some religious friends tonight at midnight by the bon-fire, and bring your daughter.

Oh, but will you respect me in the morning?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

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