Archive for the Easter Category

Obama: My Political Christian

Posted in christians, Easter, political correctness, progressives, religion, Ten Commandments, Uncategorized with tags , , , on April 25, 2011 by devilbloggger

Whew!

Finally, my servants.  At 12:00 noon London time today the last minutes of Easter passed midnight in Alofi in the country of Niue.  Easter gone for another year, and not a second too soon.  Have you ever noticed how time passes slowly when you are not having fun? 

Who can have fun on a day like Easter?  On top of all the talk of my eternal defeat, Pope Benedict XVI has to go all Biblical on Easter and say “humanity isn’t a random product of evolution.”  More on this later, my servants (stay tuned).  But for now I’m going to have to call a Level 3 devilbloggger Alert; this could severely hurt my kingdom.  I have been passing off my atheistic creation story for so long I assumed everyone believed it, even the Pope.  More people have shuffled into my kingdom due to the evolution lie than almost any other.  As I said, my servants, stay tuned for instructions.

But I wish to report a bright spot in my Easter, my servants.  Did you read Keith Koffler’s White House Dossier blog today my friends?  You will love it.  In a blog post entitled “What? No Easter Greeting?” Mr. Koffler notes that (surprise, surprise) US President Obama “failed to issue either an Easter or a Good Friday greeting to the nation.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

“The nation” of course, is the United States of America, for which Easter has always been a major holiday.  Almost all Americans observe Easter in some meaningful way, and all true Americans at least honor Easter for its place in American culture.

All true Americans.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, my servants, this really perked me up.  My man, O.  He’s is the un-American American, the gift that keeps on taking.  You may think I’m making my Obama out to be more than he really is in my kingdom, but consider this, from Fox News via Mr. Koffler:

By comparison, the White House has released statements recognizing the observance of major Muslim holidays and released statements in 2010 on Ramadan, Eid-ul-Fitr, Hajj, and Eid-ul-Adha.

Not convincing enough of President Obama’s true beliefs?  Consider this from the same source:

The White House  . . . did release an eight-paragraph statement heralding Earth Day.

So what happened to one of the biggest American holidays of the year?

Oversight you say?  Mistake you say?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You are so cute when you are naïve. 

No, my servants.  Read carefully and I’ll impart to you some kingdom knowledge. 

I know Obama because I am Liberal One.

Obama thinks he is Liberal One, but he’s not.  Truth be told, he’s not even in the top 10.  But he’s useful to my kingdom precisely because of his ego and his religious beliefs.  He is a Political Christian, otherwise known as a tare, or, in some instances as a goat

A Political Christian is one who professes a Christian belief (Obama’s press secretary assured us once again this week that he is “a devoted Christian”), but who acts like an unbeliever. 

A Political Christian tailors God’s beliefs to his own liking, such as taking God’s commandment “Thou shalt not kill” to apply to all but defenseless babies, even those who survive abortion attempts. 

A Political Christian appears awkward and uncomfortable, even embarrassed talking about true faith and morals in public, and may even seek to cover up bothersome symbols, like crosses.

A Political Christian uses the words of Christian faith, but they come out stilted, hollow, shallow, to those of true Christian faith.

A Political Christian has no clearly authentic faith community, such as a Church of which he is a part.

A Political Christian forgets important details like using the word “creator” when citing the Declaration of Independence or mis-stating his own nation’s motto (In God We Trust) when speaking to muslims.

A Political Christian is a Christian in word only.

A Political Christian harms the Kingdom of God because he is not even an infidel, who is one without faith, one without any religious beliefs.

Political Christians are accepted by the naïve, tolerated by infidels, unquestioned by the political class, and thoroughly destructive to the Kingdom of God.

I love Political Christians.

Hey, this is something God and I have in common!  Why, then, is he so sad?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Advertisements

He is risen. Believe me, I was there, indeed.

Posted in Easter with tags on April 23, 2011 by devilbloggger

It’s starting, my servants.

Starting now and for the next 48 hours, it will be Easter Sunday somewhere in the world.  What can I say, my servants?  There is little I can encourage you with today except to note that fortunately Easter thoughts come only once a year for most people.

We thought we had him.  We did have him. We celebrated his death; his body lying in a rock, sealed forever.

Finally the preaching was stopped; the healings ceased; the prayers went silent. 

Finally?

I recall the uneasiness I felt even among the triumphal voices of all my screeching demons.  I remember thinking wait, this is too easy.  How is it that I could so easily have Jesus handed over to the Gentiles?  How could it be that with very little effort on my part they would mock him, insult him, spit on him, flog him, and kill him?

Such death is not usually so simple.  It struck me that maybe the very acts were eerily preordained.  And then pangs of fear set in as I realized I had made a tremendously stupid and irrevocable mistake. 

What was it that Jesus said? 

“Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.  But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

My fear turned to terror.  What had I done?  Had I even done anything?  Was this not what I recalled Jesus saying would be the “fulfillment of the prophecies about the Son of Man”?

My terror turned to madness as I violently tried to ensure Jesus’ body would remain dead in the ground.  A seed never to produce; a life ended as many others—in my kingdom clutches.

But what was I to cling to?  There was no sin, no unrighteousness, no natural separation from God on which I could get a hold. 

No matter, I thought—he’s DEAD.  Yes, he’s already dead.  Sin or no sin, the result is the same.  But how? I thought.  No matter, no matter, he’s dead; he’s mine, I kept repeating. 

Did not Jesus say, “It is finished”? 

Yes, it must be, I kept repeating to myself as madness turned to delirium. 

I distracted myself with two days of noisy celebration, trying to put out of my evil mind any thoughts of defeat. He’s mine; he’s really mine!

But one thing Jesus said over and over again nagged at me, causing my delirium to drive me more insane than ever.  I know I heard Jesus say of the prophecies:

“On the third day he will rise again.”

A glimmer of hope came in the actions of his disciples.  Apparently they did not believe this; who would?  They moped about, scattered, disillusioned, abandoned.

A great shout and the sound of trumpets snuffed that glimmer the morning of the third day.  The sound of music and voices of true angelic celebration in our midst immobilized me with fear; my demons seemed struck dumb as well. 

Before us we beheld on earth the glory of the living Christ!  Not in the tomb, but out!

At that moment I knew what had transpired.  In a twinkling of an eye I realized the game was over, my eternal destiny was set.

Many seeds were inevitable.

And then I’ll never forget hearing the seven words that changed the world from the mouth of one I tried to take with me in my fall; these seven words rocked my kingdom:

“He is not here, he is risen.”

Just as he said, I thought; just as he said.

It is, indeed, finished, my servants.

My job now involves ensuring that as many people as possible never hear the words “he is risen.”

Indeed.

My work on earth changed dramatically that day.  I knew that there was now a path to a different kingdom; I knew that I would have to fight for every soul, heart by heart, mind by mind.  Now I was to scheme; now I was to struggle in the heavenly realms against all of Jesus Christ’s redeeming work on earth. 

One of my goals?  Simple: ensure the Easter story is either corrupted or silenced.

Now go, my servants.  Go to church to make the show if you must.  Eat a chocolate bunny.  Find a colored egg.

But do not, my servants, ever, ever, believe.

Indeed.

Good Earth (Fri)Day!

Posted in Easter with tags , , on April 22, 2011 by devilbloggger

Good Earth Day.

Ahhh . . . Sometimes even when you are not in control things just fall in place.   So I find a day that normally goads me to no end actually pleasing me today, my servants.  Yes, I speak of Earth Day, which this year successfully displaces the focus from The Hands of Good Friday with Man’s Hands as the keepers of the earth.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Sing with me, my servants:

We've got the whole world, in our hands
We've got the whole world in our hands
We've got the whole world in our hands
We've got the whole world in our hands

I love to divert attention from the creator to the created, and Earth Day is one of my most clever ways of doing so.  Ever since that first Earth Day, when its founder Gaylord Nelson said, “‘The fate of the living planet is the most important issue facing mankind,” I have tried to convince as many as I can that the living earth is to be revered, even worshipped. 

And Earth Day has delivered for me.  Many people really believe that the fate of planet earth, not the fate of human beings, is the most important issue facing mankind.

Now I hate to see to see humans exercising their God-ordained responsibility to care for the creation as many people with a right worldview do.  That’s why I’ve ensured that the prevailing view on environmental issues is skewed, without a proper biblical foundation.

Truth skewed.  That’s what I do.

You know, that first Friday, before it was Good, was truly also the first Earth Day, before it was cool.  That was the day that the earth held my nemesis Jesus Christ in a solid rock tomb.  I looked forward to having Jesus as a roommate forever as his body rotted away in the earth. 

Yes, what an Earth Day was that first day the earth held God the Son as dead. 

The second day was pretty good, too.

But, oh, the third!

Please, this is difficult.

I never heard such a commotion.  I never felt the earth move like that.  I never experienced such crushing defeat.  I never understood how he could ascend with so many of my captives.

Come to think about it, I don’t want to talk about it.

Good EARTH Day, my servants!

Why not just call them deviled eggs?

Posted in Easter with tags on April 14, 2011 by devilbloggger

Easter Eggs Spring Spheres.

Ah, now this is delicious, my servants.  First I diluted Christmas by renaming Christmas trees “holiday trees,” and now I see my anti-Christian politically correct lunacy is swallowing Easter as well.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Have you read, my servants, where a Seattle, Washington, USA school renamed Easter eggs ‘Spring Spheres’?  I kid you not.  You can read it for yourself here in today’s news.

Sometimes my servants even amaze me.  I would never have thought of such a good idea.  I thought drawing attention away from a crucified and risen Christ by focusing on eggs and rabbits was quite a feat. 

But to go one step further, and distance the eggs from the word Easter?

Brilliant.

Well, done, my servants.

When you get here we’ll have a spring sphere hunt.  For a long, long time.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Jesus: the name that can always offend someone

Posted in Easter, multiculturalism, political correctness with tags , on April 11, 2011 by devilbloggger

Two weeks.

My servants, we are getting ready to experience the best of times and the worst of times: Easter.  The best of times because I have effectively changed the celebration of my final and humiliating defeat into a day of eggs, bunnies, and a safe day for Godposers  and others who call themselves Christians to mix with Christians inside a church building. 

But it is the worst of times because regardless how much I change the focus from a miracle to a feel-good fashion show I’m still faced with endless repetitions of the seven words that sealed my fate:  “He is risen, just as he said.”

ARGHHHHHHHH! Sometimes I think if I hear those words one more time I’ll go bonkers; just thinking about it sets me off. 

Excuse me, let me compose myself.

OK.  I’m good.

Let me give you some good news, at least.  Did you read where a US church’s advertisment telling people about an Easter service has been banned from cinemas and branded “too controversial” because it mentions the name of Jesus?

Yes, you can read it in an article at The Christian Institute entitled “Video: US Easter ad banned for mentioning Jesus.”  It seems that some Godpunk group in California named the Compass Bible Church produced a short, mild cinema ad to invite people to its Easter event.  According to the article:

But the ad, which mentions the name of Jesus twice, has been banned from appearing on cinema screens by an advertising agency.

Why? 

Guess.

You are right!  Because someone might be offended

The ad agency said it has a policy of rejecting ads featuring religious figures and remarked some cinemagoers might be offended by such an ad.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, I wonder if the cinema has a policy of rejecting movies featuring religious figures’ names being spoken, especially in vain. 

G-d this, G-d that; Oh my God, Jesus Christ!  I know many people who find this use of religious figure’s names offensive!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You see, my servants, the very name of Jesus causes offense to everyone; to those perishing when used to glorify and to those saved when used in vain.

And I’ve conditioned my world to be sensitive to the offense of only one category of people: those who are perishing.

Am I good, or what?

Senior Pastor of Compass Bible Church, Mike Fabarez, said the church was told they could promote Easter services with a basic ad that had “some fun bunnies and eggs thrown in”, but “for us, Easter isn’t about springtime fun”.  He said:

“It’s the most important day in Christian history, and we won’t water that message down. It’s unfortunate that what our country was founded on has now become ‘too controversial.’”

Unfortunate? 

Not for me.

I just hope Christians don’t stop paying money to watch movies in which Jesus’ and God’s names are shamelessly and repeatedly taken in vain.  If that ever happens, my gigs over. 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

%d bloggers like this: