Archive for the evangelisim Category

Why am I not a Christian?

Posted in christians, evangelisim, religion, theology, Truth with tags on September 7, 2011 by devilbloggger

Christian.

Blechhh!  I hate the word Christian.  I hate people who are Christians.  I hate hearing Christians praying to God.  I even have a general distaste for those who are not Christians, but who call themselves Christians (and there’s a whole boatload of those folks!)

And do you know why I hate Christians?

I’ll tell you if you promise to not tell anyone else.

Promise?

OK.

I hate Christians because they are so much like me, but I’m not their leader. 

Surprised?

You shouldn’t be.  Pay attention:

Christians believe in God.

I believe in God (and tremble, but don’t let that get out).

Christians believe Jesus is the Christ, the only begotten Son of God, begotten of his Father before all worlds, God of God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father; by whom all things were made. 

I believe Jesus is the Christ, the only begotten Son of God, begotten of his Father before all worlds, God of God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father; by whom all things were made.  I know I was made by him, and I’ve spoken directly with him.  And he defeated me and my death.

Christians believe Jesus Christ came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the Virgin Mary and was made man.

I believe Jesus Christ came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the Virgin Mary and was made man.  I was there when he was born and realized that God had found a way to get a human being on earth without being tainted by Adam’s sin.  Genius!  And I recognized right away that I must kill him.  I started by trying to kill him via King Herod in Bethlehem. 

Christians believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord and giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, rounding out the Holy Trinity.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord and giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, rounding out the Holy Trinity.  I caused Ananias and Sapphira to lie to the Holy Spirit who, in that episode, was called God by the apostles. 

Christians believe the Bible is the word of God.

I believe the Bible is the word of God.  I’ve memorized it, and use it all the time in my work on earth.

Christians believe that Adam’s sin tainted the entire human race, so that every human born of the seed of man is born into sin.

I believe that Adam’s sin tainted the entire human race, so that every human born of the seed of man is born into sin.  I was responsible for Adam’s sin, and it is that sin by which I keep men enslaved.

Christians believe in the bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ.

I believe in the bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ.  It was my clutches of death that he escaped, leading the captives free. 

Christians believe that salvation comes by faith through grace, as a gift of God to those who believe.

I believe that salvation comes by grace through faith, as a gift of God to those who believe.  That’s why I try to steal the seed of God’s word from the ground of men’s hearts as soon as it is sewn.

Christians believe in the return of Christ at the second coming, and in eventual judgment of all people, including me, who will be forever banished with the unbelievers in the Lake of Fire.

I believe in the return of Christ at the second coming, and in eventual judgment of all people, including me, who will be forever banished with the unbelievers in the Lake of Fire.  That’s why I operate with a sense of urgency, roaming the earth seeking whom I may devour.

You get the idea, right?  Basically, I believe everything Christians believe.  I believe in God and I believe Jesus is the Christ, the savior of all who believe in him. 

So here’s a question:  Why am I not a Christian?

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Satan Answers Mr. Keller’s Tough Questions.

Posted in atheism, atheists, Bible, Darwin, Darwinism, evangelisim, evolution, False religion, God, heresy, homosexuality, liberals, political correctness, prayer, public schools, secular humanism, secularism, separation of church and state, Truth, worldview with tags , , , on August 25, 2011 by devilbloggger

Oh yeah.

My my my.  Sometimes one of mine outdoes himself in his blind hatred of all things God (true God, that is).  Sometimes this servant of mine has a loud voice that gets heard by many, convinces a few, and pleases one. My my my.

When I saw Bill Keller’s article  in today’s New York Times entitled, “Asking Candidates Tougher Questions About Faith,” I must admit I was worried.  I thought it might be an exposé focusing on the atheistic faith of some politicians, the anti-Christian faith of others, or the general degradation of all things moral and upright by almost every politician.

But I suppose I should have known better.  After all, this showed up in my paper of record.  And it didn’t disappoint.

Yes, Mr. Keller dumped not on “faith” in general, a necessary element of anyone’s political worldview, but only on sincere God faith of the type expressed by George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Ronald Reagan.

I’m with Mr. Keller on this one, my friends.  There is nothing worse for my kingdom than a politician who has a sincere belief in God, and nothing better for my kingdom than a politician who has a professed, but clearly non-existent faith in God.

You will notice Mr. Keller has no problem with Mr. Obama’s faith.

Neither do I.

But consider the faith of Mitt Romney, Michele Bachmann, or horror of horrors Rick Perry, and Mr. Keller begins asking the baited question, “Does it matter?”

Matter?

For what?  For an ordered society where people can live freely in relative peace like they used to do when God was not banished from public discourse?

Yes, I suppose it does matter.

And to press his point, Mr. Keller sent a questionairre to suspect candidates to find out where they stand on questions he believes important.  The entire questionnaire can be found on The 6th Floor blog.  Just for fun, I have given my answers to his questions below.

Enjoy. 

1. Is it fair to question presidential candidates about details of their faith?

My answer:  Yes, of course.  Everyone has faith in something or someone, and the public has a right to know what or who is the object of one’s ultimate faith.  Obviously, it is that “something” or “someone” which/who will ultimately drive a politician’s policy choices.  I just hope that atheists, and practical atheists like most Democrats in the US don’t get questioned on this point.

2. Is it fair to question candidates about controversial remarks made by their pastors, mentors, close associates or thinkers whose books they recommend?

My answer: Yes, it is fair.  But the emphasis should always remain on “pastors” and not “thinkers” like Karl Marx,  Bill Ayers and others who espouse destructive ideas that I’ve miraculously made standard thought among the political elite, as well as the faculty of most college campuses.

3. (a) Do you agree with those religious leaders who say that America is a “Christian nation” or “Judeo-Christian nation?” (b) What does that mean in  practice?

My answer:  No. America used to be a Christian nation.  Of course it is not now.  In practice a Christian nation would not kill millions of babies for convenience, celebrate homosexuality as normal, or trash Biblical sexual morality (all three are intimately related).  A Christian nation would not ban Christmas displays, censor Christmas carols in public schools, fire teachers for reading Bibles at work, object to crosses in public places (whether inadvertent or purposeful), freak out over after-school bible studies, go spastic over graduation prayers, kow tow to imprisoned terrorists on religious grounds, sue every person for every Christian utterance made in public, or … well, you get the idea.

4. If you encounter a conflict between your faith and the Constitution and laws of the United States, how would you resolve it? Has that happened, in your experience?

My answer: I encounter conflicts all the time.  The Constitution was written based on an implicit faith in the God of the Bible–an obvious conflict for my purposes.  Fortunately, I resolve it by convincing many people that the Constitution is “living” and subject to change based on prevailing morals by consensus.  Does it seem like the time is right to make abortion a Constitutional right?  Then, by God moi, I make sure someone finds that right buried in that dadgum thing somewhere. 

5. (a) Would you have any hesitation about appointing a Muslim to the federal bench? (b) What about an atheist?

My answer: Moi?  Ha ha ha ha ha.  Of course not. 

6. Are Mormons Christians, in your view? Should the fact that Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman are Mormons influence how we think of them as candidates?

My answer: No.  But Mormons can be just as damaging to my kingdom.  I hate Mormons almost as much as I hate Christians.

7. What do you think of  the evangelical Christian movement known as Dominionism and the idea that Christians, and only Christians, should hold dominion over the secular institutions of the earth?

My answer:  Frankly, that idea scares the . . . well, the . . . the heck out of me.  Fortunately, it will never happen, but I can use the notion to prey upon fears, just as I’ve done with Mr. Keller.  Question: Would Mr. Keller care if “Dominionism” was the idea that atheists, and only atheists, should hold dominion over “secular” institutions of the earth.  Why not?

8. (a) What is your attitude toward the theory of evolution? (b) Do you believe it should be taught in public schools?

My answer:  I LOVE the theory of evolution.  This theory has done more to advance my kingdom than any other in the history of the world.  Of course it should be taught in public schools, but not as Darwin presented it, a tentative scientific theory, but as dogmatic fact immune from criticism.  Darwin, a true scientist, included many reasonable scientific objections to his theory of descent with modification in his book Origin of Species.  I would not want students to know these objections, all of which continue as refutations to Darwin’s theory today.  One of my greatest lies on earth is that Darwinism is ironclad science and anyone who questions it is naïve at best, and evil at worst.  (Consider: Darwin’s own book, half of which contains scientific criticism of his theory, could not be taught in public schools today!  The criticisms are just as valid today, but they are not allowed to be taught. Darwin would likely abandon his theory based on them.)

9. Do you believe it is proper for teachers to lead students in prayer in public schools?

My answer:  Are you serious?  Of course not.  Unless, of course, the prayers are to an ungodly toy deity.

There you have it, my servants. 

I wonder how my answers would stack up against the politicians Mr. Keller opposes?

I wonder how my answers would stack up against the politicians Mr. Keller endorses?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Dutch treat; the dikes are broken.

Posted in evangelisim, False religion, gospel, heresy, multiculturalism, political correctness, religion, secularism, theology, toleration, Truth with tags , on August 9, 2011 by devilbloggger

De cirkel is rond.

Well, I needed some good news.  No, not that Good News, my servants, but my kind of good news.  And I got it today.  I’ll tell you what it is in a moment.  But first a quiz: Do you know where the American Pilgrims–those Godpunks who in 1617 landed at Plymouth Rock in the New World–came from?

Think.

No, not England.

Right!  Holland!  Yes, those grim Pilgrims indeed started in Grimsby, Lincolnshire, but eventually found refuge in Amsterdam, the Dutch being early adopters of religious freedom.

But by 1617 the struggling group decided to pack it up and ditch Holland not for old England but for New England.

And the rest is history, as they say.

Unless . . . well, yes, it appears the rest might be not history, but mystory after all!

Why do I say this?  Well, the BBC reported the most wonderful news today in an article entitled, “Dutch rethink Christianity for a doubtful world.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, Dutch Boy, it was always a doubtful world.  Don’t act like the world has changed.  It is you who has changed, and I’m the one who changed you.

For one, you believed my lies about the Bible, and stopped believing it was the word of God.  How do I know?  Well, consider some unbelievably heretical quotes from the BBC’s article. For starters, consider a dude named Mr. Hendrikse who dresses like a cleric and “presides” over a little “church” in central Holland.  But rather than preach from the Bible, Mr. Heretikse preaches the wisdom of man, saying:

Make the most of life on earth, because it will probably be the only one you get.

How, you ask, could any clergy blurt any such claptrap?  It’s easy when the “clergy” have abandoned truth for my lies.  Mr. Hendrikse?  He doesn’t even believe “that God exists at all as a supernatural thing.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, Mr. Hendrikse, why do you bother?

Really, why do you bother to wake up in the morning?  If you are right, then all is futile.  You are nothing more than an odd conglomeration of matter.  Why should any other conglomeration of matter listen to you?

But Mr. Hendrikse does wake up, my servants and he does speak, and others do listen.  And they listen to him spout stupid thoughts.  How do I know?  Because he wrote a book with a stupid title: “Believing in a Non-Existent God.”

And apparently he’s surrounded by hopelessly confused, lazy, stupid thinkers as well.  When some “more traditionalist Christians” objected to his heresy,

. . . a special church meeting decided his views were too widely shared among church thinkers for him to be singled out.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, never mind that I’ve won as soon as groups who don’t believe in God can be classified as “Christians,” just not the “more traditional” type.  Never mind that I’ve won as soon as a “meeting” can “decide” right doctrine based on the number of people believing it.  Never mind it all, my servants, just know that I’m winning on all fronts in Holland; someone let their finger out of the dike.

I’m winning, folks.

Orthodoxy by popularity.  I love it.

Hey, if enough people believe a lie, is it still a lie?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

According to some lie-believer named Wim De Jong, Mr. Heretikse’s beliefs are okey dokey because:

Here you can believe what you want to think for yourself, what you really feel and believe is true.

Yes, and if you really feel it enough and believe it enough, it magically becomes true, right?

Hey, Mr. Lie-Belcher, if God does exist, does he cease to exist because Mr. Wimsy De Jong really feels he doesn’t exist?

Oh, I love to see my servants’ illogical, darkened thinking.  It is really a badge of honor for me, and a stinging indictment of all true Christians in Holland.

The “churches” in Holland are “experimenting with the contents of the gospel” according to the BBC article because “traditional Christianity places God in too restricted a box.”  And by getting God out of his “box” the “churches” in Amsterdam believe they will attract more people.

And, I must admit, I hope they do!

I never thought I would say that about the Dutch.

And the beat goes on.

Will Nepal join my club?

Posted in evangelisim, proselytizing with tags , , on June 18, 2011 by devilbloggger

Quote of the Day: Of all the religions on earth, there is one I hate.
Obama’s Picture is Worth a Thousand (of my) Words.

Nepal.

Do you know where the highest point on earth is, my servants?  Yes, you are right, it is Mt. Everest.  Do you know where it is?  No?  I’ll tell you.  It is in Nepal.

Nepal, a little place with a big mountain, may become one of my favorites soon.  Want to know why?  Because, as reported at the Religion News Blog, in an article entitled, “Nepal Plans New Criminal Code Forbidding Evangelism,” it seems Nepal is on the verge of doing just that.

Go Nepal!  Or for you Nepalese servants of mine who wish to meet me in person some day, नेपाल जाओ!

You see, my friends, Nepal may soon join the ranks of countries which have made proselytizing illegal, even criminal.  And do you know what?  Everyone of those countries is on my fav list.  Muslim countries, Greece, China, and even Israel make evangelizing illegal.

Do you know why these countries are my favs?  Because there is only one real target for laws criminalizing proselytizing: Christians. 

Do you think Nepal is worried about Mormon missionaries trekking about their mountains?  Do you think Nepal feels threatened by a band of Scientologists passing out leaflets?  Do you think the Nepalize must constantly pretend they are not home due to the incessant door knocks from Jehovah’s Witnesses?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

No, there is only one belief system that has the power of God to change hearts and set souls free.  And this belief system was started by my nemesis, who, before he left this earth gave his followers a Great Commission: go and make disciples of all nations, including Nepal.

No other belief system has a Great Commission. 

Nepal is worried about Great Commissioners. 

As am I.

That’s why I’m working for Nepal, and so should you.

Hey, Nepal, do you know where the lowest point in earth is?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

नेपाल जाओ! आप मेरे क्लब में अगले हो सकता है!  (Go Nepal!  You can be the next in my club!)

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