Archive for the George Washington Category

Now I Thank MY Turkey!

Posted in atheism, False religion, George Washington, God, prayer, Thanksgiving with tags , on November 26, 2011 by devilbloggger

Delicious.

Just delicious, my good friends.  I’m telling you, it doesn’t get much better than this.  On a weekend in America where millions of humble hearts were turned toward God, one haughty, hard heart was turned toward me.  And it wasn’t just any haughty, hard heart.  It was the official First Heart of America, my good friend and ally, Barack Obama.

My non-American friends can hardly contemplate the significance of this weekend’s events for my kingdom.  America has a major holiday that was instituted originally (and later officially by the US government) as a day to thank the true God!  In the past this holiday with the disgusting name “Thanksgiving” was proclaimed with heartfelt, explicit, grindingly, ear-bleedingly, Hell-destroying exclamations of thanks and praise to God.

Consider, America’s first Thanksgiving Proclamation by their first First Heart, George Washington:

Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor – and Whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me “to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness.”

I wished I could die (which I can’t, of course).

Not just “God” but “Almighty God“!

America’s first First Heart was a grateful heart.

Blechhhh!!

Oh, but how I change times.  This week, America’s First Heart showed he has no gratefulness toward the Eternal Heart of God.

But that doesn’t mean he isn’t grateful.  It merely shows on whom he fully grates.

In fact, his words grated on every grateful heart in America as he proclaimed Thanksgiving this year without even mentioning God!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, I love it.

Because his words did not only grate on the hearts of men.

I hope Obama serves me four more years.

Because he does my will on earth as it is in Hell.

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Satan’s Thanksgiving Day Proclamation

Posted in George Washington, Thanksgiving with tags on November 24, 2010 by devilbloggger

Thanks to all my faithful readers, especially those from the Creative Minority Report and GodWeb, and also my many email subscribers, and my FIVE Twitter followers (woo hoo!).

Now to business:

Do you believe in George Washington?

Why?  You’ve never seen him. You can’t talk to him.  All you have are history books that say he existed at one time.  For all you really know he might be a mythical figure.  Right?

Do you believe in me?  Ha ha ha ha ha. 

George Washington, for all my non-American servants, was the first president of the United States.  And he was one dangerous dude.  He believed in God.  I mean really believed in God.  And he mixed God and Government all the time.

In fact, you know what he did?  He just about caused me to blow a gasket in 1789 when he proclaimed a PUBLIC day of PRAYER!  Can you believe it?  This caused Thomas Jefferson to quickly build a wall of separation between (theistic) church and state, so fortunately no president will ever do that again, but nevertheless the damage was done.  Since that day, Americans celebrate Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday in November.  Oh, the headaches!  Prayers come flying from all angles, many from people we have never heard before.

This must end, my servants.  And we are in a place to do it, I just need your help. To aid you in your service to me, I have provided below my Satan’s Thanksgiving Day Proclamation for the United States. 

To show you just how far I have brought the United States of America to doing my will, below I have side-by-side George Washington’s 1795 proclamation, and my proclamation.  George’s proclamation is on the left; Satan’s is on the right. 

Now, my servants, read closely, and tell me: which version below can you best imagine the current US president proclaiming?

See?  Am I good or am I good?

Here we go: it is long reading, but you must read to understand the fundamental shift I have caused in America:

A PROCLAMATION:
By the PRESIDENT of the UNITED
STATES OF AMERICA.

When we review the calamities, which afflict so many other nations, the present condition of the United States affords much matter of consolation and satisfaction. Our exemption hitherto from foreign war – an increasing prospect of the continuance of that exemption – the great degree of internal tranquility we have enjoyed – the recent confirmation of that tranquility by the suppression of an insurrection which so wantonly threatened it – the happy course of public affairs in general – the unexampled prosperity of all classes of our citizens; are circumstances which peculiarly mark our situation with indications of the Divine beneficence towards us. In such a state of things it is, in an especial manner, our duty as people, with devout reverence and affectionate gratitude, to acknowledge our many and great obligations to Almighty God and to implore Him to continue and confirm the blessings we experience.

Deeply penetrated with this sentiment, I, George Washington, President of the United States, do recommend to all religious societies and denominations, and to all persons whomsoever, within the United States, to set apart and observe Thursday, the nineteenth day of February next, as a day of public thanksgiving and prayer: and on that day to meet together and render their sincere and hearty thanks to the great Ruler of nations for the manifold and signal mercies which distinguish our lot as a nation, particularly for the possession of constitutions of government which unite and, by their union, establish liberty with order; for the preservation of peace, foreign and domestic; and for the seasonable control, which has been given to a spirit of disorder, in the suppression of the late insurrection; and generally for the prosperous course of our affairs, public and private; and, at the same time, humbly and fervently to beseech the kind Author of these blessings graciously to prolong them to us – to imprint on our hearts a deep and solemn sense of our obligations to Him for them – to teach us rightly to estimate their immense value – to preserve us from the arrogance of prosperity and from hazarding the advantages we enjoy by delusive pursuits – to dispose us to merit the continuance of His favors by not abusing them, by our gratitude for them, and by a correspondent conduct as citizens and as men – to render this country, more and more, a propitious asylum for the unfortunate of other countries – to extend among us true and useful knowledge – to diffuse and establish habits of sobriety, order, morality, and piety – and, finally, to impart all blessings we possess or ask for ourselves, to the whole family of mankind.

In testimony whereof, I have caused the seal of the United States of America, to be affixed to these presents, and signed the same with my hand. Done, at the city of Philadelphia, the first day of January, 1795, and of the independence of the United States of America, the nineteenth.

Go Washington,
President of the United States

 

A PROCLAMATION:
By SATAN for the UNITED
STATES OF AMERICA.

 When we review the calamities, which afflict our nation, the present condition of the United States affords much matter of consternation and dissatisfaction. Our embroilment in foreign war – an increasing prospect of the continuance of that embroilment – the great degree of internal uproar we experience – the recent confirmation of that uproar by the election of a conservative insurrection which so wantonly caused it – the troubled course of public affairs in general – the unexampled prosperity of the uppermost classes of our citizens; are circumstances which peculiarly mark our situation with indications of the beneficent Government towards us. In such a state of things it is, in an especial manner, our duty as people, with devout reverence and affectionate gratitude, to acknowledge our many and great obligations to the Government and to implore it to continue and confirm the meager blessings we experience.

Deeply enjoying this sentiment, I, Satan, de facto Prince of the United States, do forbid, based on separation of church and state, all religious societies and denominations, and to all persons whomsoever, within the United States, to set apart and observe any day as a day of public thanksgiving and prayer: but instead every day to meet together and render their sincere and hearty thanks to the great Ruling Class of the U.S. Government for the manifold and signal entitlements which distinguish our lot as a nation, particularly for the possession of living constitutions of government which demand separation of all God-thoughts from the public square and, by this division, establish oppression with order; for the appearance of peace, foreign and domestic; and for the temporary control, which has been given to a spirit of disorder, in the suppression of the late insurrection; and generally for the prosperous course of Government affairs, public; and, at the same time, loudly and greedily to beseech the Congressional Author of these blessings graciously to prolong them to us – to imprint on our wallets a deep and solemn sense of our obligations to Them for them – to fool us rightly about their immense cost – to preserve us from the curse of the prosperous and from highlighting the advantages we enjoy by delusive pursuits – to dispose us to merit the continuance of Government favors by not abusing them, by our gratitude for them, and by a correspondent conduct as citizens and as bondsmen – to render this country, more and more, a legal asylum for the dangerous of other countries – to extend among us expedient and convenient knowledge – to diffuse and establish blind toleration of insobriety, agitation, perverse morality, and private piety – and, finally, to impart the cost of all blessings we possess or ask for ourselves, to our children, and our children’s children.

In testimony whereof, I have caused the seal of the United States of America to be nigh unto death and delight to see it die.

Satan

Prince of the Air

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