Archive for the gospel Category

Are Mormons Christians? (Part I)

Posted in christians, False religion, gospel, religion, Truth with tags , on October 12, 2011 by devilbloggger

Mormons.

Mitt Romney, one of the Republican party nominees for US president seems to be taking lots of heat from some circles because he’s a Mormon.  The big question being batted around in a confused, muddled manner by anyone who self-identifies as an expert is this: Are Mormons Christians?

What do you think?

Hey, did you know that it doesn’t matter what you think?

Ha ha ha ha ha. (Think about it–truth is not changed by what you think about it!)

Mormons are either Christians or not regardless what you, or others, or 61% of those surveyed, or what Baptist pastors, or what Mormons themselves say.

So are they?

The answer is easy.  But to get to a meaningful answer one needs to define terms precisely.  And of course, my job on earth is to confuse, deceive, and generally screw up words and definitions so that a clear answer gets confounded in a religious mumbo-jumbo of theoillogical thinking and religobabble.

You see, the theoillogicalistic religobabbleationism of culture tends to deem as “Christian” anyone who claims to be a Christian, who is A Good Person, who pays lip service to The Bible, who claims to Follow Jesus, who goes to A Church, and who lives A Moral Life.

Only one problem: Hell is full of such people.

So are they?

Consider with me, my servants, the recent story in my Huffington Post religion section entitled, “Mitt Romney’s Mormonism: Pastors Say Mormons Not Christians, But Defend Candidate Against Attacks,” by Jaweed Kaleem.    Kaleem reports:

After prominent Texas megachurch pastor Rev. Robert Jeffress told audiences on Friday that Mormonism is a “cult” and conservative Christian activist Bryan Fischer took the stage the next day to echo similar views, a new survey released Saturday afternoon says that three out of four pastors agree, at the least, that Mormons are not Christians.

Three out of four, you say?  That’s pretty good odds.  Is that how truth is determined?  What if only one out of four believed Mormons are not Christians?  Would that change the truth of the matter?

Truth by consensus.  That’s my way, my servants.

But you know, if you have been a faithful reader, to expect more from moi.  Let me tell you the truth of the matter so that you need not be confused yourselves, but can nevertheless sow confusion all about your circle of influence.

For starters, one must forget magic underwear, multiple wives, miraculous spectacles, golden plates, Joseph Smith, missing civilizations, and all the other easy distractions of Mormonism.

One question matters to God and me: Who do you say that Jesus is?

There is one right answer to that question, and many, many wrong answers.

Christians have the right answer: Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God, fully God and fully man in one person, and will be so forever.

More simply: Jesus is God.  Jesus is the Second Person of the one God, the Holy Trinity.

Every other belief system or religion has a different answer, which is, by definition, a wrong answer.

If one answers the question any differently than do Christians, that person is not a Christian.

Simple.

The question is, therefore, how would a Mormon answer the question: Who do you say that Jesus is?

Look it up.

And then state the answer in the comments below.

Then the answer will become self-evident.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

(More on this and how I’ve totally screw up the debate later . . . )

Dutch treat; the dikes are broken.

Posted in evangelisim, False religion, gospel, heresy, multiculturalism, political correctness, religion, secularism, theology, toleration, Truth with tags , on August 9, 2011 by devilbloggger

De cirkel is rond.

Well, I needed some good news.  No, not that Good News, my servants, but my kind of good news.  And I got it today.  I’ll tell you what it is in a moment.  But first a quiz: Do you know where the American Pilgrims–those Godpunks who in 1617 landed at Plymouth Rock in the New World–came from?

Think.

No, not England.

Right!  Holland!  Yes, those grim Pilgrims indeed started in Grimsby, Lincolnshire, but eventually found refuge in Amsterdam, the Dutch being early adopters of religious freedom.

But by 1617 the struggling group decided to pack it up and ditch Holland not for old England but for New England.

And the rest is history, as they say.

Unless . . . well, yes, it appears the rest might be not history, but mystory after all!

Why do I say this?  Well, the BBC reported the most wonderful news today in an article entitled, “Dutch rethink Christianity for a doubtful world.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, Dutch Boy, it was always a doubtful world.  Don’t act like the world has changed.  It is you who has changed, and I’m the one who changed you.

For one, you believed my lies about the Bible, and stopped believing it was the word of God.  How do I know?  Well, consider some unbelievably heretical quotes from the BBC’s article. For starters, consider a dude named Mr. Hendrikse who dresses like a cleric and “presides” over a little “church” in central Holland.  But rather than preach from the Bible, Mr. Heretikse preaches the wisdom of man, saying:

Make the most of life on earth, because it will probably be the only one you get.

How, you ask, could any clergy blurt any such claptrap?  It’s easy when the “clergy” have abandoned truth for my lies.  Mr. Hendrikse?  He doesn’t even believe “that God exists at all as a supernatural thing.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, Mr. Hendrikse, why do you bother?

Really, why do you bother to wake up in the morning?  If you are right, then all is futile.  You are nothing more than an odd conglomeration of matter.  Why should any other conglomeration of matter listen to you?

But Mr. Hendrikse does wake up, my servants and he does speak, and others do listen.  And they listen to him spout stupid thoughts.  How do I know?  Because he wrote a book with a stupid title: “Believing in a Non-Existent God.”

And apparently he’s surrounded by hopelessly confused, lazy, stupid thinkers as well.  When some “more traditionalist Christians” objected to his heresy,

. . . a special church meeting decided his views were too widely shared among church thinkers for him to be singled out.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, never mind that I’ve won as soon as groups who don’t believe in God can be classified as “Christians,” just not the “more traditional” type.  Never mind that I’ve won as soon as a “meeting” can “decide” right doctrine based on the number of people believing it.  Never mind it all, my servants, just know that I’m winning on all fronts in Holland; someone let their finger out of the dike.

I’m winning, folks.

Orthodoxy by popularity.  I love it.

Hey, if enough people believe a lie, is it still a lie?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

According to some lie-believer named Wim De Jong, Mr. Heretikse’s beliefs are okey dokey because:

Here you can believe what you want to think for yourself, what you really feel and believe is true.

Yes, and if you really feel it enough and believe it enough, it magically becomes true, right?

Hey, Mr. Lie-Belcher, if God does exist, does he cease to exist because Mr. Wimsy De Jong really feels he doesn’t exist?

Oh, I love to see my servants’ illogical, darkened thinking.  It is really a badge of honor for me, and a stinging indictment of all true Christians in Holland.

The “churches” in Holland are “experimenting with the contents of the gospel” according to the BBC article because “traditional Christianity places God in too restricted a box.”  And by getting God out of his “box” the “churches” in Amsterdam believe they will attract more people.

And, I must admit, I hope they do!

I never thought I would say that about the Dutch.

And the beat goes on.

Church growth in America (my way)

Posted in Bible, Catholic Church, christians, gospel, liberals, multiculturalism, political correctness, theology, toleration, Truth with tags , , on July 11, 2011 by devilbloggger

Shrinking.

Have you ever heard of a Church Shrink Expert?  A Church Shrink Consultant?  How about a Church De-membership Drive, or a Church Negative Growth Committee?

No?

I don’t know why not.  After all, Church Shrink Experts and Church Shrink Consultants are ubiquitous in the modern church.  In fact, they control most of the governing bodies of the mainline denominations, leading them step by step to empty pews and cultural irrelevancy.

It took years for me to groom the numbers on earth today, but Church Shrink Experts now control most established protestant denominations, and many Catholic and Orthodox churches.

And they are very effective. 

Does anyone care?  Consider Churchboy:  If your local congregation disappeared today, would anyone in your community care tomorrow?  Would anyone in your community even notice?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Answer honestly Churchboy.  The fact of the matter is that most churches on earth today exist primarily for those inside and hardly at all for those outside. 

And the numbers of those inside are shrinking. 

Coincidence?

My servants, I’ve watched the steady decline in numbers of mainline churches with great pride.  I am Church Shrinking Expert One, and I must pat myself on the back for my great success in this area. 

And, at the risk of reversing my trend I thought I would share three tips for Church Shrinking with you.  What spurred my thinking on this was a news story today in The New American entitled, “United Church of Christ Votes to Remove “Heavenly Father” from Bylaws.” 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love it!  Remove Heavenly Father from their earthly, human, manmade bylaws?  

The New American reports:

Explaining the change, which reflects a trend toward gender-neutralizing (and in some cases feminizing) God that has been in vogue throughout the denomination for years, UCC spokesperson Barb Powell told World Net Daily:

In the UCC, our language for God, Christ and the Holy Spirit … is preferred to be more open for different expressions of the Trinity. Heavenly Father is just one vision.

Well, yes, “Heavenly Father” is just one vision.  Never mind that it is God’s vision.  I suppose when one decides to make God politically correct anything is possible.  If scripture is to be ignored another equally valid vision is that God is a unicorn.  Even better, a bi-sexual unicorn with two mommies.

Why not?

No, really, why not??

But what I like best is the quote from David Runnion-Bareford of Biblical Witness Fellowship (BWF), a group formed to battle “UCC’s theological surrender to the moral and spiritual confusion of contemporary culture.”

He called the latest compromise by the church, which is one of the most rapidly shrinking Protestant denominations in America, “a powerful confession by the Synod of the UCC that, having rebelled against the word of God, is on sinking sand — with our members, churches, historic witness, and identity in Christ washing away before our eyes.”

Sorry Dave, you are losing this battle.  And the great swooshing sound of church members washing away before your eyes illustrates my first, and most important Church Shrinking tip: 

Tip 1: Be Relevant; mold scripture to modern culture.

Get it?  It is the Gospel of Modern Niceness.   Modern political correctness demands tolerant niceness to all.  We all learn that it’s nice to be nice to the nice, and the only one’s who aren’t nice are those meanies who believe the Bible to be God the Father’s (sorry, UCC) word on earth.

Does gender specific language offend?  Then just change it!  Be relevant to those to whom (and to those two, whom) such language is a barrier to communion with whatever God you believe you worship. 

But the Niceness doesn’t end at gender nonsense, of course.  Niceness leads to denominational endorsement of same-sex marriage, ordination of homosexual ministers, and implicit condoning all manner of sexual impropriety that now imposes as the contemporary norm.  Consider an elaboration of this tip from John Richardson, who has studied Shrinkology in modern churches:

Contemporary relevance is a fundamental tool in denominational shrinkage. Not only does it deter people from going to your churches, it actually camouflages the fact that they are not.

And, as Richardson states, here is the great lie that goes unnoticed until all the pews are empty:

But of course nobody will commit themselves to a church which is preaching what they (the non-churchgoer) already practise. Sundays are for resting, in bed or with family and friends, not sitting in uncomfortable buildings … watching badly performed rituals and listening to the blessed thoughts of the half-unbelieving and half-trained, though well-intentioned, minister.

I couldn’t have said it any better.  And it just amazes me how many Christian denominations, in an effort to grow abandon the very reason for church in the first place: scripturally sound doctrine that drives a self-controlled disciplined lifestyle, set apart from the world, being transformed by the renewing of the mind to God’s thoughts to be more like Jesus daily.

Blechhhh!  I can’t believe I even wrote that.

Tip 2:  Drop Your Demands

Related to being relevant in modern culture, dropping troublesome demands on a sinful lifestyle and stressing holiness is a sure-fire church shrinker.  As Richardson notes:

[M]aintaining the demands of orthodox belief generally doesn’t sit well with denominational shrinkage. A broad church is, by and large, a leaky church. If you want to lose the average person from your church then, paradoxically, you must declare as ‘faith’ what the average person already finds it easy and comfortable to believe. Never mention the afterlife except in terms of cosy reassurance about the love of God. Specifically, never mention hell – except when assuring people that a loving God could not possibly send anyone to such an awful place invented by vindictive humans etc. (It may be necessary to keep off the Bible in general or Jesus’ own words in particular at this point.)

Yes, make your church one of Easy Believism.  Do not require repentance, a holy lifestyle, adherence to scripture in matters of morals and behavior, or any of the other things that Jesus tends to like.  And never, never, mention H-E-L-L.

Tip 3:  Never mention or stress mission.

Jesus gave a Great Commission that scared the socks off me when I first heard it.  Go into all the world . . . making disciples . . . of all nations.  Each phrase chilled my already cold soul as I realized what would happen to my kingdom once the Great Commissioners got moving. 

Fortunately in the modern church today, particularly in Western cultures, there is virtually no Great Commissioning going on.  Most Christians go through their entire lives without making one disciple!

I know, my servants, I know.  It’s unbelievable!

But it’s true.  Churches with members that don’t reach out to friends, neighbors, co-workers, and their surrounding community with Good Deeds and Good News will only shrink away to oblivion.  It is inevitable; it is happening now.  As Richardson concludes, quoting a book The Churching of America 1776–1990 by Roger Finke and Rodney Stark:

[T]o the degree that denominations rejected traditional doctrines and ceased to make serious demands on their followers, they ceased to prosper. The churching of America was accomplished by aggressive churches committed to vivid otherworldliness.

Yes, that’s true to an extent.  But the fact is that all churches are committed to “otherworldliness.”  But because the “otherworldliness” is not “vivid” a shrinking number are aggressively committed to God’s “other world” while a growing number are aggressively committed to my “other world.”

Lack of vividity fuels church growth my way.

Viva nonvividity!

Terrible News Tuesday (No. 4)

Posted in Catholic Church, christians, gospel, political correctness, religion, separation of church and state, theology with tags , on April 12, 2011 by devilbloggger

Alliance.

Do you know what I like almost more than anything, my servants?  Division.  I love to divide families, communities, nations, and, most of all the Body of Christ.  Imagine a body all chopped up, its various parts rendered useless by their disconnectedness to the head. 

Abortion?  Of course, but I’m speaking figuratively, although, all destruction by tearing apart what God put together makes a beautiful sight.

Which brings me to some terrible news today. 

Do you know what I dis-like more than just about anything else?  Unity.  Blechhhh!

That’s why I reluctantly bring you bad news today, my servants.  Imagine my trepidation when someone brought me the Christianity Today headline entitled, “An Improbable Alliance.”    It seems that Catholic and evangelical theologians are successfully seeking common ground on religious liberty, an issue that I’ve used to cause frequent strife between the two groups.

Oh my.

Maybe I pushed liberty-crushing political correctness too far.  Maybe I disguised prejudice against Christianity behind the smokescreen of tolerance a little too well.  Maybe God is working in the hearts of Christians . . . bah!

I remember when I tried to abort the early body of Christ by splitting up the early church.  I had various factions quarreling among one another; one saying “I follow Paul,” another, “I follow Apollos,” another, “I follow Peter,” another, “I follow Christ.”

Then the apostle Paul (whom I thought would be flattered to have had a denomination named after him, like Wesley or Luther) came along and put a stop to that.  “Is Christ divided?” he asked.

Ouch!

Paul heaped on the truth of unity in the Body of Christ:

“Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. . . . [W]e preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.”

But, fortunately, men continued to trade the foolishness of God for the wisdom of men.  And once Paul left the scene wise men once more began dividing up to follow Paul, Apollos, Peter, and, a very few, Christ.

It was a beautiful sight.

That’s why this “Improbable Alliance” makes me ill.  The alliance, manifested in a group called “Evangelicals and Catholics Together” (ECT), seeks to bring together all Christ followers in a common cause. 

Evangelicals and Catholics together?

Impossible, right?  I mean, come on, what possibly could bring these two together?  That’s like a group called “Water and Oil Together.”  The only way that could happen is with great agitation.

Oh, wait . . .

Hmmm . . .

Yes, maybe you, my servants, screwed up with your politically correct intolerant agitation and stirring up of religious bigotry.  According to the article, ECT seeks to restore lost religious liberty:

“Now we are standing together to defend the religious liberty of all believers, which is under assault around the world and in the U.S.”

And the ECT Godpunks go further, taking deadly aim at our kingdom, my servants, by recognizing up front that while the two groups have serious theological differences, joining together in alliance has great value:

“It allows us to make common cause on the great moral issues facing our culture, including the sanctity of life, the dignity of marriage, and religious freedom.”

Learn this carefully, my servants: this is code language for efforts at joining in alliance to stop abortion on demand, prevent same-sex marriage legislation, and restore religious liberties in the public square.

You can see why I’m peeved. 

I just hope this doesn’t catch on.  I hope Catholics continue to condemn Protestants and Protestants to look down their noses at Catholics.

At least then I still have those who are of Peter and those who are of Paul, which leaves very few who manifest truly being of Christ.

Alliance?  History is on my side.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yeah, that’s why Jesus was crucified. Right.

Posted in gospel, religion, theology with tags , , on April 6, 2011 by devilbloggger

Crucifixion.

Whew!  That was a close one.  For a moment I faced the thought that maybe, just maybe, my Huffington Post stumbled and inadvertently posted the truth on its “Huffpost Religion” page.  If I had a heart it would have skipped a beat.  If I had blood it would have boiled.  If I had hair it would have stood on end.  Yes, that was close.

Yes, my servants, imagine my horror when I read in the reliably ungodly Huffington Post religion section this title of an article by Matt J. Rossano: “Why Was Jesus Crucified?”

Yikes!

Oh great, I thought.  Now I’m going to have to do damage control.  Everyone knows why Jesus was crucified; I don’t need no HuffPo blogger reminding me and everyone else.

But fortunately, Mr. Rossano came through for me on this one.  He very cleverly repeated some of my newer and more clever lies about Jesus’ nature and work, turning Jesus’ saving work into nothing more than a political ploy to bring liberal social reform to a corrupted Roman empire.

Ahhh . . . that’s more like it.

You can read it for yourself, but let me highlight some of my brilliance that shines through Mr. Rossano’s thoughts. 

First you will notice that Mr. Rossano shows no evidence of knowing Jesus personally as his savior.  This is critical for anyone’s success in my kingdom, and allows Mr. Rossano to write on something as monumental as Jesus’s crucifixion with a casual academic air blown by a political agenda.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that!  In fact, such people with minds darkened by my lies turn out egregiously wonderful opinions of Jesus and his reason for crucifixion.

Mr. Rossano quickly disposes of “the standard Sunday school answer” to the question “Why was Jesus crucified?” noting for the record trivialities like “man’s salvation, eternal life, to reconcile humanity to God, etc.”

Etc.? 

According to Mr. Rossano, these cannot be the reasons Jesus was crucified because such simplistic naiveté “would have made little sense to those directly involved in the event itself.” 

Really?  Er . . . I mean really!

Never mind that the “standard Sunday school answer” happens to be what the bible says.  Mr. Rossano knows better than the bible!  What Mr. Rossano delightfully dismisses is the very gospel itself, on which every Christian takes his or her stand and is saved: that Christ died for sins according to the scriptures, that he was buried, that he wa raised on the third day according to the scriptures, and that he appeared to Peter, and then to the Twelve.

It must be all that “according to the scriptures” stuff that throws off people like Mr. Rossano.  Because he and those like him apparently haven’t read or don’t believe the scriptures.  They have no need of “scripture” except as it advances their political agenda.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Mr. Rossano comes to my conclusion because, he reasons, people at the time of Christ, if asked why Christ was crucified, would not likely have “muttered anything remotely like what most Christians say today.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

It’s the old “because the people thought Jesus was being crucified as a rabble rouser, he must have been just a rabble rouser” lie.  (I didn’t think anyone would really believe it!)

Mr. Rossano’s take on the “just a thief and troublemaker because that’s what his contemporaries thought” lie is a little more sophisticated.  For this I give him great credit.  He maintains that Christian theology provides no reason why Pilate ordered Jesus to be crucified.   A careful study of Roman practices leads any rational person to the only rational conclusion: Pilate had Jesus crucified because he “preached justice–and it wasn’t Rome’s justice; it was God’s justice.”

And what, according to Mr. Rossano, does “God’s justice” look like?  It looks remarkably like modern US liberalism:

“Roman commercialism had corrupted Jewish society, Jesus argued. A few were getting very rich cooperating with the Romans while most were being dispossessed and taxed to death. This rupture in the Jewish community was threatening their relationship with God. The Jewish people were supposed to be a people of righteousness and justice, worshipping a God of righteousness and justice. But under Roman rule, their society was becoming just like all the others — a wealthy arrogant elite grinding down on an increasingly desperate working class.”

And, of course, Jesus was merely trying to redistribute wealth, forcefully humbling the arrogant elite and liberating the desperate working class.  The Romans, who loved mammon more than God, of course crucified Jesus to stop his preaching social justice.

That’s all.

Everyone knows that.  Right?

What?

You say that Herod and Pontius Pilate met together with the Gentiles and the people of Israel in Jerusalem to conspire against the holy servant Jesus, whom God anointed, and that they did what God’s power and will had decided beforehand should happen?

Your are saying it was God’s plan to work through men to crucify Jesus for the very reason Mr. Rossano dismisses?

That must be more of that “according to the scriptures” stuff, right?

Well, you take the Bible.  I’ll take Huffington Post religion.

Of course, I’m already in Hell, so what does it matter to me?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Terrible News Tuesday

Posted in christians, gospel with tags , , on March 15, 2011 by devilbloggger

Drats!

Tell me, my servants, why can’t I capitalize on a great disaster like the earthquake and tsunami in Japan?  Why?  Whenever these things happen I relish the buzz about the internet and media, usually asking “how could a loving God do this?” or “why would an all-knowing God allow this?” or, simply “where’s God?”

Well, don’t look, my servants, but God is there.  In the midst of my playground of chaos, confusion, destruction and overall havoc, I find in today’s Crosswalk.com an article entitled, “On the Ground in Japan, Christians Get to Work.”

Drats again.  I wondered who all those smiling people were.

Those Christians!  Can’t I enjoy a little fear and sadness without being interrupted by hundreds or even thousands of loving helping hands?  Please, friends, give me a little time to work permanent despondency in large numbers of people!

The radiation cloud isn’t even finished spewing yet, and I read that “Christian organizations based in Japan are using social networking sites coordinate relief efforts.” 

And it gets worse, my servants:

“One Christian group led by Jonathan Wilson has activated a team of volunteers using Facebook. Christian Relief, Assistance, Support and Hope (CRASH Japan) is working closely with JEMA (the Japanese Evangelical Missionary Association), to coordinate a large network of experienced volunteers who live in Japan and are familiar with the nation’s culture and language. Leaders are currently setting up a command center in Tokyo with bases in affected areas.”

How can these people even think they will be effective?  Don’t they know that I work in the hearts and minds of people to blame God for such disasters?  Don’t they know that Japan is not historically Christian, and all efforts will be seen as meddling?  Don’t they know that everyone will see their true motives and their true hearts, and their true . . . hands and feet, and their true . . . love?

Oh, it’s terrible news, my servants.  Terrible.

Everyone just go home.

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