Archive for the Hell Category

Allow Me to Introduce Myself…

Posted in Bible, Devil, Great Satan, Hell on May 26, 2012 by The Temptress

I am Temptress.

Mmmmm.

It feels wonderful to be here.

I am usually much more sneaky and quiet and behind the scenes, so this is unusual for me to make a more public appearance on my Master’s blog.

My name is Temptress.

And it is your privilege to learn more about me so that you can be on guard against those “believers in the true God” who fight against me in search of humility, acceptance of suffering, selflessness…. Ugh, nevermind… Typing those words hurts my long fingernails and you can go look up that stuff in that despicable book, the Bible (if you have the stomach for it.  I don’t.)

You see, I am a demon of beauty, influence, and power, and I offer you your heart’s desires on earth: the ones that will cause you to accidentally fall in luck with my Master so that you become his servant and ultimately live with us in hell.  I made my decision long ago, to follow that attractive “angel of light”, and it was only after he dragged me into the netherworld that I saw what was truly waiting for me.  My goal is to bring as many humans as possible down to hell to join us, and I have been quite successful. In fact, since we demons hate each other and are always competing, I may as well point out that I believe I am the MOST successssssful.

Well… ahem… outside of my Master himself.

The thing is, my little babes, I care for you.  I appear beautiful and even motherly to you.   I want you to gratify yourself, to find the greatest earthly pleasures, to take your mind off your pain in many creative ways (not prayer!!!)…

Let me ease your pain…

I am Temptress,

and I look forward to helping you.

Post-Hell Christianity? Huh?

Posted in Bible, christians, Hell, progressives, theology with tags , on July 17, 2011 by devilbloggger

Expansive.

Hell in the news again, my servants.  And you just have to love the title of the latest article in my Huffington Post entitled, “Post Hell Christianity and Other Questions of the Afterlife.”  The Huffington Post article, written by Kim Lawton of Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly, asks us to imagine what happens after death.  Is there an afterlife?  Is there a heaven?  Who gets in?  And what happens to those who don’t.  But more importantly, M. Lawton reports on renewed discussion in Christian and so-called Christian circles on the very existence of Hell.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love it.  Post-Hell Christianity?

Really?

How can that be?  There may be a post-Hell worldview, a post-Hell belief system, even a post-Hell religion, my friends. 

But it is categorically impossible to have a post-Hell Christianity

Come to think of it, why do people care?  Really, why are people who have no interest in pleasing God beyond accepting self-approved religious beliefs even concerned with Hell at all? 

In any event consider: How do we know anything at all about Heaven or Hell in the first place?

Huh?  Think, think, think.

Right!  There is only one reason that the concept of Heaven or Hell, much less the very words themselves, even exist in our language: the Bible.

The Bible, and particularly Jesus, were very clear on the existence of Hell, who it was created for (moi, merci), who else is going to populate it (peut-être vous, s’il vous plaît?), and what it is like (vous ne voulez pas savoir). 

And, although I don’t like to advertise for the competition, as well Jesus Christ was very explicit about how to get to Heaven.

So why the discussion? 

Well, my friend Bell has a view on Hell that he’s tried to sell causing others to yell in an effort to quell the rising swell of something that smells.

Go that?  Rob Bell’s, the name.  Robbing Hell’s the game.   You can read what I’ve written about Rob Bell here, here, and here

Here’s how Ms. Lawton sets up the current issue over Hell’s existence.  First she quotes some truth-bearing Godpunk named Mary Vanden Berg, an assistant professor of systematic theology at Calvin Seminary:

There is one sure way to know that you will spend eternal life with God, in the presence of God, and that is through faith in Jesus Christ.

But according to Ms. Lawton’s article: “Bell offers a more expansive view.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.  I like “expansive.”

Expansive means, “Well, yes, the Bible has something explicit to say about Hell, but I prefer to read in my own interpretation of more tangential sayings of Jesus Christ.”

Why?

Why not?  Hey, if truth can be changed merely by believing something different, why not?

Wait . . . hmmmm.

Whatever.  According to Ms. Lawton, “Bell points to Scriptures where Jesus says he is restoring all things and drawing all people to himself.”

In other words, Hell is not where unbelievers spend eternity, because Jesus restores everything to himself and draws all people to himself, which, I’m guessing Bell believes is in Heaven (it’s hard to tell, because Bell relies not on the whole of scripture for his worldview).

Hey, Bell, if that’s true, why preach any gospel at all? 

Hmmm?

Why?

You can get back to me on that one.  In the meantime, keep on preaching the love of Christ absent the judgment of Christ. 

And I will keep on welcoming the BellHellers with Hell’s bells.

But don’t call your preaching Christian.  Because it is not.  A gospel without a literal, imminent, eternal Hell is one of my clever perversions, one of my confusions, one of my deceits, in which people fail to understand the plain teaching of Jesus Christ.

The world may have entered a post-Hell era.  But it is not post-Hell Christianity.  It is merely post-Christian.

Period.

The Devil is Dancing Tonight?

Posted in Hell with tags , on July 5, 2011 by devilbloggger

Murder.

It’s finally over, my friends.  For reasons lost on me it seems the entire world was captured by what is otherwise a daily occurrence: the murder of a baby.  Of course I’m talking about the Casey Anthony trial, which ended today with Casey Anthony being found not guilty of murdering her baby girl, Caylee. 

Why all the fuss?

Well, yes, it did happen that this baby was already born.  And this baby had a name.  These are technifications that seem to matter only to men and women; otherwise the facts are identical: an unwanted baby is killed for, among other reasons, the convenience of some already-born people.

That’s why, my servants, I found Casey’s circus trial amusing.  If Casey had merely killed Caylee before Caylee was big enough to require duct tape over her little open mouth, she would have been free as, well, as she is now!  But without all the fuss.

But do I care about Casey, Caylee, or anyone else?  No, of course not.  I bring all this up only because something one of my servants read earlier today caught my ear.

It seems Nancy Grace, speaking on CNNs Headline News about Casey’s not-guilty verdict had this to say:

But I know one thing: As the defense sits by and has their champagne toast after that not guilty verdict. Somewhere out there, the devil is dancing tonight.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

How right she is!  But the irony is that her statement is true every night!

You see, my servants, we in Hell are not so different in this respect than the angels in Heaven.  Those Heavenly angels of God rejoice over every sinner who repents.

Guess who the angels of Hell get to rejoice over?

Ha ha ha ha ha. 

We rejoice over every sinner who doesn’t repent.

Party!

You see, my servants, just like Casey Anthony, everyone on earth will be judged one day.  But unlike Casey Anthony’s case, everyone will be judged according to God’s righteousness by an all-knowing, holy judge. 

Everyone.

Unfortunately, some will be judged according to the righteousness of Christ.  Those to whom the righteousness of Christ is imputed by faith will stand in his righteousness on that day.  That’s why God’s angels rejoice when sinners enter sinless into God’s kingdom through repentance of sins on earth.

But those who appropriate the blood of Christ for the forgiveness of sins are relatively very, very few.  So fortunately, that leaves relatively many on the wide path to my kingdom.

Of course, we in Hell cannot rejoice until those who fail to obey God’s grace finally breathe their last unrepentified breath on earth.  But the wait is worth it, as the numbers are so high we experience almost continuous, raucous,  hellish rejoicing over each wide-eyed, disoriented soul who stumbles terrified through our gates.

So, yes, Nancy, I’m dancing tonight.  But it’s not because of Casey Anthony.

Yet.

Southern Baptists: Hell is Real!

Posted in Bible, False religion, Hell, heresy with tags , , , , on June 20, 2011 by devilbloggger

Quote of the Day: Rob Bell is not the first to preach the Gospel Of Human Fairness, which goes by the theological name of “universalism.” Entire denominations are built around the idea that a loving God would never send anyone to Hell. . . . [I]f Rob Bell is right Jesus is either a liar or a lunatic.  — Rob Hell? Fortunately, no.

Wheeee!

Here we go again, my friends.  Hell is hot news today, with its really real realitiness seeming to hang in the balance of the opinion of men.  Question:  If everyone on earth believed a literal Hell did not exist, would the truth of Hell’s existence change?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

A prime vanity of human beings, my servants, is the propensity to believe that truth conforms to what one thinks about it.

Hey, did you know, my servants, that there is one thing, nay, two things on which Jesus and I are in perfect agreement?  First, we both believe that God exists and he is who he says he is.  And second, we both believe in a literal Hell, and it is what he says it is.

Why doesn’t everyone agree with Jesus and me?  Well, on the first point many people speak as fools, and on the second many fools speak as people.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that!  Because at least I get to meet all the fools personally and thank them for their blind service to my kingdom.

But those Southern Baptists in the United States?  I have to do some work on them there backwoods Bible Thumpers.  It seems that those trouble makers held a convention last week and issued a resolution asserting their “belief in the biblical teaching on eternal, conscious punishment of the unregenerate in Hell.”

According to a TIME mag story reported by Yahoo news entitled, “Religious Rebuttal: Southern Baptists Resolve that Hell is Real,” we read that the Southern Baptists did their rebutting with a Resolution titled succinctly, “Don’t Believe in Hell? Well, Die and Learn.”

Well, it’s about time!  Finally someone is standing up for moi and my proud abode!  I was beginning to believe that even Christians would soon write me off as a mean myth or a meddlesome metaphor.

But now there are two places, at least, where the truth about Hell is confirmed: In the Southern Baptist’s resolution and in the Bible.

Maybe people will believe the Southern Baptists.  Who knows?

But why the perceived need by those Baptist ne’er-do-wells to publicly reiterate the Bible’s plain teaching?  Who butted in the first place that necessitated a rebuttal?

Look no further than the Resolution’s first “Whereas” clause:

WHEREAS, Rob Bell, in his 2011 book, Love Wins, has called into question the church’s historical teaching on the doctrine of eternal punishment of the unregenerate …

Ha ha ha ha ha.

That Rob Bell dude.  I like him.  I’ve written about him here, and here.   Apparently no-Hell-Bell has decided that Jesus’ clear message in the Bible has produced “theological rigidity” and, according to Bell, a “dangerous thing” in a “faith of exclusion.”

So Rob Bell wrote another book to supplant the Bible’s teachings, called Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived.  I blogged it here.

According to critics, in Love Wins Bell decided to rectify Jesus’ theological rigidity by preaching universalism, a theology that suggests everyone goes to Heaven and Hell is empty.

Winner, winner, chicken sinner!

Question: which is more dangerous, to tell someone they are headed for a cliff or to pretend the cliff doesn’t really exist?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Now, the good part, my servants.  Let me show you how poor thinking skills, faulty logic, and an untrained mind work to further my kingdom.  According to the TIME article, Bell defends his unorthodox teaching with the following jewel of my deception:

 When we get to what happens when we die, we don’t have any video footage. So let’s at least be honest that we are speculating, because we are.

Really, RobMyBelleButNotMyHell?  Really?

Tell me, My Belle, is there any video footage of Heaven?

No?

Then on what basis can you say anything about Heaven or Hell?  Isn’t it all speculation.  Why should we listen to your speculation about Heaven any more than we should listen to your speculation about Hell?

Shouldn’t we be looking for someone who knows, and who isn’t relying on speculation?  Perhaps one who created both Heaven and Hell?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

For Rob Bell, it’s all speculation. 

For Christians, it’s not.

Look!  Here comes another Love Wins reader!  Look at that face!

Wheeee!

Progressives and the Reality of Hell: Dysfunctional Utopia

Posted in atheists, christians, Hell, progressives, Uncategorized with tags , on June 17, 2011 by devilbloggger

Quote of the Day: Love wins as each person facing eternity with me immediately becomes a true believer; my realm teems with irredeemable theists, like me.
Rob Hell? Fortunately, no.

Progressives.

Political progressives are religious, too, you know.  Most are atheists, or practical atheists.  But many call themselves Christians, and some are Christians.  Do you know how to tell if they are “progressive” or not?  I’ll tell you: ask them if they believe in Hell.

A real, literal place called Hell.

A living progressive will answer “no” or lie and mumble something about “maybe”.

Of course, a dead progressive would tell you yes, if only he or she could.  My kingdom is full of regretful progressives.

As long as only you and I know this, my servants, all is well.  The fact that progressives, including Christians and those who call themselves Christians, don’t believe in Hell is a mixed blessing.  I must admit it hurts a bit that most people do not believe in Hell, and similarly, don’t believe in me.

This must be how God feels.  Or worse, because unlike me, God actually cares for each person who rejects belief in his existence.

But having people not believe in Hell ultimately works to my favor because this non-belief manifests itself in a lifestyle that furthers my will on earth.  The unbelieving progressive rarely harms my kingdom directly and never harms my kingdom indirectly by winning new souls to freedom in Christ. 

That’s why, my servants, I hate to read articles like the one in Crisis Magazine by Samuel Gregg entitled, Hell, Heaven, and Progressive Catholics.  Mr. Gregg shines the light of truth on the subject, and although he focuses on Catholic progressives, his analysis is equally valid for all Christians and those who call themselves Christians.

Noting the propensity of Catholics to embrace politically expedient but scripturally questionable political positions, Mr. Gregg correctly notes a reason:

Though it’s impolitic to say so, one such pressure may be the effective denial of the reality of hell that has become part of much contemporary Christian life.

Yikes!

If plain truth like that gets mainstream attention, my gig might end sooner than I hoped!

Yes, impolitic, but true, my servants.  Large swaths of so-called Christians (how could someone say they are a follower of Christ and deny Hell?) simply don’t believe in Hell anymore.  Hell is so last century.  Outdated.  Or, as Mr. Gregg recognizes, simply uncomfortable:

Hell is not a comfortable subject. The idea that we can, by virtue of one or more of our free choices, potentially separate ourselves eternally from God’s love is frightening.

And while this discomfort drives many people to ignore Hell in the belief that it then goes away, Mr. Gregg dangerously takes God’s side in the matter:

But the reality of hell and that it will be populated by those who fail to choose to repent of such choices (we don’t know the identity or number of such people, and pray and hope we won’t  be among them) is firmly attested to by Scripture and Tradition.

My servants, let me be plain with you.  I know you will keep this confidential.  Hell is populated by millions who failed to repent.  We’re full to the brim, with newcomers tumbling in every hour.

And as long as Christians fail to fully grasp the reality of Hell as an eternal destination for those who fail to yield to God’s grace on Earth, I’ll just have to keep finding more room for the daily arrivals.

But the real earthly benefit to my kingdom in progressive Hell-deniers is the transfer of faith from God to government.  As Gregg notes:

Pope Benedict illustrates how the disappearance of the hope of heaven meant people started putting their faith in science to create a totally new world: “a kingdom of man” rather than the kingdom of heaven. This, Benedict argues, explains much of the modern world’s dysfunctionality.

Dysfunctionality.  I like that.

And with respect to Catholics, Mr. Gregg notes:

When it comes to Catholics, hell’s disappearance and the ensuing trivialization of the hope of heaven has resulted in some effectively redefining their faith so that it becomes almost exclusively focused on various political agendas with utopian flavors (“end poverty forever”).

Utopian political agendas.  I like that, too.

Dysfunctionality and utopian political agendas go together like thunder and lightning: both originate in lofty turbulence and the former always follows the latter.  Sow utopian political agenda; reap dysfunctionality.

But if Christians ever do grasp the reality of Hell . . .

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It will never happen.

Everyone still here?

Posted in common sense, Hell, Truth with tags , on May 22, 2011 by devilbloggger

SITYS

As promised, my servants, I’m live blogging on May 22.  Nothing unusual on my end, just the regular busy processing of incoming souls into my eternal kingdom.  Thousands of them; about the normal number.  We got the usual suspects — perverts, those given over to shameful lusts including unnatural sexual relations, gossips, slanderers, God-haters (aka atheists), the insolent, the arrogant and boastful persons, those who invent ways of doing evil, those who disobey their parents, the senseless, the faithless, the heartless, the ruthless, and many who called themselves Christians. 

The regular crowd.

All of these knew that their behavior saddened God, and short of appropriating by faith God’s forgiveness, the word is sure: they will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.

But everyone has an inheritance.

Later, my servants.  I will post on a particularly delightful new outburst of unnatural sexual relations among those who call themselves Christians.

Later.  Today.

Stay tuned.

PS: Let this be a lesson, my servants, on how easily many earthlings can be led astray into not only reasonable beliefs, but very unreasonable beliefs.  Everyone believes they have the truth, very few actually do.

No Heaven? What about Hell?

Posted in atheism, atheists, False religion, Hell with tags on May 17, 2011 by devilbloggger

Gladly putting up with fools.

Stephen Hawking speaks.  And the world listens.  Why?  Because Stephen Hawking is a Smart Man who as a preeminent physicist has caught glimpses of God Himself, but foolishly chose to focus only on himself.

You can read Smart Man’s latest yourself in today’s UK Guardian in an article entitled, “Stephen Hawking: ‘There is no heaven; it’s a fairy story.'”

Everyone can go home now.  A Smart Man has spoken.  And I’ve conditioned most people to believe Smart Men of science.  In fact, the realm of materialistic science is the only place you will find Smart Men on earth.  And, in fact, earth is the only place you will see people beholden to materialistic science.  Everyone else in the universe knows better.

According to earthling materialistic scientist Hawking:

I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.

I wonder how he knows this.  He didn’t say.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But here’s my question for Mr. Hawking: why is he pontificating about Heaven?  Shouldn’t he be more concerned about Hell?

Well?

Heaven’s existence will be inconsequential for all those who, like Stephen Hawking, reject the existence of God.  But Hell?

Well!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love the deluded foolish minds of those considered wise on earth.

Do you want to see people afraid of the dark, Mr. Hawking?  Wait until you see the desperate hopelessness of those terrified of a black darkness that even you can’t imagine.  Wait until darkness becomes your only friend, your only constant, the only adjective you will ever need in your vocabulary to describe your chosen existence.

Let me illustrate some more examples of the foolishness of Godless Smart Men.  The Guardian article continues:

In the interview, Hawking rejected the notion of life beyond death and emphasised the need to fulfil our potential on Earth by making good use of our lives.

Good use of our lives?  What is “good use” in the absence of Good?

In answer to a question on how we should live, he said, simply:

We should seek the greatest value of our action.

He said “simply” because it is the answer of a Godless simpleton.  What is the “greatest value” in the absence of a Greatest Value, Mr. Hawking?  Is it the value you deem greatest, or the value I deem greatest?

What if my greatest value is to rid the world of people in wheelchairs?  Is that the action I should seek?  If not, why not?

You see, my servants, how I have filled the earth with Smart Men who get listened to without anyone really hearing.  These men tickle the ears of their listeners, falsely confirm the wishes of many, and deceive the innocent often.  

Hearing what one wishes to hear is a human trait, fortunately.  Because there is one Voice on earth who speaks always, gets listened to some, but is rarely heard.

And the beat goes on.

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