Archive for the multiculturalism Category

Crime: Blame it on Heaven?

Posted in False religion, freedom, Government, liberals, multiculturalism, political correctness, progressives, separation of church and state, toleration, Uncategorized, worldview with tags on June 23, 2012 by devilbloggger

Crime.

It probably does not surprise you to know that I love crime.  I love lawlessness.  I love people who are lawless.  I love people who believe their actions carry no moral weight beyond their selfish ends.  I love people who believe they can flaunt the law because there is no one who can stop them, and if someone does stop them there are no negative consequences.

And I’m not talking about President Obama.  (But don’t you just love how he can explicitly flaunt the law and get away with it?  Who’s going to stop my main beelzebud???  Ha ha ha ha ha ha.  I love it!).

No, I’m talking plain old ordinary crime.

I am the author of crime, which is merely man’s name for what amounts to breaking God’s law (and, usually, his heart).

God?

What does God have to do with crime?

Well, apparently a lot according to a pleasingly misleading headline over at CBS Seattle.  The title initially baffled me: Study Finds People Who Believe in Heaven Commit More Crimes.

Vraiment?  Etes-vous sûr?

Something seemed amiss, even to moi.

So I investigated a little, and found to my great satisfaction, that my instincts were correct, and my will on Earth is lurching along just fine; it was just another example of my media slanting a story (they thought) against Christians.

No!

Yes!

You see, my servants, after the arresting title (get it?), anyone who reads the story will find a different story.  The very first line reads:

Believing if you are on a “highway to hell” could impact whether or not if you commit a crime.

What?  I thought this was about belief in Heaven (note, also, CBS’s editorial mistake of not capitalizing the name of a real place).

Well, there was a heavenly slant.  The article continues:

A study published in the scientific journal PLoS One by University of Oregon’s Azim Shariff and University of Kansas’s Mijke Rhemtulla finds that people who believe in hell are less likely to commit a crime while people who believe in heaven more likely are to get in trouble with the law.

Well, well.  Let’s think about that statement for a moment, shall we?

Go ahead, think.

I’m waiting.

Because if you think for yourself about the above statement you will be rewarded by a great insight into my almost complete success in blinding the postmodern human mind.

Oh, OK, I’ll tell you.

Note the implications of the research above: people who believe in Heaven apparently don’t believe in Hell!

How can this be?

You see?  The people who believe in Heaven commit crimes.  But if they believed in Hell, the wouldn’t.

Who are these people?

Well, let me gloat: these are my people.

You see, Christians believe in both Heaven AND Hell (or else they would not be Christians)

But there are swarms of my misguided out there who live by wishful thinking, and who are apt to believe in Heaven, but believe Hell is a myth.

Wouldn’t you?

After all, if Truth were mere merely convenient, so that it conformed to what one thought about it, all those Heaven-not-Hell’ers would be on their way to paradise–crimes and all!

But . . .

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, my.  Pardonnez-moi, mes amis.

Of course, Truth is not changed by what anyone thinks about it.  And you should see the Heaven-not-Hell’ers as they come tumbling down the chute through my wide-open gates!  Suddenly those crimes come flooding back into their  now-permanently depraved minds.

After all, Earth is the only place in the universe where there are beings who do not believe in Hell.

But no one stays on Earth forever.

So, of course, just like belief in God, everyone eventually believes in Hell.

So, my servants, let’s keep this study quiet.  After all, if governments and societies were led by smart and wise people, they would once again teach little chillens the truth about Hell.  And if that happened I would see many fewer startled faces tumbling into my kingdom.  The study authors, in fact, “believe that the study raises “important questions about the potential impact of religious beliefs on global crime.”

Yes, it does.

Shhhhh!

Obama is NOT a Muslim! You MUST believe me and help me convince others!

Posted in christians, congress, God, Government, islam, multiculturalism, Muslims, Obama, politics, religion, socialism, Truth, worldview with tags , , on March 12, 2012 by devilbloggger

False. Religion.

Listen, my servant friends.  There is a story on the wires that worries me.  It was published today in the LA Times, in an article entitled, “Poll: Obama’s a Muslim to many GOP voters in Alabama, Mississippi.”  Yes, my friends, many people think that Obama is truly a Muslim!  We must stop this nonsense.  This is one time when you must believe me.  (Really!!)

Let me explain.

Keep in mind that this is very confidentialistic–please treat it as such.  Here it is: Obama isn’t anything but a politicoreligisopportunistika.  That is, he has no core beliefs on ultimate issues of truth, but he will say or do anything of a religious nature for political reasons.

Obama is not unusual among politicians in this regard, but the difference between Obama and virtually every other US president is that Obama continues to push MY kingdom to levels even I would never have imagined in America’s old-fashioned Christian days.

Could you have predicted under any other president that a 30-year old woman would shamelessly and publicly go before the United States Congress and ask for free birth control pills?  I’m not sure who makes me the most proud, the hussy or the hustled.  But just imagine the Congress under any other administration listening to such embarrassing, brazen, shameless talk from a proudly loose woman on behalf of an entire Catholic university of openly loose women.

My how I’ve changed things when it’s a compliment to say about women that they have a “reputation.”   And Obama wants his girls to grow up just as proud of their reputation as he wants this woman’s parents to be of their daughter’s.  He said so.

Unbelievable!

And Americans sit back and yawn, or argue over religious rights versus women’s rights.

Pinch me!

We’ve come a long way, baby!

That’s why this talk of Obama being a Muslim must stop.  Because the only reason I’ve successfully pushed America so far toward the abyss that hardly any Americans get embarrassed at hussies hustling them for handouts, is because Obama does not act like a Christian!

Got it?  Regardless of whether Obama is truly a Muslim or not, he clearly, by his actions, is not a Christian.

And that’s all I care about.

I don’t care what people say they are.  Half the people in Hell say they were Christians.  Big deal.  They didn’t act like it.

And Obama, because he has no core values beyond those of a socialistic worldview, will, if pushed, shamelessly act like a Christian.  And if Obama starts acting like a Christian, my kingdom on earth will suffer.

And I don’t like to suffer.

So here’s what I want you to do, my servants.  At every chance you get, battle the rumors that Obama is a Muslim.  Refute those who base their judgments on what he does, and not what he says!  Make up excuses for his associations, his childhood experiences, his clear affinity for Muslim culture and beliefs, his barely veiled antipathy toward Christianity and Christians.

Because if we can’t convince people Obama is not a Muslim simply because he acts like one, then Obama, being the smart tool he is, will start acting like a Christian.

And I hate those who act like Christians.

Period.

Images from The People’s Cube, a must-visit website.  Go there.  Now.

Memories of 9/11

Posted in multiculturalism, political correctness, religion, secularism with tags , , , , on September 10, 2011 by devilbloggger

Memories.

Yes, I have memories of 9/11 just like everyone else.  Fond memories, in fact.  It was one of my better days on earth. Killing, stealing, and destroying all in one big, burst of eye-riveting, televised extravaganza of devilish destruction.

Ah, yes, fond memories.  Rarely has my work on earth produced such lasting fruit for my kingdom.

Let me share a few with you, my servants, including the best memory, which I’ve saved for last.

I remember the terror imposed on an entire planet by a few of my handmaidens (they hate it when I refer to them as “my handmaidens”).

I remember with great satisfaction the desperate phone calls from the confused and terrified innocents inside the burning buildings and the doomed airplanes.

I remember basking in my success of the moral conundrums of the media and political elite as they strove to avoid using words like “evil” and “wrong,” except against “religion” in the abstract.

I remember provoking many to steer the collective conversation to one about “religious extremists” and how extremists can be found in “every religion,” and so “religion” must be suspect everywhere.

I remember my delight in seeing the dancing in the Arab streets in celebration of our common goal.

I remember, unfortunately, the seemingly unlimited number of men who fearlessly charged into the World Trade Center to rescue those inside.  I remember thinking to myself, who are these men among modern men?  I rarely see such selfless bravery in men anymore.  Same for those men among men who moved with “Let’s Roll” on Flight 93.  Of course, I got them all as well, although now that I think about it, I don’t recall ever seeing them down here.

I remember the short-lived attention of many to spiritual matters.   So many people began praying for the first time that for a moment I panicked, thinking that maybe my plan would ironically backfire.  Fortunately, in almost every case, people soon went back to their prayer-less lives.  The few that didn’t fail to outweigh my destructive success.

But here’s what I remember with the greatest delight: the surprised looks on the smirking faces of those 19 al-Queda badboywusses when they came tumbling into my eternal presence.   Mohamed Atta, Marwan al-Shehhi, Ziad Jarrah  Khalid al-Mihdhar Nawaf al-Hazmi, Hani Hanjour and all the others–smug smirks quickly turned to wide-eyed confusion.

I remember Mohamed Atta swaggering up first, looking around, as if he was expecting to find something else.

I remember to this day the shock in all their faces when I told them, “Sorry, little prettyboy pukes, but we’re clean out of virgins down here.  It’s just me.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Dutch treat; the dikes are broken.

Posted in evangelisim, False religion, gospel, heresy, multiculturalism, political correctness, religion, secularism, theology, toleration, Truth with tags , on August 9, 2011 by devilbloggger

De cirkel is rond.

Well, I needed some good news.  No, not that Good News, my servants, but my kind of good news.  And I got it today.  I’ll tell you what it is in a moment.  But first a quiz: Do you know where the American Pilgrims–those Godpunks who in 1617 landed at Plymouth Rock in the New World–came from?

Think.

No, not England.

Right!  Holland!  Yes, those grim Pilgrims indeed started in Grimsby, Lincolnshire, but eventually found refuge in Amsterdam, the Dutch being early adopters of religious freedom.

But by 1617 the struggling group decided to pack it up and ditch Holland not for old England but for New England.

And the rest is history, as they say.

Unless . . . well, yes, it appears the rest might be not history, but mystory after all!

Why do I say this?  Well, the BBC reported the most wonderful news today in an article entitled, “Dutch rethink Christianity for a doubtful world.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, Dutch Boy, it was always a doubtful world.  Don’t act like the world has changed.  It is you who has changed, and I’m the one who changed you.

For one, you believed my lies about the Bible, and stopped believing it was the word of God.  How do I know?  Well, consider some unbelievably heretical quotes from the BBC’s article. For starters, consider a dude named Mr. Hendrikse who dresses like a cleric and “presides” over a little “church” in central Holland.  But rather than preach from the Bible, Mr. Heretikse preaches the wisdom of man, saying:

Make the most of life on earth, because it will probably be the only one you get.

How, you ask, could any clergy blurt any such claptrap?  It’s easy when the “clergy” have abandoned truth for my lies.  Mr. Hendrikse?  He doesn’t even believe “that God exists at all as a supernatural thing.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, Mr. Hendrikse, why do you bother?

Really, why do you bother to wake up in the morning?  If you are right, then all is futile.  You are nothing more than an odd conglomeration of matter.  Why should any other conglomeration of matter listen to you?

But Mr. Hendrikse does wake up, my servants and he does speak, and others do listen.  And they listen to him spout stupid thoughts.  How do I know?  Because he wrote a book with a stupid title: “Believing in a Non-Existent God.”

And apparently he’s surrounded by hopelessly confused, lazy, stupid thinkers as well.  When some “more traditionalist Christians” objected to his heresy,

. . . a special church meeting decided his views were too widely shared among church thinkers for him to be singled out.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, never mind that I’ve won as soon as groups who don’t believe in God can be classified as “Christians,” just not the “more traditional” type.  Never mind that I’ve won as soon as a “meeting” can “decide” right doctrine based on the number of people believing it.  Never mind it all, my servants, just know that I’m winning on all fronts in Holland; someone let their finger out of the dike.

I’m winning, folks.

Orthodoxy by popularity.  I love it.

Hey, if enough people believe a lie, is it still a lie?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

According to some lie-believer named Wim De Jong, Mr. Heretikse’s beliefs are okey dokey because:

Here you can believe what you want to think for yourself, what you really feel and believe is true.

Yes, and if you really feel it enough and believe it enough, it magically becomes true, right?

Hey, Mr. Lie-Belcher, if God does exist, does he cease to exist because Mr. Wimsy De Jong really feels he doesn’t exist?

Oh, I love to see my servants’ illogical, darkened thinking.  It is really a badge of honor for me, and a stinging indictment of all true Christians in Holland.

The “churches” in Holland are “experimenting with the contents of the gospel” according to the BBC article because “traditional Christianity places God in too restricted a box.”  And by getting God out of his “box” the “churches” in Amsterdam believe they will attract more people.

And, I must admit, I hope they do!

I never thought I would say that about the Dutch.

And the beat goes on.

How to make an atheist cross

Posted in atheism, atheists, cross of Christ, False religion, freedom, multiculturalism, political correctness, politics, religion, separation of church and state, theology, toleration, Truth with tags , , on July 27, 2011 by devilbloggger

Cross.

You know I hate crosses, don’t you?  Crosses represent everything that I oppose, everything that I despise, everything that I wish I could change but cannot.  Crosses represent the one act, the one event, the one person of ultimate life.  O Death, where is my sting?

Blechhh!

Fortunately for my kingdom, me and mine are not the only beings in the universe who hate crosses.  One other class of beings also hates the cross, a class of humans who believe in disbelief, have a different faith, and hate the cross: atheists.

Humans are the only kind of being in the entire universe who can believe God does not exist; all other beings know the truth.  All other beings in Heaven and Hell are theists.

In fact, atheists also know the truth.  That’s why they try so hard to disbelieve

Do you know who theists write about? 

Right!  God.

Do you know who atheists write about? 

Right again!  God!

Why do atheists spend so much time thinking, writing, speaking, and generally fulminating about God?  Do atheists spend equal amounts of time and anguish insisting Bigfoot does not exist?

So it was with some amusement, my servants, when I read today’s article at CNN entitled, “Atheist group wants to stop World Trade Center cross.”  Apparently, the perpetually agitated became downright cross over the notion of displaying a cross at the World Trade Center memorial of the 9/11 terror attack.

The CNN article explains:

The World Trade Center cross, two intersecting steel beams that held up when the twin towers collapsed on September 11, 2001, is seen as iconic to some.

No, iconic to all, apparently, even our not-so-tolerant protectors of tolerance, the Godhaters.

What’s a good group of cross agitators to do when agitated by a cross in America?

Right! Sue, baby, sue!

America the sue-tiful!

Yes, my servants, the American Atheists filed a lawsuit this week in state court in New York claiming the “government enshrinement of the cross was an impermissible mingling of church and state.”

Of course, the American Atheists only consider “church” to include a belief in God.  This is because they are fools.  There are plenty of recognized religions/churches that hold to atheism as their theology.  Everyone knows this.  Even atheists claim religion status when it is convenient.  Here is one example.

Hey, I wonder if American Christians can sue to have crosses placed everywhere, because to not display a cross an impermissible mingling of atheistic church and state.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You see, my servants, the state will always promote a religion.  It may be a theistic religion.  It may be an atheistic religion.  But church and state are necessarily “mingled” at every level.

Why do I care?  Well, it’s because atheists are also asatanists; they do not believe in moi.  And to tell the truth, that hurts a bit.  To try so hard to impact their lives with lies.  To see them believe my lies and reap the consequences.  To see them curse God instead of me.  Or to see them simply ignore God and me.  It just makes me a little irritated to get no credit for impacting their lives in such visible, tangible ways.

This must be how God feels. 

I suppose it’s not all bad.  At least I get to spend eternity with them.  God doesn’t.

So let’s take a look at these brainiac American Atheists.  To show you how darkened minds think, minds filled with hate and intolerance at those whom they believe hateful and intolerant, let’s take a peek at the American Atheists’ “Religion” page, and see what we can find out about these religionists.

Consider this gem of intellectual brilliance:

Religion spreads like disease through societies, rarely coexisting with pre-existing mythologies, rather preferring to conquer or be conquered. Religion is anything but tolerant.

And you, my servant American Atheists, do you co-exist with mythologies?  Don’t you prefer to conquer?  Are you tolerant?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Try this:

Religion is malicious, malevolent, and unworthy of respect.

Uh … it may be just moi, but you are coming across as overtly malicious, blatantly malevolent, and, quite frankly, entirely unworthy of respect.

Sorry.

And then, to show they know nothing about physics, the American Fools say this:

Atheism, the absence of religion, is the only “ism” that obeys the laws of physics. 

Really?  Tell me, Atheist Einstein, why is there something instead of nothing, and how does your answer obey the laws of physics?

Ha ha ha ha ha. (Most atheists don’t even understand this question, and won’t even try.  But when understood, the question highlights the atheists necessary faith in a godless miracle.  Shhhh …)

Hey, Lamesteins, where do “laws” that must be obeyed come from in the first place?

(Never mind the fact that “isms” don’t obey anything, atheist idiots.  Matter and energy obey the laws of physics.  “isms” merely express faith in an explanation of an unseen and unprovable physical event of the creation of matter and energy.  In both cases, theistic and atheistic, this explanation embodies the believer’s necessary faith).

In fact, my friends, atheism is a religion (at least legally in the United States), or it is the theology of godless religions like Religious Humanism (which all atheists are, whether they know it or not).

But back to the issue of the cross.  My servants, even though atheists rub me the wrong way because they are also asatanists, I must support them in their efforts at eliminating all crosses from public view.

It’s time that everyone put down their crosses and stop following Christ.  It’s time that the symbol of all that is good in the universe, the symbol of victory over death, the symbol of my ultimate defeat, the symbol of a functionally peaceful society, the symbol of a common cultural understanding, the symbol of help in time of need, the symbol of mercy and grace, the symbol of hope in a dying world, the symbol of . . .

Oh, gag me.

Just support the atheist fools on this one, my servants.  Please?

Now I’m cross as well.

Church growth in America (my way)

Posted in Bible, Catholic Church, christians, gospel, liberals, multiculturalism, political correctness, theology, toleration, Truth with tags , , on July 11, 2011 by devilbloggger

Shrinking.

Have you ever heard of a Church Shrink Expert?  A Church Shrink Consultant?  How about a Church De-membership Drive, or a Church Negative Growth Committee?

No?

I don’t know why not.  After all, Church Shrink Experts and Church Shrink Consultants are ubiquitous in the modern church.  In fact, they control most of the governing bodies of the mainline denominations, leading them step by step to empty pews and cultural irrelevancy.

It took years for me to groom the numbers on earth today, but Church Shrink Experts now control most established protestant denominations, and many Catholic and Orthodox churches.

And they are very effective. 

Does anyone care?  Consider Churchboy:  If your local congregation disappeared today, would anyone in your community care tomorrow?  Would anyone in your community even notice?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Answer honestly Churchboy.  The fact of the matter is that most churches on earth today exist primarily for those inside and hardly at all for those outside. 

And the numbers of those inside are shrinking. 

Coincidence?

My servants, I’ve watched the steady decline in numbers of mainline churches with great pride.  I am Church Shrinking Expert One, and I must pat myself on the back for my great success in this area. 

And, at the risk of reversing my trend I thought I would share three tips for Church Shrinking with you.  What spurred my thinking on this was a news story today in The New American entitled, “United Church of Christ Votes to Remove “Heavenly Father” from Bylaws.” 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love it!  Remove Heavenly Father from their earthly, human, manmade bylaws?  

The New American reports:

Explaining the change, which reflects a trend toward gender-neutralizing (and in some cases feminizing) God that has been in vogue throughout the denomination for years, UCC spokesperson Barb Powell told World Net Daily:

In the UCC, our language for God, Christ and the Holy Spirit … is preferred to be more open for different expressions of the Trinity. Heavenly Father is just one vision.

Well, yes, “Heavenly Father” is just one vision.  Never mind that it is God’s vision.  I suppose when one decides to make God politically correct anything is possible.  If scripture is to be ignored another equally valid vision is that God is a unicorn.  Even better, a bi-sexual unicorn with two mommies.

Why not?

No, really, why not??

But what I like best is the quote from David Runnion-Bareford of Biblical Witness Fellowship (BWF), a group formed to battle “UCC’s theological surrender to the moral and spiritual confusion of contemporary culture.”

He called the latest compromise by the church, which is one of the most rapidly shrinking Protestant denominations in America, “a powerful confession by the Synod of the UCC that, having rebelled against the word of God, is on sinking sand — with our members, churches, historic witness, and identity in Christ washing away before our eyes.”

Sorry Dave, you are losing this battle.  And the great swooshing sound of church members washing away before your eyes illustrates my first, and most important Church Shrinking tip: 

Tip 1: Be Relevant; mold scripture to modern culture.

Get it?  It is the Gospel of Modern Niceness.   Modern political correctness demands tolerant niceness to all.  We all learn that it’s nice to be nice to the nice, and the only one’s who aren’t nice are those meanies who believe the Bible to be God the Father’s (sorry, UCC) word on earth.

Does gender specific language offend?  Then just change it!  Be relevant to those to whom (and to those two, whom) such language is a barrier to communion with whatever God you believe you worship. 

But the Niceness doesn’t end at gender nonsense, of course.  Niceness leads to denominational endorsement of same-sex marriage, ordination of homosexual ministers, and implicit condoning all manner of sexual impropriety that now imposes as the contemporary norm.  Consider an elaboration of this tip from John Richardson, who has studied Shrinkology in modern churches:

Contemporary relevance is a fundamental tool in denominational shrinkage. Not only does it deter people from going to your churches, it actually camouflages the fact that they are not.

And, as Richardson states, here is the great lie that goes unnoticed until all the pews are empty:

But of course nobody will commit themselves to a church which is preaching what they (the non-churchgoer) already practise. Sundays are for resting, in bed or with family and friends, not sitting in uncomfortable buildings … watching badly performed rituals and listening to the blessed thoughts of the half-unbelieving and half-trained, though well-intentioned, minister.

I couldn’t have said it any better.  And it just amazes me how many Christian denominations, in an effort to grow abandon the very reason for church in the first place: scripturally sound doctrine that drives a self-controlled disciplined lifestyle, set apart from the world, being transformed by the renewing of the mind to God’s thoughts to be more like Jesus daily.

Blechhhh!  I can’t believe I even wrote that.

Tip 2:  Drop Your Demands

Related to being relevant in modern culture, dropping troublesome demands on a sinful lifestyle and stressing holiness is a sure-fire church shrinker.  As Richardson notes:

[M]aintaining the demands of orthodox belief generally doesn’t sit well with denominational shrinkage. A broad church is, by and large, a leaky church. If you want to lose the average person from your church then, paradoxically, you must declare as ‘faith’ what the average person already finds it easy and comfortable to believe. Never mention the afterlife except in terms of cosy reassurance about the love of God. Specifically, never mention hell – except when assuring people that a loving God could not possibly send anyone to such an awful place invented by vindictive humans etc. (It may be necessary to keep off the Bible in general or Jesus’ own words in particular at this point.)

Yes, make your church one of Easy Believism.  Do not require repentance, a holy lifestyle, adherence to scripture in matters of morals and behavior, or any of the other things that Jesus tends to like.  And never, never, mention H-E-L-L.

Tip 3:  Never mention or stress mission.

Jesus gave a Great Commission that scared the socks off me when I first heard it.  Go into all the world . . . making disciples . . . of all nations.  Each phrase chilled my already cold soul as I realized what would happen to my kingdom once the Great Commissioners got moving. 

Fortunately in the modern church today, particularly in Western cultures, there is virtually no Great Commissioning going on.  Most Christians go through their entire lives without making one disciple!

I know, my servants, I know.  It’s unbelievable!

But it’s true.  Churches with members that don’t reach out to friends, neighbors, co-workers, and their surrounding community with Good Deeds and Good News will only shrink away to oblivion.  It is inevitable; it is happening now.  As Richardson concludes, quoting a book The Churching of America 1776–1990 by Roger Finke and Rodney Stark:

[T]o the degree that denominations rejected traditional doctrines and ceased to make serious demands on their followers, they ceased to prosper. The churching of America was accomplished by aggressive churches committed to vivid otherworldliness.

Yes, that’s true to an extent.  But the fact is that all churches are committed to “otherworldliness.”  But because the “otherworldliness” is not “vivid” a shrinking number are aggressively committed to God’s “other world” while a growing number are aggressively committed to my “other world.”

Lack of vividity fuels church growth my way.

Viva nonvividity!

A Different Jesus

Posted in Bible, christians, False religion, multiculturalism, political correctness, progressives with tags , , , on June 13, 2011 by devilbloggger

Quote of the Day:  I don’t have any great beef with the Mormons, in fact I find their view of who Jesus is to be fascinatingly attractive.  I just wish their belief was true; maybe then I’d get a little familial respect out of Heaven.  Yo, bro! . . . Yeah, yo bro, where’s my birthday card?
Gays not so happy with Mormons, October 10, 2010

Heresy.

You don’t hear the word “heresy” much any more, do you?  I’ve made sure this very useful term, describing a controversial or novel change to a system of beliefs, especially a religion, rarely gets used for two reasons.  First, most people are so ignorant of truth they cannot detect a heresy.  And second, in today’s post-modern, truth-is-relative world, the word has lost its very linguistic necessity.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

In other words, if there is no absolute truth there can be no heresy.  Everyone’s a winner!

But every once in a great while some big mouth Godpunk decides to call out heresy, and it’s happened today, albeit without using the term “heresy,” in a piece at Patheos.com entitled “A President’s Faith Matters: An Interview with Warren Cole Smith.”

I warn you not to read the piece, my servants.  I will tell you what you need to know.  But this piece, in which Timothy Darymple interviews Smith, does warrant a Level 2 devilbloggger Alert, because views expressed by Smith, if not ignored, can be very damaging to my kingdom on earth.

Before we go to Smith’s interview, however, let me impart to you some highly classified strategic information, my servants.  The only place you will find what I’m about to tell you is in the Bible, which, fortunately, appears to be ignored on this topic. 

When I realized who Jesus is, and the power of the gospel, I realized that I potentially faced a mass defection of captive souls to freedom in Christ.  In the early days of the Gospel message people busted through my prison gates thousands at a time.  We could hardly stem the tide.

But, as I’m apt to do, I got thinking about an effective deception to slow the exodus.  And I was very successful.  Here’s what I did: instead of try to stop the preaching of the true Jesus and the true Gospel, I introduced into the human population a number of false Jesuses and false gospels.

Pervert and confuse; it’s what I do.

And it worked like a charm.  I had false preachers preaching false gospels, some for the money, and some for the show, but all of them ready to go, go, go, throwing people into confusion and perverting the pure with the impure.

The apostle Paul was so flustered and angered he had to write:

But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned!

And he expressed exasperation at the futility of his message:

For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached … or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Poor Paul.  The world is now flooded with different Jesuses, and it’s a beautiful thing.  Let’s take a look

  1. For Christian Science, Jesus is a man in tune with the Divine Consciousness, but not the Christ.
  2. For Islam, Jesus is a created being, a prophet, but not God.
  3. For Jehovah’s Witnesses, Jesus is Michael the archangel who became a man.
  4. For Mormons, Jesus is the brother of moi, the devil, and of all people.
  5. For Theosophists, Jesus is a great teacher.

And here is the single common thread that runs through all the false Jesuses and the single attribute that sets them apart from the Jesus of Paul’s gospel:  they are not God.

That’s it, my servants.  Please keep this confidential, but it’s as simple as that.  To identify heresy in a religion, ask one simple question: Who do you (men) say that Jesus is?

If the answer is anything other than God in the flesh, specifically the second person of the Holy Trinity as revealed in the Bible, you have identified one of my many false Jesuses, and, consequently, a false gospel.

Congratulations! You have found one of my heresies!

Fortunately, most human beings could not identify a heresy to save their life; which of course explains why so many don’t identify a heresy until they lose their life.

There are no heretics in my kingdom, only irredeemable theists who know exactly who Jesus is and what the gospel is.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Back to that busybody Godpunk Smith — he has lately blabbed away about the Mormons, and his plainspoken truth could have dire consequences with respect to that particular brand of heresy. 

Smith has this to say about Mormonism:

It is not orthodox, biblical Christianity as understood by the three great streams of Christianity (Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant) and as expressed in the historic creeds of the church.

Yikes!  If that sort of clarity ever escapes the bounds of thought-controlling culture to be let loose in the minds of men, my kingdom will suffer. 

As to why it matters today, Smith states the obvious:

What I think is causing the problem here is that Mormons like to assert that they are Christians “just like us.” They often tell me, “We worship the same Jesus you do.”

And, Smith concludes:

It is to these assertions that I am saying, “Well, no, that’s just not true.”

In other words, Mormons don’t worship the same Jesus, and are, consequently, heretics with respect to Christianity.

I’m just glad no one else is stating the obvious.

And I’m happy that those who do are either ignored or called a bigot, both of which I’ve arranged for my enemy Warren Cole Smith.

What you, my servants, should do is ensure that the world remains confused on this issue.  Welcome all who call themselves Christians as Christians, regardless of the basis for their identity.

Never challenge one’s belief, as that is intolerant and leads to discord. 

Always stress that “God is love,” and he accepts all, regardless of belief.

And, remember that if God doesn’t accept you, I will.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

%d bloggers like this: