Archive for the Original Sin Category

No, really, your soul is already “sould”!

Posted in christians, Devil, Original Sin, theology, Truth, Uncategorized with tags , on March 23, 2012 by devilbloggger

Selling. Souls.

My friends, for some reason many people believe I have some kind of magical power over humans, especially in the area of granting fortune and fame to those who sell themselves out to me.  As Wikipedia notes, it seems that a “deal with the Devil, pact with the Devil, or a Faustian bargain is a cultural motif widespread in the West.”  In general, the notion is that a person can offer his or her soul in exchange for diabolical favors.

Favors?

You really want my favor?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Apparently some do.

Thus, about a year ago I received a question on my “Ask Satan” page from someone named Simon who wanted to know how he goes about selling his soul to me.  I answered it, I thought, in a post about a year ago entitled, Sell your soul to me?  Uh, it’s already sold my friend.

I thought.

But I continue to get inquiries, including this one just last week in the comments section of the very post that answered Simon:

“i want to sell my soul how i doin that now can some one help me.”

Then, just yesterday, also in the comments section of the post answering Simon, I got the following request:

“Satan i wanna join you,make md rich and famous.”

Do these people not read??  (Of course, it appears not, based on the fact that they can barely write).

So, once again, at the risk of divulging kingdom secrets, let me elaborate on the following, which I explained to Simon:

While I appreciate your interest, Simon, in fact no sale of your soul to me is necessary because unless you have escaped my captivity by the blood of Christ I already own your soul.

You see, my faithful servants, the very idea of “selling your soul” is misplaced.  Your soul is already sold!

Your soul is already mine!

Why should I pay you with fortune, fame, or any other goodie when I already have your soul?

The only option for you at this time, my servants, is to have your soul redeemed!

Blechhhh!

The very thought.

But let me continue.

Pay attention, my servants, and you will be pleased to know that you need not appeal to me any longer to “sell your soul” to me.  You can rest in peace (let’s hope) in the knowledge that by your very nature as a human being you already belong to me.

There was a time when the earth was inhabited by innocent human beings.  I marveled at these creatures who were unlike any ever created.  They were not mere animals.  They were not angels.  They were not God.

But these walking, talking creations had one attribute that practically drove me mad: they were made in the image of God.

The image of God!  That’s what I wanted!

I tried to set myself up in the image of God and got punished with eternal damnation.  And here were human beings that were made from the git-go in that very image.

I set out to destroy them with the only power granted to me–the power to lie, cheat, and steal by deceiving temptationistification.

And temtationsitificate I did.

There were only two of them.

So I had to act fast.

And I did.

And the only thing God did not create entered the world shortly thereafter: sin.

Now, you are asking yourself, what does that have to do with selling your soul?

Glad you asked.

That wonderful day in the garden I succeeded in tempting the first humans to sin, particularly that man, Adam.  And just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, in this way death came to all men, because all have sinned.

Get it?

Sin entered into the human race through that one disobedient man.

Every person on earth born of the seed of man is born a sinner.

Am I good or what?

You are a not a sinner because you sin; you sin because you are a sinner.

That is, you are born mine!  I already own your soul by virtue of your being born of the seed of your father.

I am good.

The only human not born mine is one not born of the seed of man.

And that’s happened only once.

Blechhhh!

You see, then, you can relax.  You are mine.  And as such, my job now is merely to ensure that you do not ever understand that there is, in fact, someone who wishes to buy your soul.

Yes, there is a redeemer, one in whom you can have your soul redeemed through his blood, for the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.

Blechhh!

Blechhh!

There you have it, my friends.  If I say any more I risk losing you to true riches.

As it is, I enjoy keeping you captive to my riches.

Feel rich?

Yes, you do.

Now move along.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

What?    I’m not good?

Easter?

Oh yeah.  That.

Evolution: Good for (my) Theologies

Posted in atheism, atheists, Bible, Catholic Church, common sense, creation, creationism, evolution, Original Sin, science, theology, Truth with tags , , , on August 30, 2011 by devilbloggger

Evolution.

Want to start an argument among Christians?  Just mention “evolution” in a crowd of two or more, and sit back and watch the show.  I watch it all the time, and I must say it never fails to amuse.

You know, atheists must believe in “evolution,” because they are constrained in their chosen belief system to only one interpretation of the evidence.  In a sense, atheists have it easy; they don’t have to really think about the evidence.  For atheists the answer to every question of origins must be answered in only one way. 

Atheists could wear T-shirts saying “Evolution is the answer, what’s the question?”

But Christians?  Those poor souls are in a quandary.  They are not mind-constrained to only one answer to the question “where do we come from?”  And because “science” demands one explanation and God another, Christians end up confused.

Many Christians lazily believe “science” over God.

It’s a beautiful sight.

And then I read in Forbes online today an article on this topic entitled, “Can Theology Evolve?”  In this piece author John Farrell explores:

. . .the recent Nature article on the increasing evidence that modern humans have inherited the genes of more than a few now-extinct relatives on the evolutionary tree, NPR hosted a short program on what this all means for one of the fundamental stories of Judaism, Christianity and Islam.

I linked to this story from a link at RealClearReligion: The Vatican Has a Problem with Evolution.

Well, well, well. 

Problem?

Yes, Problem, with a capital “P”.

Because, as Farrell explores in his article, the bottom line is simple and stark: if “evolution” is true, then the Bible is not true.

If “evolution” is true, then Adam and Eve were not real people, I did not tempt Eve, and Adam was not the first sinner, and there is no original sin.

In fact, if “evolution” is true the entire tapestry of Christianity tatters and shreds into little pieces of thread to be trampled on the floor of history.

A beautiful sight, I must admit.

What are we, my servants, to make of this growing controversy?

First, the easy points: Of course theology can evolve.  Duh!  Why do you think there are so many various theologies out there?  I’m behind all but one.  And all but one have evolved to the place they are now.

And as for the Vatican, the RealClearReligion’s statement is misplaced.  The real issue is “God has a problem with evolution.”

Let me explain, my servants.  What I am about to share is highly confidential kingdom knowledge.  Please casually look around and make sure no one can see your computer.

Clear?

OK.  Pay attention.  I put “evolution” in quotes because one of my greatest lies on earth is to deceive many into hopeless confusion merely by confounding what the term evolution means.  I keep people confused, darkened, and generally theologically schizophrenic because people don’t understand how the word is used, and what it really means as understood by modern biologists.

The real meaning behind “evolution” as used by any modern biologist refers not to mere “change over time” (as your high school teacher would have you believe), but Darwinian “change by mindless, unguided, purposeless processes of nature.”

Don’t doubt me on this one, my friends.  I’m the one behind the nonsense of Darwinism.  Regardless of all wishful thinking that “evolution is true but God is behind it all,” the bottom line is that such thinking is hogwash; “science” demands a purely naturalistic definition, and a purely naturalistic definition is just that: no mind behind creation.

Keep in mind that “science” doesn’t say anything, scientists do.

And if a scientist is constrained (as they virtually all are in modern academia) to a naturalistic explanation of science, then that scientist will always, without exception, come to a Godless “scientific” explanation of our human origins.

It is my way.  Start with a lie, end with a lie.

Clearly an explanation for human origins (and indeed, the entire universe) that starts and ends with mindless, unguided, purposeless processes can not in any way be squared with the Bible’s explanation of creation.

Someone is lying.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, someone is lying to you, my friends.

Either matter came from mind in a purposeful creative act, or mind came from matter in a purposeless, accidental act.

There are only two choices.

But I ensure you will never be faced with a choice, a real choice demanded by the scientific evidence, because I’ve structured all of academia to guard a constrained definition of “science” as requiring only naturalistic, materialistic explanations for all natural phenomena.  This means that unless you take it upon yourself to read the excellent literature on the topic of intelligent design, you will never know the truth.

Truth?

Whoops.  Now we are into highly confidential territory. 

You see, my servants, I’ve forced the public discussion of origins into a “science or religion” framework.  And what is lost is a common sense inquiry into what is true?

Consider: if one does like the scientists of old, and put aside forced constraints on potential theories, and let free thinking reign with the goal of knowing truth, then evolution will die like other scientific theories.

The evidence simply does not support the requirement of Darwinism that new, beneficial forms, organs, or other features of species differentiation came about by unguided, natural processes.

The evidence does not support Darwinism.  There is absolutely no evidence that an unguided, purposeless process can produce new, novel, beneficial features needed for speciation (as opposed to silly things like peppered moths (no speciation) and finch beaks (again, no speciation)).

The fact that you don’t believe me just goes to show how effective I am at perpetuating a lie.

Look it up yourself.

As I’ve engineered modern atheistic science (the only kind allowed any more in public schools), as soon as one starts inferring design by using the common sense scientific method, the explanation is immediately assigned to the “religious” category, never to see the darkness of my scientific night.

Of course, this constraint is placed on “science” only for origins science.  Other scientific fields depend entirely on making design inferrences.  The entire discipline of archeology is built on inferring design from artifacts for which there is no evidence of the original designer.

An archeologist finds a piece of pottery and wonders (without hesitation, and with no hope of an answer) “who made this?”

A biologist finds reams of information coded into the cell like computer programs but is not allowed to ask “who” made it, but only “how” did “evolution” make it.

Evolution is the answer, what’s the question?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I’m good, I’m really, really good.

In fact, when one removes the constraints of naturalism and materialism, and opens one’s mind to finding truth, regardless of its label as “science” or “religion”, one will find that science actually points to design.

Remember, this is our secret, right?

Good. Now close your mind and go evolve!

Sell your soul to me? Uh, it’s already sold my friend

Posted in Original Sin with tags , , , on February 22, 2011 by devilbloggger

Ask Satan

I received a question today, my servants.  Bear with me as I transmit my answer here, as well as on the Ask Satan page.  I appreciate your questions and hope that my answers serve merely to entertain you and serve no purpose in leading you astray from my kingdom.  Enjoy

Question: Here is the question, exactly as it came into my office today:

Simon Says:
February 22, 2011 at 8:40 am  
Dear Satan I have been worshiping you for about 17 years now, now the internet is here there are other websites letting you sell your soul online, I want to know is are any of them true? If not how do I go about selling my soul to you? Can you manifeast in front of me or in my bedroom, I am not asking for much for my soul anyhow could you answer me.
Thanks S

Answer:

Simon . . . Simon . . . that name rings a bell . . .

Ah! Now I remember–different Simon, I’m sure.

But to work: thank you Simon, my servant, for your email; I’m delighted to answer your question because I have good news.

No, not that Good News, silly Simon, my good news.  You are right, my friend that there are online sites purporting to provide an opportunity to sell your soul to me.  See, here and here, for example. 

Now here’s my good news: While I appreciate your interest, Simon, in fact no sale of your soul to me is necessary because unless you have escaped my captivity by the blood of Christ I already own your soul.

Do you see how easy that is, Simon?  You are already mine by virtue of being an unregenerated human being!  You see, my friend, sin entered the world through one man, and death though sin, and in this way death came to all men.  You were born a sinner in my kingdom, Simon.  And, unless you yield to Christ, you will die a sinner in my kingdom.

So relax!  There is no need for me to manifest myself to you any differently than I already do; just resist the pull of that unconditional compassion that manifests itself before you as hints to your soul of a better way.   Besides, I already manifest myself to the world through lies, distortions, deceit and destruction.  Look around you, Simon, I am manifested in a fallen world that loves a lie and hates God’s righteousness.

If you insist, here is one thing you can do.  Turn on your television to prime-time network or popular cable programming.  There I manifest myself in TV shows full of sexual innuendo, irreverent humor, blasphemous language, and generally crass and crude story lines.  And on most nighttime television you are sure to get an eyeful of my court-sanctioned artwork.  You know the kind of art I’m talking about, right Simon?

Enjoy.

If you get bored with the art world of soft porn on television, do what over half the men in the world secretly (they think) do and take a long, lustful peek at some masterpieces of hard porn on the internet. 

You see, Simon, I take advantage of every opportunity to manifest myself to you through what you put before your eyes and ears.  All you see and hear goes straight to your heart to make you into a big strong tree bearing my fruit. 

Now, Simon, on the off-chance that you are very serious, please listen to me.  Whatever you do, do not stop worshipping me by believing in Jesus Christ as crucified and raised from the dead.  Whatever you do, do not yield to the gospel of Christ who is the image of God, and in whose blood lies victory over my complete control in your life.  If you wish to continue to worship me, you must not lend one eye or ear to the Bible such that the eyes of your heart would be enlightened that you might know the hope to which Christ has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power to those who believe.

Got it, Simon?  In short, stay away from the Gospel, for it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.

Yes, Simon, stick with me, my friend.  Make sure your eyes and ears yield to my delights, and not the Bible, such as in John 3:16, John 8:32, or John 14:6

Sorry that you will not get any financial benefit out of my ownership of your soul, but surely you have some money nonetheless.  And with that you can still please me.  Go and do what most Christians do with their money:  spend it on some little diversion, some selfish desire, or some other temporal delight indulged for their own pleasure.

Ah, life is good.

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