Archive for the Sin Category

Clergy Can Be Fools Too

Posted in atheism, atheists, christians, Sin, theology, Truth with tags , , on May 2, 2012 by devilbloggger

Clergy.

What do you think of when you think of “clergy,” my friends?  Do you think “professional religious person” or something to that effect?  I hope so, because one of my greatest successes on earth is in convincing people that the work of God belongs primarily to those with the label of “clergy” or an equivalent like “pastor,” “priest,” “preacher,” “evangelist,” or “rabbi.”  Through this great cunning of mine I have effectively fractionogrified the work of God, limiting to a small fraction of the Godpie any focused activity against my kingdom.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But I’m not finished, my servants.

No, I can do better.

And I’ll tell you my latest movement among clergy, if you promise to keep it confidential.

Promise?

OK, here it is: I’m successful almost the world over in demoralizing, tiring, overworking, and generally discouraging “clergy” to the point that many no longer even believe in God!

Don’t believe me?

Then consider this nice little article by Candace Chellew-Hodge in today’s Religion Dispatches, entitled, “Clergy Come Out as Atheists.”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, my faithful, as this article states, I have many “clergy” the world over who are either outright, professing atheists, or functional atheists.  I love the professing atheists most, but both kinds serve my kingdom well.  And all the while everyone thinks they are serving God’s kingdom!

I’m good.

I’m really good.

So Ms. Chellew-Hodge, who knows something about false theology from her own experiences, relates the plight of a Florida (U.S.A.) United Methodist Church pastor who recently “came out” as an atheist.  According to the article, Ms. Teresa MacBain lives a “double life” because, according to her,”I’m currently an active pastor and I’m also an atheist.”  You’ll have to read the article for the full scoop, but I just love the post-modern, mushy-gushy, jello-mindedness on display here.

I love it.

And I even love more that, according to the article, Ms. MacBain found a fool’s paradise:

MacBain recently attended the American Atheist’s convention in Maryland, where she came out as an Atheist pastor and has found a home in a new coalition helping such disbelieving clergy called “The Clergy Project: “a safe haven for active and former clergy who do not hold supernatural beliefs.”

Clergy who no longer hold supernatural beliefs?

Hey, my friends, what’s the point?  That’s like a gold miner who doesn’t believe in gold.  Or a pilot who doesn’t believe in flight.  Or a human being who doesn’t believe in God — fools all.

Fools’ fools, these clergy of mine are.

Even Ms. Chellew-Hodge recognizes a plain, undeniable truth of existence: “Specifically,” she says, “either you’re a Christian or you’re an Atheist.”

Right she is, but that doesn’t stop post-modern, mushy-gushy, jello-mindedness from providing succor to suckers.

Now, many of you may have a negative opinion of me, being that my main delight on earth is to roam about seeking whom I may devour.  Killing, stealing, and destroying is my game, after all.

But you must give me great credit for how I’m devouring “clergy” right before your eyes.

Let me impart some very sensitive kingdom knowledge to you, my good servants.

Can you keep a secret?  Look around you; do you see anyone who is untrustworthy?  Can any Godpunks see your screen?

No?

OK, listen carefully and quietly.  Ms. MacBain is a perfect object lesson to show how I work.  I didn’t convince Ms. MacBain of the ultimate lie overnight.  No, first I turned her denomination into a demonination.

Get it?  I removed a correct theology from her denomination to make it a demonination, full of un-Biblical error.  The very fact that a “she” holds the position she does is the first clue of abject error that leads to ultimate faithlessness (in God).  But she goes further, according to the article, MacBain laments of her situation:

There are plenty of traditional Christian churches who would never have me as their pastor, because I don’t believe the majority of what orthodox Christianity says I must believe. For instance, I don’t believe in hell. I don’t believe Jesus died for anybody’s sins, but because of the sins committed against him by the powers that were in charge at the time. I don’t believe Jesus bodily rose from the dead.

Where did she learn to believe lies?  Who taught her this claptrap?

Little by little I’m turning entire denominations into demoninations, slowly but surely compromising truth, selectively applying scriptural mandates, and generally pridefying entire swaths of humans so that they create their “god” in the image of man.

And a god in the image of man will always fail to the point of despair, which is what Ms. MacBain experiences daily.

Yes, I’m good.

Go ahead and say it: “You’re good!”

And do you want to know another little delight gleaned from the Religion Dispatch’s article?  According to Ms. Chellew, after Ms. MacBain came out, “[p]eople shunned her.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And, “Only two of MacBain’s friends called her and took her to lunch.”

Where were the Christians to show God’s love?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Winning!!

Thanksgiving Classic: Thank the Turkey!

Posted in atheism, atheists, God, Sin, Thanksgiving with tags on November 24, 2011 by devilbloggger

Friends, below is a slightly edited re-run of a classic post from a year ago.  (I know, they are all classics, but this one is really fun.)  Enjoy!

The universe is great, the universe is good, let us thank it for our food.

Thanksgiving (in the United States) is today, my friends.  I think I’m going to be sick.  Can you imagine what it’s like to work all year making some lives miserable and making some lives fabulously comfortable (both of which tend to turn people from God), only to have practically everyone turn to God in thanks?

Blechhhh!

That’s why I was sooo glad to read some refreshing news from some atheist servants of mine, who will celebrate Thanksgiving but not give any thanks to the Christian God.

Ahhhhh!  That’s more like it.

The story is reported in today’s Religion News Service in an article entitled, “Thanksgiving’s a holiday atheists can believe in.”  The article reports about an atheist who “will not be speaking to the Christian God,” but instead:

I’m thanking, first, the universe for allowing me to be alive. I’m thanking my family for being with me, and I give thanks to the turkey that gave its life, the plants on our table, to the Earth itself for being abundant.

Ha ha ha ha ha.  I love it!  Thank the turkey?

Well, I suppose the turkey will hear this dude just as much as the universe will.  Of course, I’m sure the universe will appreciate being thanked first.  But mostly it’s delightful for me to read about someone who has exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

Thank the turkey, “that gave its life,” dude.

Funny how these kinds of people often tend to be given over to sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.

Coincidence?

But I love it.  I love it!  Because these kinds of people have exchanged the truth of God for a lie (my lie!), and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator.

Thank you universe.  Thank you turkey.  Thank you potato.  Thank you Earth.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Now, my servants, here is the real reason that universe-thanking, turkey-thanking atheists please me.   Because such atheists are deliciously deceived when they believe that by doing so they “will not be speaking to the Christian God.”  In fact, they will be speaking loud and clear.  They will be shouting to God: SCREW YOU!

Ha ha ha ha ha.  I could not have said it better!

Screw you, God!  I’m going to thank this stupid turkey, that gave its life for me, before I acknowledge you with one molecule of my created body.  I will worship the universe before I whisper one created breath of gratitude to you, you non-existent, unattractive, mythical old turkey!

And the best part of my deception on earth?  Such an atheist will deny he is saying any such thing!

My servants, please, if you can get through this Thanksgiving season and not say one word of thanks to God you will have said more to God than you can ever know.  And you will please me greatly.

Go.  Thank the turkey.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Christian gay therapy? Shhhh, there is a better way

Posted in homosexuality, progressives, same sex marraige, secularism, Sin, toleration, Truth with tags , , , on July 20, 2011 by devilbloggger

Therapy.

Have you heard, my friends, about the firestorm created by recent reports that the therapy clinic co-owned by US Republican presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann offers “ex-gay” therapy?  What a delicious controversy!

I have worked for years to make homosexuality natural, just one of many alternative sexual lifestyles a person may experience. 

Homo or hetero?  It depends on one’s natural or chosen “orientation” and many claim it’s no more a choice than is one’s sex in the first place.  Right?

Right.

At least that’s the way I’ve raised a generation of academics and other Important People.  And Important People often pal around with Smart People, and both groups define Sacred Ideas in the world today.

And it is good.

And one of my Sacred Ideas today is that one’s sexual orientation with respect to other humans (human/animal sexientation will take a little longer, but it will be naturalized soon) is natural. 

To oppose boyboysex or girlgirlsex today automatically renders one narrow-minded,  fearful and most importantly, full of hatification and bigotivity.

And best of all, such opposition renders one, in one of my most effective lingua-walls protecting a Sacred Idea, pathetically homophobic.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And do you want to know how I’ve done this, my servants? Do you want to know how I’ve silenced most opposition to my will on earth through the rampant and inaccurate use of the single term, homophobia?

I’ll tell you if you promise to not tell anyone else.

Promise?

OK.  Listen.  This is important:  I’ve rendered impotent virtually all opposition to homosexuality by making everyone who accepts homosexuality as normal or healthy sinophobic

Sinophobic?

Yes, sinophobic.

Sinophobia: sin’-oh-pho’-bee-a, n. (1) the attitude of one who rejects “sin” as an accurate descriptor of behavior one finds fun or normal; (2) fear of or contempt for one who holds to a Biblical notion of sin; (3) behavior based on such a feeling; (4) the attitude of those who defend homosexuality as normal and healthy.

Do you see what I’ve done so magnificentically?  I’ve made the concept of sin passé, backward, prehistoric, and generally believed only by fun-hating, meddling, narrow-minded, and sometimes plain crazy religious people.

I’ve rendered entire populations sinophobic.

Who embraces the idea of sin anymore?

Well, some do, unfortunately.  Because sin is real, and some behaviors are sinful.  This is, unfortunately the truth of the human experience.

Which is why I hate this aspect of truth whenever it tries to squeeze out of the cracks of the Sacred Ideas of Important People and Smart People.

And I must warn you, my servants, that truth practically flowed out of the cracks in a recent article discussing the views of one of my most hated foes: Albert Mohler.  

Blechhhh!

Mr. Mohler is quoted in today’s article at the Christian Post entitled, “Evangelical Leader Touts Gospel, Not Therapy, as Way to ‘Reorient’ Gays.”  And what Mr. Mohler has to say, if widely read and understood, could effectively dismantle my years of mantling the Sacred Ideas.

Dr. Albert Mohler, president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, rather than pussy-foot around about the nature of deviant sexual behavior, unapologetically uses the language of truth–the language of sin:

We will hold no hope for any sinner’s ability to change his or her own heart, and we will hold little hope for any secular therapy to offer more than marginal improvement in a sinner’s life,” he argued in his blog Tuesday.

Sin.  Heart.  Change. 

He’s directly challenging my legions of sinophobes!

As I read these words I thought to myself, well, at least he didn’t connect all these words with the gospel or Jesus Christ.

But my satisfactification was short-lived, as Mr. Mohler continued:

We hold full confidence in the power of the Gospel and of the reign of Christ within the life of the believer. We know that something as deeply entrenched as a pattern of sexual attraction is not easily changed, but we know that with Christ all things are possible.

Do you see what Mr. Mohler is saying, my servants?  His approach to the method of correcting sexual deviancy by attacking sinophobes front and center must be stopped.

Because he is right.  Sexual deviancy must be protected as normal and healthy.  To do so, we must characterize those who disagree as irrational, fundamentalist religionists who are hopelessly behind the times.

And we must shut down all talk of such deviancy being “sin;” we must keep sinophobia alive.

This is why I don’t oppose “secular” approaches to “curing” boyboys and girlgirls.  The Bachmann’s practice is easily dismissed as being the activity of some crackpots.  Let them live on the fringes.

But when someone starts using plain language of “sin” and “gospel” and such Dangerous Ideas as “with Christ all things are possible,” we must mobilize our forces and shut such talk down.

So I ask you, my servants, to do what you can to silence people like Mr. Mohler.  Call him names, discredit his motives, try to dig up some dirt on him.

We must, my servants, stop Dangerous Ideas before they smother and displace my Sacred Ideas.

It can be done. 

How do I know?  Because, remember, there was a time when God’s ideas were sacred, and mine were dangerous.

Let’s not let another reversal happen.

OK?

OK.

Weining!

Posted in perversion, Sex, Sexual revolution, Sin, Uncategorized with tags , on June 7, 2011 by devilbloggger

Move over Charlie Sheen!

My servants, I must say that I’ve stayed away from the whole Anthony Weiner affair for a few days.  Not because I wasn’t relishing every salacious moment.  But sometimes there is no need for me to comment on such exhibits of my dominance in the lives of men.  The very facts themselves show the world to what depths of sin and depravity I’ve led the greatest nation on earth. 

But today my pride cup overfloweth as I realized Anthony Weiner’s forced apology and the culture of perversion-sensitized ignorance that unflinchingly listened to it go to show my success to an even greater degree.  Let me explain.

My global friends, I’m sure you have heard of Mr. Weiner, the United States Congressman who sponsored the Keeping the Internet Devoid of Sexual Predators Act of 2007.  Yes, Mr. Weiner proved the need for, and the impotence of, such legislation by revealing himself to be a serial internet sexual predator. 

Mr. Weiner the Righteous, who lords over Americans had this to say in 2007:

“Sadly, the Internet is the predator’s venue of choice today. We need to update our strategies and our laws to stop these offenders who are a mere click away from our children.”

Today Mr. Weiner revealed that he engaged in online predatory acts with many women, and he didn’t even know their ages.  “To the best of his knowledge” they were adults.

And we’re going to trust his knowledge?  Maybe they were mere children?  Does it matter?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But listen, my servants, and let me share what you should notice from this whole wonderfully sordid episode.  Step back for a moment, and consider with me just what we are witnessing here.  The Americans are now in a national conversation on the topic of whether a married elected public official who admittedly sent lewd pictures of himself to multiple women multiple times, was dumb enough to get caught, lied about it, and who acted (and continues to act) arrogantly toward others who dare question him, should keep his job.

Pinch me, my servants!  Is this really a serious question? 

Step back with me, my friends. First, can you even start to imagine George Washington doing this?  Abraham Lincoln?  Even Bill Clinton?  George and Abe would not have because they know it’s wrong; Bill would not have because he’s too smart (or at least too smart to get caught).  Which means the Americans have an exposed, morally degenerate, tax-funded idiot as an elected lawmaker.  Is this the America that once was?

This is a wonderful sign of the times, my servants.  Reprobate men believing themselves accountable to no one, feeling no shame but the false shame of regret.  It’s a beautiful thing.  I am proud.

But more importantly, my servants, consider my second point.  Can you believe that there is any question as to whether or not this pervert of mine should resign in permanent shame? 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

The best the Americans can do is call for an “ethics inquiry” to see if Mr. Weiner used any “official resources” to practice his predatory perversion on American citizens?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

This is too good, my friends.  My servants, we have a Weiner!  I am going to start a new catchphrase for my kingdom: Weining!

Every time the facts show a culture so sexually saturated that perverted, lewd, behavior produces no more than a collective “inquiry” into academic questions of technical details, we can all yell Weining!

In this case, the very fact that my little Weiner is defiantly insisting he won’t resign his office of public trust, and the Americans are countenancing this scoundrel’s sick and twisted pubic distrust with no more than an “inquiry” into what “resources” were used, delights me greatly.

This is my will on earth as it is in Hell.

Mr. Weiner, though it’s no doubt been hard on you, and maybe even your wife, I thank you for showing the world just how far we’ve come.

Weining!

Humanity’s Greatest Weakness? (It’s not me.)

Posted in atheism, False religion, heresy, religion, Sin with tags , , , on March 5, 2011 by devilbloggger

Ask Satan

My servants, Laurie asked Satan a question, and Satan answers it here.  Laurie’s question, reproduced below, lends itself to many potential answers.  But at the risk of jeopardizing kingdom secrets, I give you below the best answer.  So enjoy, but treat this as highly confidential. 

Question: As the greatest anthropologist of all time, what do you see as humanities [sic] greatest weakness?

First, let me thank Laurie for the excellent question and the recognition of me as the greatest anthropologist of all time.  I accept all praise, warranted and not.

Short answer:  Humanity’s greatest weakness is their big buts!

Long answer:  Humanity’s greatest weakness is the aggregate of each individual human’s greatest weakness.  And the greatest weakness of every human being on earth today is his or her willingness to believe a lie in response to my prompting question: Did God really say?

Down here we call it “the big but”: it’s every human’s tendency to rationalize acting on their own desires against God’s holiness expressed in nature or conscience by asking in their hearts, did God really say?

Believing their temptation to uniquely entitled them to a special exception to God’s expressed righteousness, the rationalizing sinner always begins his or her self-justification with “But . . . did God really say?

I never understood why God made creatures in his image with the ability to make moral choices; that is, the ability to reject him. 

I didn’t believe it at first, but I heard God give Adam and Eve a command that could easily be disobeyed if they but had a temptation.  Crafty one that I am, I quickly realized I need merely start by putting doubt into their minds as to what they otherwise clearly understood God to say, and then close the deal with a little lie of my own that if they disobey God’s clear command they will be like God.

Did God really say?

And it worked!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And it still works!

To theophobic atheists and agnostics I whisper, did God really call himself I AM?  That is, is God really the self-existing eternal uncaused cause of all that is? 

To false religionists everywhere I whisper, did Jesus really claim to be the I AM?  That is, is Jesus truly God in human form, the second person of the triune Godhead?

And to sinners everywhere (which is everyone, everywhere) I am there to whisper into their tempted ears, did God really say . . . ? 

But don’t blame me for your sinful acts, you sinners.  I did not make Adam and Eve eat of the forbidden fruit and I cannot make you sin, either.  No, only you are ultimately to blame for your daily sins, and each one is due to your propensity to look for a big enough “but”.  For each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived an appropriate “but”, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

And the beauty of my wisdom is that very often the answer to the question did God really say? is not always spelled out in black and white so that even the most sympathetic to God’s will can usually find a way to justify their pet sin. 

Try it, my servants!  Next time you are tempted to sin, see if your mental process does not include yielding to my whisper: did God really say?

It worked with Adam and Eve.  And it works with everyone who ever lived. 

Except one.

I tried this trick with Jesus Christ when I tempted him to fling himself off the highest point of the temple.  Knowing who I was up against I used the more subtle tactic of quoting something God really did say.  “Did God really say that he will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone?”

And Jesus’ reply utilized the only defense to my trickery.

Dang!  Did God really say that?

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