Archive for the voting Category

Terrible News Tuesday

Posted in Obama, voting with tags , on March 21, 2011 by devilbloggger

UPDATE: Pardieu, mes serviteurs.  In the blog post below my informants confused Iowa with Wisconsin.  Iowa is mainly known for growing corn, not cheese production.  Wisconsin is the home to proud cheese-heads.  My apologies.  Enjoy.



I’m worried here, my servants.  You need to help me out.  My friend President Obama isn’t faring so well these days, and I’m concerned that he won’t serve me a second term.  I know many of you think I have supernatural powers to make events happen, but I don’t.  All I can do is hope for change.  For the rest  I need you to do my will on earth.  Now is the time.

You see, my servants, I read today in an AP article entitled “Growing Evangelical Clout Shaping Debate” that in the United States the clout of social and religious conservatives is growing in politically crucial Iowa.  Blechhh!

For my global, non-US servants, Iowa is a state in the United States that is known for virtually nothing but cheese.  But because the first Republican caucus for the upcoming presidential election is in Iowa everyone who wants to be America’s next big cheese panders to Iowans first.

And something is beginning to stink.

In fact, I’m issuing a Level 2 devilbloggger Alert for today’s threatening news.  A Level 2 Alert is issued for a credible threat to the long-term stability of my kingdom, a threat for which I must ask all my faithful to sacrifice some time and energy to counteract. 

Yes, we can.

According to the AP article, these stinkin’ Christians are meddling in politics big time.  Norm Pawlewski, a lobbyist for the Iowa Faith and Freedom Coalition, says of social conservatives (code word for stinkin’, meddlin’, Bible-thumpin’, Christians):

“They’ve gotten more involved in the party.  I’ve seen a change in the kind of people who are volunteering — and not only volunteering but working.”

Working?  Yikes!

You see, my servants, the reason for my alarm?  It’s one thing for Christians to whine about a corrupt and Godless society.  It’s one thing for Christians to moan and groan about a president who displays actions consistent with my will.  It’s one thing for Christians to apathetically withdraw into their “holy huddles” and keep quiet. 

But it’s entirely another thing for Christians to start working for change.

I suppose I miscalculated my man Obama.  I knew he would seek to enact legislation, forcefully back policies, and shamelessly pander to constituencies in ways that please me.  But I didn’t quite expect Americans to notice and react the way they are.  Steve Sheffler, president of the above-mentioned Faith-in God-and-Jesus-only and Freedom-except-to-do-what-you-want Coalition-of-like-narrow-minded-meddlers said “part of the energy surging through social and religious conservatives comes from antipathy to the Obama administration.”

Say it ain’t so!  I had such great hope for change!

My servants, if we want to keep Son Obama in office four more years, each of you must get out and counteract any resurgence of Godly family values, traditional morals, healthy lifestyles, secure commitments, and every other detestable cultural barrier to my kingdom on earth. 

Like I said, many of you think I have some magical, supernatural powers to do my work on earth.  But I don’t.  I can only work through the minds of those taken captive by my vain philosophies and haughty pretenses against all things Godly. 

And you are my captives.  As long as you don’t do anything to help those Iowans push their social agenda, you do my will.  As long as you do not get out and work for issues held dear by the Conservative Right, you please me.  And as long as you don’t vote for a candidate to replace my Servant Son Obama, then I say “well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Now go and do bad for my kingdom.

Starting in Iowa.


Things Fall Apart: How American Voters Gave Up on Democrats (for now)

Posted in abortion, atheists, christians, election, homosexuality, liberals, marriage, Obama, political correctness, politics, same sex marraige, voting with tags , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by devilbloggger

American Democrats have religion too!

Why don’t religious people flock to the Democrat Party in the United States?  This question seems to befuddle American political operatives, to the point where they silly themselves all over the internet.  The latest spill of DemoSillyThink comes from the pages of The New Republic, in a piece by Tiffany Stanley entitled, “Things fall apart, how the Democrats gave up on religious voters.”

Ha ha ha ha ha. 

Now, my servants, I did not use the term “Democrat;” that is Stanley’s.  I prefer to look at the world through more general categories of (1) those who take God and his word seriously; and, (2) those who don’t.  In Hell we refer to these as (1) those we hate; and, (2) those we love, respectively.

Of course, it is true, as Tiffany sees but does not understand, that Democrats in the United States almost to a person please me by choosing to populate my Category 2.

And Tiffany’s article is subtitled “How the Democrats gave up on religious voters”?

Ha ha ha ha ha .

Try “How religious voters saw right through godless Democrat religotalk.”

Tiffany details the history of the Democrat’s exercises in “faith outreach” to reach “religious people.”  Barack Obama, of course, was the “shining hope for the religious left,” one who was not afraid of the “language of faith,” and “a liberal who gave the impression that his religiosity was heartfelt, genuine, and important to his politics.”

News bulletin to all the Tiffany’s of the world.  The “religious left” was, and is, already speaking their “language of faith” loud and clear, it’s just a different faith.  You only confuse people when you try to “give the impression” of genuine religiosity to those I hate in Category 1.

You see, they see you.  They see your words in action, as Rush Limbaugh observes today.  It’s hard to improve on Rush, but I’ll try:  We see you delighting in snubbing Christmas at every chance, and apologizing at every other.  We see you promoting the killing of babies, both born and unborn.  We see you trying to gut the military, marriages, and churches, turning them over to a homosexual political agenda.  We see you openly supporting a mosque at Ground Zero.  We see you trying to get rid of organizations rooted in God, like the Boy Scouts.  We see religious people mocked by your “shining hope” as religious clingers.  And at every turn we see you trying to replace God with government, which is to say, you.

Not true! We believe in God!  We believe in God!

Blah blah blah. 

So do I!

Tiffany even quotes sociologist Rebecca Sager, who with no understanding whatsoever blurts:

“Ninety percent of people believe in some sort of God. It’s mind-boggling why you would cede those voters to the Republican Party.”

Tiffany, Rebecca,  listen:  Category 2 is full of believers in God (mostly the “some sort” kind).  Stated belief in God is not the basis for my categories, and it’s not the way the American public categorizes. 

And that’s why the American Left will never win with American religious people.  Because in the land of the free and the home of the brave a huge majority still takes God and his word seriously, putting them squarely in Category 1.

I know, my servants, I know.  I am trying to change that as fast as I can.  But having Democrats like Barack Obama go around pretending like they are Christians does not help.  Like using a light to hide darkness, “giving the impression of faith” only highlights the liberal’s true faith.

My advice to liberals: Stop acting like Christians that you are not.  Both your base and your opponents resent such duplicity.  Your best bet, and I have centuries of experience in this area, is to stop the platitudes and cop the attitudes of your true self: a self that desires to make God in its own image, and lord it over others to make them in your likeness.

Remember, I am Liberal One.

Admit it. Live it.

Declaring dependence one person at a time

Posted in election, Obama, voting with tags , , , , on October 27, 2010 by devilbloggger

NOTE:  It’s less than one week until the BIG election in the United States.  My voter issue guide will publish October 31.  Trick or treat, you decide.

Is it hot down here?  Or is it just me?  I mean, it’s like one of my sweatshops down here; we in Hell have been working overtime to ensure that certain candidates win in the upcoming elections in the United States.  My will on earth can be accomplished best where my servants rule most.  And this election we’ve had to work triple overtime; it’s been a long time since so many of my faithful have been underdogs.

Listen, my servants, you must realize that every time two candidates are running for office one of them will always be my pick.  He or she may not be perfect, and he or she usually leaves a lot for me to desire, but one candidate will always be more prone to think thoughts I like, more likely to do deeds I love, more willing to push legislation that furthers my purposes, and more open to generally doing my will on earth as it is in Hell.

Look for clues, like that witch O’Donnell, who credits prayer for boosting her campaign.  It’s hard even for me to tell sometimes, but I’m pretty sure she is not who I would vote for.  She doesn’t even believe that the words “separation of church and state” are written in the US Constitution’s First Amendment.  What a loser.  And I did get her to back down on her stand on creation by stating for the record “what I believe is irrelevant.”  (Psst. . . she doesn’t believe evolution explains your existence).  But, as I show below, what one believes about the creator is relevant; very much so.

So inform yourself, and be sure to vote for my candidates.  I’ve come way too far in the United States to start losing ground now.  Make sure that there is plenty of separation between church and state (at least the bad, God-believing kind of church; Satan-approved churches are OK).

About this creator business, and how it relates to US politics.  Do you know how long it took me to find anyone who would admit to believing that rights derive from the state, and not from a creator?  And do I not deserve some credit for finding not just anyone, but a president, who believes this?  In the United States of America? 

Whoa!  I’m good.

Over the years I’ve carefully groomed a generation of students to be statists–those who believe sovereignty is vested not in the people but in the national state, and that all individuals and associations exist only to enhance the power, the prestige, and the well-being of the state.

And the pinnacle of my achievement to date, more than I could ever ask or think, is the statist of statists, Barack Obama.  A man after my own heart; he can’t even bring himself to say the word “creator” unless it is conspicuously politically expedient.

Obama is Modern America.  Modern America, thanks to me, has forgotten the creator and looks to government to endow rights, in a slowly unfolding declaration of dependence. And with no thought about a creator, there can be no thought in Modern America about the unalienable rights that form an integral component of independence, as in the Declaration of Independence.  No creator = no unalienable rights.

Do any Americans even know what an unalienable right is? 

Well, I declare!  Ha ha ha ha ha.  I’m good.  I am GOOD!

Voter Issue Guide on the way

Posted in election, voting with tags , on October 20, 2010 by devilbloggger

Remember, my United States servants, you have just as much right to vote in two weeks as anyone else.  On October 31 I will show you how.  BOO!

Don’t let me down. 

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

%d bloggers like this: