Archive for the world missions Category

My China Syndrome

Posted in atheists, christians, world missions with tags , on April 26, 2011 by devilbloggger


What’s with those Chinese Christians, my servants?  They are a bunch of law breakers, apparently.  I thought Christians were supposed to obey authorities.  But those Chinese Christians seem bent on being spiritual scoflaws.

It’s all here, my servants, in a Baptist Press article with a thrilling title: “China places 500 under house arrest, blocks Easter service.”

Oh, why couldn’t it have been 5000?  or 50,000?  Well, 500 is a good start.

You see, I’ve rigged the system in China so that churches must register with the government, and those that don’t are considered illegal.  It’s my way of slowing the gospel message and making life miserable for believers.

The problem is that the more I try to hinder the gospel the faster it spreads!  Those darn illegal house churches keep popping up in China like fruit trees in a weed-filled, neglected garden.  (Who is planting the seeds??)

Even my ice-cold Chinese authorities can’t keep up with the red-hot devotion of Chinese Christians.  According to the Baptist Press article, Chinese Christians just don’t listen:

Church members say they are being obedient to Christ. Some have lost their jobs and even been evicted from their homes because of their stance, with the government pressuring employees and landlords.

With that kind of devotion I may have to go to plan B.   Do you know what plan B is?  I’ll tell you if you promise not to leak my secret ways.


OK, here it is.  If my harsh persecution fails to stunt the growth of the Chinese church I will switch to comfortable blessing.  I will let the Chinese flourish for a time in peace, and then wait for the peace to bring in complacency and dullness.  Soon the Chinese Christians will be like the Europeans and Americans saying “I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.”

And they, too, will turn lukewarm. 

Even God spits out the lukewarm.

Ha ha ha ha ha.


Christians: if you can’t join ’em, don’t beat ’em!

Posted in christians, missionaries, politics, Uncategorized, world missions with tags , on December 13, 2010 by devilbloggger

Somebody stop China.

I’ve known something was up in China for decades now.  In all my years vigorously trying to stop the spread of the gospel worldwide, I’ve enjoyed some of my best successes in China.  Of course, I’m not minimizing my efforts in Europe and the United States where I let the Christians freely go to church each week preaching to one another, rarely within earshot of any of my captives.  No need to beat them, I’ve already beat them!

But China!  What is going on in China?  I had my hands full in 1865 with that Hudson Taylor dude, but I slammed that door shut in the 1950s, with the last of Taylor’s troublemakers leaving in 1953.   Things were quiet for a while, but in the last ten years or so we in Hell have been called more and more into the heavenlies over China battling in intense warfare to keep the souls of our deceived.  Before long I began to realize that maybe it was I who was once again outwitted–I may have let my zeal for persecution lead to a flourishing of God’s church.

When will I learn?  Persecution is a tricky thing, my servants.  Many times trouble or persecution comes because of God’s word, and so-called “believers” quickly fall away.  If they don’t fall away immediately, I bring on the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth, which works to neutralize most Christians, rendering them entirely unfruitful.

But sometimes, and I never really know until it’s too late, persecution works to scatter Christians abroad in a passion for the gospel that takes generations to stamp out.  And I’m afraid that might have happened in China.

Years ago I tasked a special demon detachment to infiltrate deeply into the Chinese culture, looking for any evidence of missionaries, any trace of church buildings, or any trappings of the modern Western church, like rummage sales, youth jamborees, television evangelists, big new buildings with padded pews, large parking lots, and fancy sound equipment. 


Nothing? I screeched.  Then where is all the prayer traffic coming from?

I sent the detachment back in, house to house this time.  And then we found it. 

House Churches.

Those Chinese were taking God seriously, risking their lives, and the lives of their families by meeting privately in small groups to worship and pray. 

What to do?  What to do?  We knew from history that the best way for any country to stop such Christians was to embrace them.  Welcome them, open up society to them.  Maybe even make Christianity a state religion!

I know, my servants, I know!  It sounds crazy, but you must trust me on this one.  I saw it work in Rome under Constantine.  Look at Europe today!  Look at the United States!  They are neither hot nor cold, but perfectly, deliciously lukewarm!

But China, my servants, failed to follow my advice.  And for this I’m issuing a Level 3 devilbloggger Alert.  A Level 3 Alert is issued for clear and present dangers to my kingdom, dangers for which I wish my servants to mobilize on my behalf. 

Why the Level 3 Alert?  Because, as reported Friday on the Religion News Blog, the Chinese government recently launched a major crackdown on house churches.  According to this article, the Chinese Communist Party launched on December 1st “Operation Deterrence,” an operation scheduled to continue into 2011. 

Now I fully agree with reasons the Chinese government gave for their efforts to persecute, bully, and blacklist Christians:

The Politburo directive gave four reasons for labeling the house churches a “cult.” ChinaAid said the reasons were that house churches advocate and promote the Christianization of China; they seek the unity of all churches in China; they promote the unity of the Chinese church with churches worldwide and they want to have dialogue with the government.

Yes, Christianization of China would be a terrible thing.  I realize, as reported, that:

The growth of Christianity in China, overwhelmingly in the house churches, has been so startling in recent years that even secular observers and the mainstream international media are predicting China could soon become the world’s largest Christian nation.

The numbers are staggering–anywhere from 40 million to 130 million Christians in China.  But China, please, my friends.  Have a little mercy on me! 

My servants, please do what you can to let Chinese government officials know that, while their purposes are noble, their methods will backfire.  They shouldn’t beat them, they should beat them. 

 That is, they shouldn’t beat them as in physically pummel them; they should beat them as in win!

And the way to win this game, my servants, is to embrace them with open arms. 

Because often Christians don’t seem to know the difference between my open arms, and God’s.

An urgent call to inaction

Posted in missionaries, prayer, Uncategorized, world missions with tags , on October 17, 2010 by devilbloggger

My servants, I don’t like prayer, at least not prayer to you-know-who.  A believer’s prayer to you-know-who can tear my kingdom to pieces.

I know many of you are weak, and find yourself praying from time to time.  But if ever there was a time to not pray, please do not pray now, and please do not pray for an event that has the potential to do great and lasting damage to my kingdom.

The event in question is one that has kept me up nights for weeks now.  At first I was going to ignore it as just another ineffective feel-good get-together of busybody Christians.  But the prayer volume began in great earnest some days ago, and based on that alone I realized that this will be no ordinary week for me and mine.

I’m speaking, with some trepidation, and only for the purpose of aligning my faithful to inaction, of the Third International Congress on World Evangelization in Lausanne that kicked off today in Cape Town, South Africa, and ends on October 25th.

This weekend and the next few days will be unusually hectic for me as we scramble to neutralize any efforts of a large band of enemy combatants–over 4,000 leaders from more than 200 countries who intend to confront the critical issues of our time – other world faiths, poverty, HIV/AIDS, persecution, among others – as they relate to the future of the Church and world evangelization.

Critical issues is right!  Everything on their list is an issue I love and embrace and wish to see continued unabated.  So, my servants, we must not aid the enemy in his efforts.

The prayer event is explained in this article at Mission News Network, entitled,  “World changers to meet in Cape Town to talk strategy.” 

Now ordinarily, “world changers” are on my side, and I am excited to help them.  But these “world changers” are not on my side, and I’m excited to oppose them.  According to this article, this conference is:

. . . a picture of the body of Christ, united in making His name central. That’s a driving force behind Cape Town 2010, the Third Lausanne Congress on World Evangelization. It’s a ten-day gathering that begins October 16.

 The body of Christ!  On earth?

This is dangerous to my kingdom, my servants.  What you need to know is that in past meetings major ministry directions, like the 10/40 Window, got defined.  And that insight of Christ’s body alone caused anguish and gnashing of teeth down here as previously unreached captives began to be set free.

My servants, setting captives free is exactly what I oppose with all my might.  Please help me here by remembering to NOT pray for this gathering.  If you are weak, and find yourself praying some mealy-mouth prayer out of habit, at least do not mention this conference or any of the people involved.

Here is a specific non-prayer request:  I’ve already been successful in blocking a delegation from one of the most troublesome hot spots of the gospel: China.  An article entitled, “Chinese Christians blocked from world evangelization conference” quotes Bob Fu, the China analyst for Voice of the Martyrs USA and the founder of China Aid Association:

At least 21 Lausanne delegates in Beijing were prevented from going.  Most of them, among the 200, were all blocked from either the airport or even in their homes, under house arrest.”

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Blocked!  By me!  (Why don’t I ever get credit in print?)

But there is no rest for the wicked!  Fu is calling for action:

Fu also urges believers to “pray for their family members, and pray that they will stand firm on the Gospel and without compromising their faith.”

So, my servants, I call for inaction.  We must counter prayers with non-prayers and negative, hateful thoughts.  You do your part, and I will do mine.

And my will be done in Cape Town as it is in Hell.

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