Quotable Satan

Below, my servants, are select quotes for your enjoyment.  You will find quotes under the following headings:

God

Christians Atheists

Marriage

Divorce Abortion

Truth

Christmas Thanksgiving
(U.S.) Constitution Politics

Political Correctness

Conservatives

Liberals

President Obama

Global Warming Evidence

Creation/Evolution

Homosexuality Non-Christian Religions

 

 Enjoy!

ON GOD/THEOLOGY

Most people are surprised to learn that I know God pretty well.  Like most of you, I hate him; unlike most of you, I know him. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/07/gays-kissin-and-dissin-whats-missin/)

You see, there is one way to get theology right, and about a gajillion ways to get theology wrong to one degree or another.  (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/10/22/gene-robinson-and-personal-theologies/)

Unless you are diligent and wise, your theology is very likely to please not only yourself, but me as well, making both of our daily lives easier. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/10/22/gene-robinson-and-personal-theologies/)

Quick question for all: If you say nothing about God, have you really said nothing about God? (http://wp.me/p14HPl-49)

In fact, human beings can’t not believe in God.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-A0)

Now, my servants, here is kingdom knowledge:  there is no paradox.  A proper understanding of God and history leads one to a proper understanding of the human condition.  Thanks to me (you’re welcome!), humans are born hating God.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-ze)

I will now reveal to you how you can unmistakably identify a theologian in my service: such theologians never correctly handle the word of truth.  If fact, they rarely even try to cite the Bible to support their positions or their reasons for winking at sexual sin.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-yP)

You see, when one removes the Bible from the discussion one can legitimately place any “reform”on the table.  When God’s desires are disregarded, the case for priestly harems rests just as soundly as the case for gay priests, gay couples, women clergy, and every other “reform” these theosexologians are seeking. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-yP)

I don’t care if people say they believe in God as long as they don’t take God seriously.  Because people who don’t take God seriously inevitably and involuntarily end up taking me seriously. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-wp)

God is beyond being ignored in the world today.  He is, like me, believed mythical, but unlike me, God is openly mocked, cursed, belittled,  and generally laughed at in a denial of any of his earthly glory. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-ue)

Trust me again on this one, my servants.  Mr. Loughner [Tuscon, Arizona killer] was taught since he was an unaborted baby by public authorities that there is no God.  He was taught that human beings are merely another form of animal, and all living things were “created” by natural selection, a process in which organisms that can kill competitors survive, with no thought of purpose.  He was taught that ethics are situational, morals are relative, and authority is illegitimate.  How do I know this?  Because he was raised in a culture that has rejected God in society, and in public schools cleansed of all God-thoughts so that they teach practical atheism. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-te)

I have engineered society so that little chillen’s grow up in a world that teaches them publicly that they are accidents of nature, religion is bad, God does not exist, and the government is their only salvation.  Don’t believe me?  Try to imagine a public school teaching the opposite of anything I just listed.  Can’t do it, can you? (http://wp.me/p14HPl-te)

I’ve found in the recent years that women clergy are predominantly liberal, and are my good servants.  This is not to say all—it is merely a rule of thumb that helps us down here to sort out whom to oppose.  (http://wp.me/s14HPl-1731)

In general, women of faith are to be feared.  They quietly and fiercely embrace the living God and are often the spiritual leaders of their families.  But when women take on positions of authority in an organized religious context they overwhelmingly tend to spout error and heresy.  They often take on nonsensical labels, like “Christian Agnostic.”  The tendency of modern denominations to hand over authority to women and heretics is a fact that generally works to my favor. (http://wp.me/s14HPl-1731)

ON CHRISTIANS/CHRISTIANITY

If [confessing Jesus Christ as Lord] was all someone did, I would hardly lift a finger.  I may even ensure his or her comfort in life, maybe a little deceitfulness of riches to stunt her spiritual growth a bit.   Simply confess Jesus Christ as Lord?  The world is full of people who do that, and nothing more.  The United States if full of them–self-righteous, easy-believing, church-going confessors.  (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/07/gays-kissin-and-dissin-whats-missin/)

But overall I love the mere confessors, because virtually all of them are lukewarm, just the way I like it. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/07/gays-kissin-and-dissin-whats-missin/)

Of all the religions on earth, there is one I hate. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/05/obamas-picture-is-worth-a-thousand-words/)

My will is done best when cloaked in religous garb. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/10/26/jesus-seminar-jesus-who/)

My dark abyss is half full of self-identified Christians.  It seems that in the United States today the definition of what a Christian is is so muddled that virtually anyone can be one just by “believing in God.”  … Hey, that means I’m a Christian also.  I believe in God. I can even quote the Bible.  And I have many Christian friends.  I’ve even been to many a prayer breakfast. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-yC)

Almost everywhere Christians have turned in on themselves, falling prey to my “religion must be private” lie, hoping only to live peacefully and silently in a world that increasingly rejects Christianity’s exclusive truth claims. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-wU)

I finally succeeded in getting a critical mass of atheists, liberal Christians, evolutionists and God-haters (often all in one person) to suppress the truth in a culture that loves a lie.  Christians have been shamed, ridiculed, and generally overwhelmed into silence. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-wU)

Among Christians silence is music to my ears.  Because silence is the sound of the truth of the gospel suppressed. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-wU)

Even though I’ve neutered huge swaths of the Episcopalian church to the point where it moves God’s kingdom needle not a whit, those joy boys (and girls) can still ring my love bells. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-wp)

Make no mistake, my friends, when sex with animals becomes socially acceptable and culturally demanded, the Episcopalians will be in the front of the line to ordain an openly zoosexual priest.  Why not? (http://wp.me/p14HPl-wp)

 ON ATHIESTS

Atheists disappoint me. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/14/man-up-so-called-athiests/)

I know you new atheists.  And I know that you are not really atheists.  You are theists just like me.  But just like me, you hate God. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/14/man-up-so-called-athiests/)

[I]t is an amazing thing to witness staunch atheists become cringing creationists one millisecond after they permanently leave the life of free will and enter my eternal kingdom of irredeemable theists.  (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/08/evolution-debate-un-naturally-selected-to-die-in-louisiana/)

Like art students who paint only ugly pictures of your teacher, you continuously use your creative gifts to mock God in creative ways. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/03/center-for-limited-inquiry-offends-me/)

What [Christopher] Hitch[ens] really hates is not religion but God.  So do I. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/28/hitchens-is-really-an-asatanist-but-that-works/)

Hitchens, and those like him, is not really an atheist.  He is actually an asatanist.  That is, he has failed to comprehend me and my existence. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/28/hitchens-is-really-an-asatanist-but-that-works/)

Instead of atheism it is better described as asatanism, which induces in its mindspace a good dose of theophobicity.  Hitchens, like most so-called “new atheists,” therefore, is actually an asatanist and a mere theophobe. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/28/hitchens-is-really-an-asatanist-but-that-works/)

That’s one reason why atheism doesn’t make any sense– who what you gonna thank? (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/26/introducing-thankstaking-day/)

All atheists can believe in is a senseless, purposeless cosmos that never had them in mind, and cares not a twat for them.  Something from nothing for no reason with no purpose and no meaning.  Your atheism itself, my atheist servants, is merely a delusion, a nonbelief in a nonentity (you!) (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/26/introducing-thankstaking-day/)

Now, my servants, here is the real reason that universe-thanking, turkey-thanking atheists please me.   Because such atheists are deliciously deceived when they believe that by doing so they “will not be speaking to the Christian God.”  In fact, they will be speaking loud and clear.  They will be shouting to God SCREW YOU! (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/22/this-thanksgiving-thank-the-turkey/)

I think today’s atheists are “free thinkers” like prison inmates are “free walkers.”  They are free to walk about in their little closed mindcells all they want. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/14/man-up-so-called-athiests/)

First of all, no one believes you [atheists].  You know why not?  Because GOD EXISTS you nitwits! (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/14/man-up-so-called-athiests/)

Have you read [athiests’] blogs?  They are filled with junior-high humor (ooooh, that was a good one, Nefairyous!), potty-mouthed rants mocking Christians, ad hominem attacks on creationists, and overall small-minded insecure outbursts of inanity against anything moral or Godly.  Even I tire of their little circle smirks. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-A0)

Believing themselves avant-garde over cowardly atheists (who are fools), misotheists merely remain on a different path to destruction (and are also fools). (http://wp.me/p14HPl-ze)

Atheists must believe by faith that at some time in the past matter appeared spontaneously from nothing.  Atheists just don’t know their required belief, because, of course, they are fools. … That’s why I’m not an atheist.  I know better.  But I do appreciate the atheists I keep captive on earth; they are useful idiots to my kingdom village, particularly when it comes to keeping alive the “clash” between science and religion. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-yb)

My prisons are chock full of dull men staring out through bars, each one imagining they are on the outside looking insightfully in at pitifully less-enlightened dullards inside.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-su)

 ON ABORTION

Killing, stealing, AND destroying.  Three in one.  That trifecta defines abortion for me.  I love it. https://devilbloggger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=101&action=edit)

It seems that sometimes [the good Dr. Gosnell] just couldn’t get the little boogers killed inside Mommy, so he had to finish the doctoring after it was no longer part of Mommy.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-uK)

Note to abortion-providing, licensed medical professionals: strangle the li’l rascals inside Mommy. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-uK)

My servants, when Reagan established Sanctity of Other People’s Morals Sunday, only 15 million babies had been legally killed (inside Mommy, not out).  Now, the number is over 50 million legally killed (most inside Mommy). … Just be glad there are no more Reagans around. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-uK)

 Do you know what you call a fetus in a white bag?  A woman’s choice to go.  (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/20/shock-really-its-just-a-bunch-of-fetuses-for-devils-sake/)

Imagine if we talked about removing a woman’s appendix as “killing” it.  Can you think of anything more absurd?  Well, speaking of a fetus as a “person” is just as absurd, and I really wish all hand wringing around this topic would stop. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/20/shock-really-its-just-a-bunch-of-fetuses-for-devils-sake/)

So what if Obama is the most pro-abortion president ever.  In the United States it’s a Constitutional right.  It’s like accusing Obama of being the most pro-free speech president ever.  Well, maybe not that one, but so what anyway?  (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/12/one-palin-two-palin-three-palin-four/)

On the issue of abortion, or any other of my culture-destroying initiatives, you must resist the impulse to defend or make excuses.  When you do you are immediately acknowledging that there is something wrong with abortion, something that must be defended over and above its legal status. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/12/one-palin-two-palin-three-palin-four/)

And stop going around saying stupid things like, “I think abortion should be safe, legal and rare.” (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/12/one-palin-two-palin-three-palin-four/)

Huh? Why rare?  Do you think free speech should be rare?  Do you think that a right to trial by jury should be rare?  Do you think that any of the other clear Constitutional rights should be rare? (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/12/one-palin-two-palin-three-palin-four/)

Whenever you react defensively, apologetically, or reluctantly [on the issue of abortion], you admit there is more than a constitutional law at issue; there is also a moral law written on your heart.  And you must ignore that moral law. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/12/one-palin-two-palin-three-palin-four/)

Abortion.  That treasured Constitutionally enshrined (in the United States) freedom and right of almost every woman (at least every woman able to defend herself), is once again under attack. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/10/24/573/)

But just because abortion is chiseled into the Constitution, and it’s legal in every state, and it’s taught in every public school, and it’s every woman’s right (as well as her sorry partner’s), and it’s (almost) every woman’s choice, and state officials eagerly ensure  little girls can do it without their mother’s knowledge, doesn’t mean you can show it on TV! (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/10/24/573/)

What if we went around graphically showing the illegal kind of murder, complete with pictures of deliberate dismemberment and the bloody aftermath.  Huh, Missy? (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/10/24/573/)

For years I’ve been able to convince people that abortion was merely a “procedure.”  And the political issue was about “choice”.  I’ve convinced people that women big enough to say so could shout “hands off my body!”  And women too small to say so?  Well, believe it or not, I convinced an entire planet of people that they don’t count.  They are either an “inconvenience,” an “intruder,” a “lifeless blob,” maybe a “product of conception,” and perhaps even a “potential human being.”  And as long as no one could see the lifeless blob’s eyes, or hold the intruder’s hand, or see the potential human being’s very potential severed limbs (placed back in close proximity on a table to resemble the original “thing” to make sure the doctor “got it all”), these euphemisms enabled easy “choices.” (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/10/24/573/)

After all, it was I who influenced the choice of language to my advantage by framing the life or death issue as one of “choice” and fostered the creation and naming of organizations with nice names like Planned Parenthood, which should be called Un-planned Un-parenthood. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-iy)

Snip, crush, slice.  Ha ha ha ha ha.  It is the sound of another life killed, innocence stolen, and most of the time, a second life destroyed.  How can it get any better for me?  Sometimes I sit back, feet to the fire, and pinch myself. https://devilbloggger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=101&action=edit)

 By the way, do you know why abortion is still legal in the United States?  Because while Republicans and a lot of Christians voice loud public disapproval, they slink on in privately when it’s their daughters in trouble.  (https://devilbloggger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=101&action=edit)

You see, my servants, despite all the surveys showing America is turning “pro-life,” the culture of “baby-as-disposable-property-because-it’s-not-really-a-baby-because-it’s-legal” is very much ingrained in the American psyche.  How can I tell?  I see all those self-righteous conservatives, Republicans and so-called Christians who are mighty glad Doctor Snippet is around when it’s their daughter “in trouble.”  Or their mistress in distress.  Or a second mouth threatening a second income.  Or . . .  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-zF)

And, unfortunately, common sense and conscience prevailed post-1857 and the Americans eventually came around to realizing that black people are people too, and after fighting a bloody war they amended their Constitution to reflect the citizenship of all persons, regardless of race, creed, or previous condition of servitude, and, until 1973, size. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-zF)

And, of course, we don’t forget down here that in every case of abortion there is somewhere a cowardly already-born man, and usually some already-born parents and grandparents urging a scared young woman to exercise her clear constitutional rights. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-vr)

Sanctity of Human Life Sunday is the day that Godpunks and anti-Constitutionalists set aside to mourn, whine, and generally fuss among themselves because they are completely powerless to stop little scream number 50 million and one.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-vr)

Abortion?  It’s all about sex.  In most states of the United States if a gunman shoots a pregnant woman and kills the fetus, it’s murder.  If a negligent driver kills a fetus in an automobile accident, it’s negligent homicide.  But if a doctor kills a fetus as a form of birth control?  Hey, no problem, it’s just about sex. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-va)

Abortion is the bellweather, the canary in the coal mine, the top of the slippery slope of all things cultural and political that define my kingdom.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-uK)

ON TRUTH

[T]he good news is that everyone discovers truth nevertheless.  It’s just a matter of when. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/08/evolution-debate-un-naturally-selected-to-die-in-louisiana/)

Honest inquiry based on the clear evidence of creation alone leads people straight to God, and away from me.  (cite?)

Stubborn thing; truth is not changed by what anyone thinks about it. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-xc)

Morality by consensus will always be my morality; if not now, eventually. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-wp)

ON NON-CHRISTIAN RELIGIONS/CULTS/OTHER THAN ATHEISM

I don’t have any great beef with the Mormons, in fact I find their view of who Jesus is to be fascinatingly attractive.  I just wish their belief was true; maybe then I’d get a little familial respect out of Heaven.  Yo, bro! . . . Yeah, yo bro, where’s my birthday card? (https://devilbloggger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=343&action=edit)

And for the record, all you big, bad, bomb-strappin’ boys–we’re out of virgins down here. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-va)

Why don’t religious people flock to the Democrat Party in the United States?  This question seems to befuddle American political operatives, to the point where they silly themselves all over the internet.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-pg)

ON CREATION/EVOLUTION

The only clash between “religion” and “science” that matters boils down to the relationship between two words: existence and truth. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-yb)

Once scientists make truth the working goal, and are not boxed in by a dogma that says “science-can-only-consider-natural-causes-so-we-cannot- consider-God-despite-clear-evidence-of-design,” then the so-called clash will quickly devolve into a productive klatch. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-yb)

I’ve created “science” that is boxed in to one theory of existence: we are and can only be the product of undirected, purposeless processes of nature that never had us in mind. … And because of that, my servants, science will never arrive at the truth of our existence. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-yb)

Removing reason was the only way I could force (against the scientific method) Darwin’s (and my) truth claim that mindless, undirected natural processes, AKA evolution, made 10th grade accidents of nature that could question whether they were accidents of nature.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-xc)

You can’t have both reason and evolution.  The two are mutually exclusive if reason’s goal is truth and evolution means speciation by unguided, purposeless processes of nature (which it does in biology). (http://wp.me/p14HPl-xc)

Go find your own creation story if you don’t like mine or God’s. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-xc)

Even Google can’t fix a lie: try Googling “evidence for speciation” and see if you can find one example of natural selection naturally (not in a designed experiment or in a computer simulation) actually producing a new species.  Darwin used an imaginary example and his modern disciples carry on his tradition; there is no evidence, my lied-to friends. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-xc)

Church boy swears on a stack of Bibles that he does not take the Bible’s doctrine of special creation seriously, and, in fact, he is not a creationist and his “views on evolution are in line with other biological scientists,” which is to say, they are atheistic.   Yes, atheistic.  What else could they be and not be creationist? (http://wp.me/p14HPl-oT)

Do you see what havoc I’ve wreaked?  A university, that pinnacle of tolerance and open mindedness, closes its mind to intolerantly reject the best qualified candidate, causing the Christian to vehemently deny he believes the Bible to be true. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-oT)

Think of my brilliance this way: Darwin himself could not get a job at the University of Kentucky!  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-oT)

ON CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS

I won again!  Christ out of Christmas because some dufus might be offended. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/04/no-christmas-tree-no-christmas-tree-sing-along/)

I have turned the most inclusive act anyone could do into an act of perceived exclusion and offense. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/04/no-christmas-tree-no-christmas-tree-sing-along/)

I couldn’t take Christ out of that first Christmas, but I’ve almost taken him out of modern Christmases, at least in the United States. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/01/holiday-is-in-the-air/)

ON MARRIAGE

One of my greatest deceptions is for young married couples to think it is only they who have a rocky road early in marriage. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/18/marriage-and-me-a-match-made-in-hell/)

I have successfully engineered a sexualized culture and fostered societal norms that have made a mockery of marriage. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/18/marriage-and-me-a-match-made-in-hell/)

Like magic, my servants, I’m making another of God’s precious gifts to humanity disappear: marriage. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-xF)

I have succeeded in engineering social policy that encourages unwed mothers, teen pregnancy, and deadbeat dads.  I do this through a combination of fostering cultural rejection of all things remotely Judeo-Christian, including marriage, and acceptance of all things otherwise sexually inclined. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-xF)

And on top of even that, every little chillen under government supervision is guaranteed to never hear an alternative based on their being a special creation of a God who created them for a very different, but healthy and fulfilling sexual lifestyle. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-xF)

Children are taught safe sex as schools fret over rising teen pregnancies, but no one–not parents, not teachers, not administrators–can even hint at abstinence without being ridiculed.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-xF)

No, most likely Ms. Ross was romping and rolling in bed with an unmarried casual partner, doing in front of America’s children what she would be horrified to do in front of her own.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-sU )

ON DIVORCE

Divorce is my will on earth as it is in Heaven.  I encourage it.  I make it easy.  I love it. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/18/marriage-and-me-a-match-made-in-hell/)

Technology only makes easier what a man’s heart is inclined to do. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/18/marriage-and-me-a-match-made-in-hell/)

If only you could see who I see at night with their computer screens turned just so. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/18/marriage-and-me-a-match-made-in-hell/)

Divorce?  As Kreeft recognizes, suppose that some other social norm resulted in the scientifically provable pathologies associated with divorce.  (Note to the naive: divorce is destroying Western culture). (http://wp.me/p14HPl-va)

ON HOMOSEXUALITY

I must stop people like Ms. Reverend who tacitly admit that scripture does not support my behaviors and practices. (http://wp.me/s14HPl-1731)

Just say the Bible is pro-homosexuality, throw out a few random verses, talk about the love of God, and sternly warn about judging others.  Do this with a sincere look on your face and you will convince a few, confuse many, and you can go home victorious. (http://wp.me/s14HPl-1731)

I’d like to see the facts that indicate homosexuality is natural.  I could use those kinds of facts.  I’ve been pushing people down this path by peddling lies for decades.  You mean there are facts?  That homosexuality is natural?  Those must be some facts.  That’s like saying celibacy is natural; if it was natural it would not be natural for long! (https://devilbloggger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=343&action=edit)

The dirty little secret (shhhh) is that if there is no God, then there is nothing that is unnatural.  Every behavior, no matter how perverse and repulsive, and regardless of anyone’s objection, is natural by definition.  What else could it be? (https://devilbloggger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=343&action=edit)

 ON THE CONSTITUTION

The Constitution is hard to understand, and it was written, like, thousands of years ago or something. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/12/one-palin-two-palin-three-palin-four/)

I work my havoc in the United States through the courts, by getting judges (sometimes just one) to rule for my kingdom in ways that the people would never consent to. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/04/trouble-in-iowa-where/)

All anyone who wishes to gain legal sanction for behaviours I love need do is frame their perversion as a Constitutional right. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/04/trouble-in-iowa-where/)

Until then, we must keep culture-changing, value-setting, community-dividing, relationship-destroying decisions in my hands, er . . ., in the hands of judges. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/04/trouble-in-iowa-where/)

I want a society where there is no shame attached to deviant sexual activity of all varieties.  And how best to do this, than to force everyone into unquestioned acceptance of a harmful lifestyle, under the guise of Constitutional rights?

 ON POLITICS

Therefore, my law of politics is as follows:  The effectiveness of a politician in thwarting my kingdom goals is directly proportional to the politician’s expressed belief in God. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/10/31/satans-2010-u-s-voter-issue-guide/)

There is a corollary to my law: The effectiveness against my kingdom by elected officials who state a belief in God is directly proportional to their tendency to take God seriously. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/10/31/satans-2010-u-s-voter-issue-guide/)

Remember, I can SELECT, but only you can ELECT. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/02/election-day-in-the-u-s/)

Many think “under God” in the [United States’] Pledge of Allegiance is merely innocuous, benign, feel-good, foo-foo language, and to a large degree it is.  But it has a great symbolic value for one simple, but profound reason: everyone is “under” someone.  And if you are not under God, guess who you will be under? (https://devilbloggger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1018&action=edit)

Regardless of the Pledge, I have already largely removed God from the hearts of public school students around the world, and especially in the United States. (https://devilbloggger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1018&action=edit)

ON LIBERALS

In the United States a progressive is anyone who’s worldview is not built on a firm belief in a creator God who is interested in the world, interacts with it, and will hold people responsible for their actions. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/10/progressives-defined-easily/)

Often [liberals] will say they believe in a God, but when pressed it becomes clear that it is not the God of the Bible, but some other God made in man’s image in whom they believe. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/10/progressives-defined-easily/)

I am a liberal’s liberal.  (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/10/progressives-defined-easily/)

I am Liberal One.  (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/10/progressives-defined-easily/)

Remember, I am Liberal One. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-pg)

My advice to liberals: Stop acting like Christians that you are not.  Both your base and your opponents resent such duplicity.  Your best bet, and I have centuries of experience in this area, is to stop the platitudes and cop the attitudes of your true self: a self that desires to make God in its own image, and lord it over others to make them in your likeness. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-pg)

The “religious left” was, and is, already speaking their “language of faith” loud and clear, it’s just a different faith.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-pg)

I might make Virginia my second home!  After all, any place that votes on whether a matter is sinful or not will always eventually be home to me. (http://wp.me/p14HPl-wp)

 ON CONSERVATIVES

I don’t like Rush Limbaugh. Have you noticed he’s been talking a lot about God lately?  In a positive way?  (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/26/introducing-thankstaking-day/)

But speaking of Sarah Palin, can I tell you something?  Just between us?  I don’t like that woman.  She’s trouble.  Quite frankly, she worries me.  I can’t understand why everyone doesn’t have the same opinion of her as that towering intellect Cher, who said of Palin, “Oh, f_ck, this is the end. Because a dumb woman is a dumb woman.” (https://devilbloggger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=798&action=edit)

ON THANKSGIVING

 So for my more bold servants, those who laugh at the futility of atheism, for those like me who embrace full-throated, fearless God-hatred, or even mere God-indifference, I offer you an alternative to Thanksgiving Day: Thankstaking Day.  My servants, I formally declare the fourth Friday in November as Thankstaking Day, a day in which my servants who wish to not thank God can nevertheless thank someone: me!  (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/26/introducing-thankstaking-day/)

ON EVIDENCE/SCIENCE

Evidence?  You want evidence for me?  Look around you, you dolts! (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/03/center-for-limited-inquiry-offends-me/)

Yes, my servants, you don’t need any more evidence to believe in me.  You need courage.  You need a backbone to admit that you have plenty of evidence for God, but you love me more.  You wish to serve the created rather than the creator. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/03/center-for-limited-inquiry-offends-me/)

Of course certain religions are incompatible [with science]  if one defines science my way, i.e., in a way that excludes any explanation from which one might infer God exists. (https://devilbloggger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=397&action=edit)

It’s OK to say theistic religion X is not compatible with atheistic science (of course Jerry and my other servants will say it’s not atheistic, but naturalistic. Ha ha ha ha ha).  But please, please, remember me when you make your points.  And be sure to point out that many of my favorite religions are not only compatible, but rely on “science” today. (https://devilbloggger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=397&action=edit)

 ON POLITICAL CORRECTNESS

God’s choices offend important people.  My choices offend only unimportant people. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/02/an-apple-a-day-keeps-the-christians-away/)

I love messing with the Americans.  Not even Europe has such hang ups around calling Christmas Christmas! (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/01/holiday-is-in-the-air/)

I keep winning and winning.  Great diversity. Symbols and Words.  Ha ha ha ha ha.  That means “anything goes except Christ; he just goes away”! (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/01/holiday-is-in-the-air/)

Tolerance works only one way in America–my way. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/01/holiday-is-in-the-air/)

I’ve caused Americans to completely lose their mind, and gain mine! (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/30/ten-commandments-or-bozo-the-clown-whats-hangin/)

And no one can speak the truth in this matter [of sexual purity] without being labeled a religiously motivated prude.  My victory continues.  (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/26/introducing-thankstaking-day/)

We laugh down here every time some self-righteous intolerant, yet politically correct, bigot claims, and gets, the high ground in the popular consciousness. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/26/introducing-thankstaking-day/

George Washington, for all my non-American servants, was the first president of the United States.  And he was one dangerous dude.  He believed in God.  I mean really believed in God.  And he mixed God and Government all the time. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/24/satans-thanksgiving-day-proclamation/)

A “secular inclusive environment”?  You know what that is?  It’s not a non-religious environment; it’s an atheistic environment!  . . . And “inclusive“?   Of course, except of course of anything not atheistic.  You see, I have finally found a people willing to use the word “inclusive” when what they mean is “exclusive.” (https://devilbloggger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=257&action=edit)

Yes, my servants, we must be intolerant toward any tolerance toward Christianity, because, in today’s world “religious freedom” means freedom to shut God out of the public square, to keep Christians from talking anywhere, and to generally be antagonist toward all things Godly.  (http://wp.me/p14HPl-vO)

ON GLOBAL WARMING

But I do have a part to play in the global warming debate: my goal is to influence as many people as I can to exchange the truth of God for a lie, and worship and serve created things rather than the creator.  And the global warming debate is the perfect vehicle to bring out the best of my servants who treat the earth as a god, and nature his garments. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/11/24/i-get-no-respect/)

[E]veryone in Heaven and Hell is a creationist.  Including me.  What else could I be? .  (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/08/evolution-debate-un-naturally-selected-to-die-in-louisiana/)

 ON OBAMA

Obama, like me, is extremely uncomfortable with the Christian God.  And I like that.( http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/12/07/u-s-motto-vs-obamas-mojo/)

And the pinnacle of my achievement to date, more than I could ever ask or think, is the statist of statists, Barack Obama.  A man after my own heart; he can’t even bring himself to say the word “creator” unless it is conspicuously politically expedient. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/10/27/declaring-dependence-one-person-at-a-time/)

Obama is Modern America.  Modern America, thanks to me, has forgotten the creator and looks to government to endow rights, in a slowly unfolding declaration of dependence. (http://bloggingsatan.com/2010/10/27/declaring-dependence-one-person-at-a-time/)

Did you know that US President Obama and I share the same taste in music? (http://wp.me/p14HPl-6R)

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45 Responses to “Quotable Satan”

  1. Hey, Satan…I have a question (btw, am enjoying your blog). I can’t find this info anywhere in your blog so would like a clarification. There is creatonism that = literal interpretation of scripture, i.e. God created all as it is now, that the earth/world is approx. 6000 yrs old, etc., etc. (I’m sure, in your eternal-ness, you know about this version). There is also the creationism that = the belief that God created all that exists, period, and doesn’t go the route of the former definition. Which are you referring to in your blog posts? thank you / M

  2. You are correct in calling celibacy “unnatural”. It is, in fact, “supernatural”. That’s why you hate it so and enjoyed leading astray so many who have vowed it “for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven”.

    I am really enjoying your blog! (I almost choked when I said that).

    -Theo

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  4. Merlin the Exorcist Says:

    Arresting people over trivial things like, drugs, compliments,sexual intercourse, mindless murders of innocent infants is something the government should apologize for and repent before God about calling on Jesus name so they dont go to hell for judging men who complimented womens breasts,cleavage and rearends.

    • You are right homie.

  5. Jesus Martinez Says:

    Belial and the fallen evil angels called devils wanted people to put the government first and God last. That is being a statist and not a anarchist. They told everyone to misuse the bible verse, make a man an offender for a word. Laying a snare for him that reproves in the gate. That turn aside the just for a thing of nought Isaiah 29:21. This has been done since nineteen seventy six when the devils used six sinister female troublemakers to deceive the wicked and devilish government with a lie about saying your breasts and cleavage is beautiful today. There are devils of touchiness that tell women to be touchy about not only their bosoms and cleavage being complimented but also being whistled at. And they make them commit the iniquity of devils by using derogatory language by disrespectfully referring to whistling as so-called “sidewalk” “hassling”. Harassment is such a overused word. People who use a bible verse to criminalize even yelling, name calling, swearing and threatening someone will be tormented in hell by Belial and the devils for committing the iniquity of taking Isaiah 29:21 out of context. And God will send them there if they are impenitent.

  6. El Diablo Says:

    Have you ever wondered why Spanish people never talk about me and my homies on Spanish television? All they do is show those spics cleavage on the news. And they never talk about God and religion either. They may as well call it atheist television. Because that is what it is. Me and my demonic homies also love to make Christians pollute and destroy the woods in North America along with forests in Canada. We sank ships whether we made Christians commit the atrocity of having evil and violent wars to shed the blood of other Christians so they would go to hell in the afterworld because they listened to us to commit this iniquity. Note in the word iniquity are the word I quit. God quit on me sometime ago because I quit on him.

  7. Dave Zhao Says:

    Its too bad that the game Diablo for the PlayStation was so poorly scripted that they had to put in it three irreligious atheists who the townspeople had blind faith in to bring heaven to earth but none of them repented and turned from their evil ways. And if that is not bad enough to make matters worse they do not even mention Gods name in this game. And they show the Satanists pentagram in this game along with crosses being blasphemed as in being upside down while on fire and having skeletons on it. Even Yahweh’s Son did a better job of bringing salvation to the world than what the three of them did in this game.

  8. Dave Zhao Says:

    The one thing I hate about that blog about God is they talk too much about Him.

  9. Unlike that blog about Jesus. The one thing I like about here is I can speak my mind and my comment is not removed.

  10. Sergeant James Crowley Says:

    I am very sorry about the way I overreacted when you entered your home. I wish that I would not have hogtied you like a animal and caged you Henry. Sorry for the inconvenience I caused you today at your home.

  11. Miroslav Satan Says:

    I wish Satan’s name was not my last name. I am probably listening to him and the devils if I do not want to be friends with my friends. So that means I am living up to my name even when its neighbors I should have relationships with but I am busy listening to the devils of conceit and inhospitality by never allowing them into my home in our bad neighborhood where everyone is listening to the devils. Everyone listens to devils and commits a iniquity against God when they do not get acquainted to their neighbors and those in church every Sunday.

  12. Damon Snelling Says:

    My first name is German for demon. I wish my parents would not have called me a demon after I was born. Why must God always let Beelzebub and the devils roast us like chicken meat in a oven every hellish summer for? That is what happens when everyone is forced against their will to needlessly sweat every time imaginable even when they are inside their own homes. I am sorry that my name is Damon.

  13. Elian Gonzalez Says:

    I have sympathy for Henry Louis Gates. What a miscarriage of justice that Sergeant James Crowley listened to the devils and audaciously hogtied and caged him like a animal. I am sorry that he had to go through that and Mr. Crowley went unpunished afterward. He never answered for what he did. What a injustice.

  14. The damon Says:

    I love it that God Almighty lets me and all the devils in hell including Lucifer force everyone against their will to become wet from their own wet sweat every hellish summer and spring. I love it as do they that we can inflict the ailment of the cold on them during every hellish winter. He gave all earthlings who are corporeal beings no freedom of choice but to suffer with wet sweat and colds every year.

  15. The damon Says:

    The sexual hassling lie that is misconstrued as law is the devils victory against Christians.

  16. The damon Says:

    Sweating is evil. My master the Prince of Darkness wants you to suffer with wet sweat on your backs and bodies while God looks on apathetically and does nothing to stop that and your getting a illness every hellish winter called a cold which overproduces mucus from your noses that starts dripping like a leaky faucet. Why would God give people mucus membranes for if He knew we would use that against mortals to make them ill for?

  17. Amy Tucker Says:

    Why would someone think Gods Son needs a blog for?

  18. The Devil Says:

    Do the devils get wet from their own sweat in hell? No. Does Yahweh love watching peoples bodies get wet every hellish summer and spring? Yes He most certainly does. And He chooses to do nothing about it. Just like He does every winter. He lets millions of people come under demonic attack by getting a overflow of mucus from their nostrils along with sneezes and coughs. Its called a cold. I also afflicted someone with this illness from a bottle of iced coffee from a store they call a target as its name while it is hell in the summer.

  19. Bill Clinton Says:

    God loves it that He created smelling and becoming a wet and sweaty two year old child. He let the devils inflict upon me a bad smell under my arms to suffer with till the day I am dead. He must God force everyone to suffer with smelly hairy armpits for? What is the point anyway? Does Satan sweat and smell in hell? I don’t think so? Does God threaten people with hell and death? I don’t think so. Does the wicked and demonic governments and their police love to intimidate people with the threat of being imprisoned? Yes they do.

  20. Bill Clinton Says:

    My bad. I meant to say that He created me as a smelly human being who has to have permanently stinking armpits till the day I am dead.

  21. I love the demons so much I cant even send them to hell to be eternally damned and tormented already. But yet I keep sending Christians there instead to be both eternally damned and tormented. Its too bad that I designed dogs better than people. The dogs never need showers and baths because their hair is permanently clean. I should have designed people better than to listen to demons. There is always a judgement day for my own corporeal beings I created by never any for Lucifer and the demons. I must not be in a hurry to do anything to them.

  22. the indestructible Satan Says:

    God cant even forgive me or even destroy me because He does not have it in Him to do it. He cant even destroy my friends in hell already. Yet He keeps sending people down here unmercifully to be eternally tormented and damned for finite sins.

  23. The victim of wet sweat Says:

    Perspiration is evil. And body odor is evil. T.V. and the internet is evil inventions of the devils. Sweat and stinking, hairy armpits is what Lucifer and the devils afflict human beings with to victimize them because God wants it.

  24. The devil of sweat Says:

    I entered Adam made his life hell with wet sweat because God told me to do that. Also my evil friends who are devils entered Eve and took possession of her with Lucifer.

  25. Abaddon Says:

    I told the Tunisians, Moroccans and the Lebanese people to force ladies against their will to marry the menfolk who used sexual intercourse against them as a weapon. God told them in Deuteronomy to marry men who sexually forced themselves on them. Now me and my demonic homeboys are taking the bible out of context and brainwashing them into thinking that they need to marry their victimizers.

  26. Alex who survived the hellish summer without the devils afflicting him with wet sweat Says:

    I survived the hell that is summer without having wet sweat pouring off my back and body because of Gods love of devils that would victimize me with sweating.

  27. Alex who survived the hellish summer without the devils afflicting him with wet sweat Says:

    Pardon me. I meant to say that I did not needlessly suffer through a dozen hellish summers. I was able to take command of my body so that the devils could not control it by forcing me against my will to be the victim of suffering with wet sweat along with a stench under my arms and having hair that is always being over washed because of it never staying permanently clean. My hair was as clean as a dogs hair is. I took control of my body so that I did not have a bad odor and had hair that was so healthy that I never needed a bath three hundred and sixty five nights of the year.

  28. Hugh Marston Hefner Says:

    I am in hell because I loved Belial and the devils too much. Miriam Gonzalez breasts and face are beautiful.

  29. Hugh Marston Hefner Says:

    Sometimes I even thought about the ladies who were employed to work for me and while I was laying down on my bed my one eyed willy would become enlarged and standing up straight from sexual arousal. And from the last erection would result in semen getting blasted onto my stomach. And that was only after a got three erections before. It is called having a nocturnal emission of semen at night from a dream of becoming wet from my own semen.

  30. Adolph Hitler Says:

    I am in hell for sinning like a devil against God.

    • Your homeboy Tyrone Says:

      I bet that you are homey. You was bad to all those people. Serves you right. God is getting some big time payback on you.

  31. Our problem president Ronald Reagan Says:

    I am the problem in North America. It is not enough to speak of the wicked and devilish government being a problem. Guys like me are the problem when we have nothing better to do than to pass laws that make peoples lives a living hell.

  32. Tyra Banks Says:

    Should Christians be sweating, stinking and having hair that is permanently filthy all the time?

  33. Randy the savage beast Says:

    Why didn’t God want to make people that are all one religion, language and race instead of making dozens of them for?

  34. Lucifer Says:

    I forgot to tell everyone God gave me the boot and kicked me out of heaven because of my disobedience. That is why I have become such a angry and wicked devil ever since is because God wont forgive and let me back into heaven.

  35. Mikhail Gorbachev Says:

    The Devil formerly known as Lucifer does not have a lover who is female. Those devils are deceiving people into believing that lie. Should McCormick spices have the evil and blasphemous pentagrams under the plastic caps that are used to sprinkle those spices? I do not think so. Just as hubcaps on cars should not have the evil and blasphemous pentagrams on it either.

  36. The pantheist Says:

    Satan is a lot like Hulk Hogan. He conveniently misplaces pieces of his past. A good example is he never quoted what the book of Revelation says about what God is going to do to him. It mentions that the Devil will be cast into the lake of fire with the beast and the false prophet. That happens after he is loosed and allowed to deceive the nations.

  37. The occult hermit Lela who is a self-deceived fool called a psychic Says:

    I love to give people false hope that I am going to bring their lovers to them when I cannot get the job done. By the way necromancy is wicked and demonic. That is what talking to the dead is. It is really the demons that talk to them when there are psychics who claim that supposedly they can talk to dead people. That is evil in the eyes of God and that is a abomination. Those who dabble in the occult doing these things God consigns them to hell to be eternally tormented.

  38. Martin who commits the sin of being a pirate Says:

    Why cant people who are loners be actual loners? Why must loners live in the same neighborhoods together for if they are not even trying to make friends with the other loners anyway? Real loners are hermits who live in secluded houses. That is being a real loner.

  39. Betty McDuff Says:

    If people knew that this guy is a actor playing the part of Satan. Would they really be gullible enough to ask him questions like he is a human being on this computer right now? The Devil is not a human. He is a evil, fallen angel. Someone here probably is running the show. And most likely its not a imaginary devil. It is a real person who is pretending to be Satan. If they knew who he really was they might not come here to talk to him.

  40. The atheist Satan Says:

    Please God set me free from the demons of atheism that are keeping me bound in unbelief.

  41. Ethel Arkadin Says:

    Why do so many people say the hell with everything for?

  42. The devils evil internet that lies to people just like television Says:

    That is what I do when I deceive people with lies about Lucifer and Gods Son being bloggers. The devils are using me your computer you are using right now to lie to you and everyone around the world.

  43. Angelou Paxino Says:

    The demons love to make people physically suffer with bad endurance where they cannot run, walk and jog far distances without getting out of breath. They also tell children to victimize other children by doing poorly executed giant swings the wrong way on hard pavement during recess by grabbing their wrists instead of their legs and doing it without their permission.

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