Archive for atheists

Wait, Americans DID elect an atheist for president, didn’t they?

Posted in atheism, atheists, politics with tags , , on July 29, 2012 by devilbloggger

Polls.

Hey, my good servants and friends, did you hear the one about the lazy poll taker?  The one about the American pollster who boldly predicted what people “would” do based on what people “did” do?  No?  Well, it’s true.  This guys got a good gig going.  At least until he gets caught.  So, please, my servants, treat this post as private between you and me, and I’ll explain.

First, let me ask you a question.  You are all above average, so will all probably know this, but let me ask anyway: what’s the difference between someone who says he doesn’t believe in God, and someone who says he does, but acts like he doesn’t?

Hmmmm?

Yes, that’s rightNothing!

I see them every second of every day.  Scared, surprised faces of those who said one thing on earth and acted another thing.

I call them functional atheists, those pious souls on earth who went about saying “Lord, Lord” (and some even prophesy in his name, cast out devils (yikes!), and do many wonderful works), but didn’t do the Lord’s work.

Do you know what God calls them?

Fools!

Hey, wait a minute–the Bible calls the man who says in his heart there is no God a fool, AND Jesus calls those who hear his sayings but don’t do them fools.

Coincidence?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You see, my servants, the beautiful deception I’ve worked?  It’s not what a man says with his mouth, it’s what a man believes in his heart.  And what is in the heart will always be worked out in corresponding deeds.

Consider: if I said I believed in God with my mouth, but said in my heart there is no God, what would be my public position, on say, abortion rights?  Homosexual marriage?  The rule of law?  Forced confiscation of property to fund unGodly policies?  Traditional, conservative values?  Whether or not a Chick-fil-a could open in Tolerant Town?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Get it?  My world is full of functional atheists–those who differ from atheists only in what they say with their mouth.

Now, let me show you how this works out practically.

A USA Today poll just out shows “that 54% of those asked said they would vote a ‘well-qualified’ atheist in the Oval Office” (the US’s office of the presidency).

And guess what percentage of the vote Barack Obama got for president in 2008?  Take a look at what CNN reported:

Ha ha ha ha ha.  (Close enough!)

It’s no wonder, my friends that other polls show that most Americans can’t name Obama’s religion.  What religion?

Pollsters?

No, just confirming what is true but no one knew it.

Unknown truth.

I like that.

Why do Atheists Have a Sexual Harassment Problem?

Posted in atheism, atheists with tags , , on July 16, 2012 by devilbloggger

Harassment.

Atheists have disappointed me again, my servants.  Yes, those fools simply do not know how to act like they don’t believe in
God.  In fact, they prove that they are actually like me–they are not atheists; they are theophobes.  They simply hate God.

Hating God is a good start, but then the little fools go off and act like there is a God.  My desire is that God-haters act like God haters and stop acting like there is actually a transcendent morality that governs their behavior.

What?, you ask.

Let me use a recent article in the Washington Post to illustrate, my good but naive servants.  The On Faith section of the Washington Post recently ran a piece entitled, “Do Atheists Have a Sexual Harassment Problem?

It seems that those free-thinking mindslaves have a meeting coming up called The Amazing Meeting, or TAM.  And do you know what is amazing about it?  There are many less womenfolk attending this year than last.

Yes, it seems that the atheistically inclined babes aren’t so free thinking about, well, being treated like babes.  The atheist dames resent the blatant sexism displayed in previous meetings of the morally free.

Amazing.

Right?

But rest assured, my good friends.  The menfolk have noticed, and, according to the Post, are “asking whether they have a sexual harassment problem.  And, if so, what should be done?”

Yes, that is the question: “what should be done?”

And the foolish theophobes behind The Amazing Meeting came up with exactly the wrong answer.

You see, the question reflects the age-old question about what ought to be.

And the question of what ought to be is rational only (even to free thinkers) if there is a moral standard.  Otherwise, nothing “ought” to be, everything just is because it is.

Do you get it, my servants?

No?

Listen, the very fact that the atheistictheophobicmindslaves asked the question of what ought to be done reveals that they know, they know, that there is a right and wrong about sexual harassment.

But where does this right and wrong come from?

From other men?  If so, why should atheist men care?  From other women?  So why should atheist women care (most of them need not worry about unwanted touches anyway)?

No, my friends.  If it was just other men or women who set the standard atheists feel compelled to live by, they could easily ignore it.

But because these cowardly theophobes know in their hearts, even their conscience, that there is a right and wrong to this issue, they instituted a sexual harassment policy.

Cowards.   Hypocrites.  Fools.

It they were truly atheists, in answer to the question “what should be done?” they would have answered “Whatever the damn hell we want to do; who are you to tell us what to do?”

After all, who says sexual harassment is wrong?

Who?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, those atheist fools.  I love them, but they are still fools and they sometimes make me laugh.

But they make me laugh in a sad way.

I wish they would stop being cowards, and live like true atheists and God haters.

Like me.

But, alas, like me they are not really atheists.

Sigh.

Clergy Can Be Fools Too

Posted in atheism, atheists, christians, Sin, theology, Truth with tags , , on May 2, 2012 by devilbloggger

Clergy.

What do you think of when you think of “clergy,” my friends?  Do you think “professional religious person” or something to that effect?  I hope so, because one of my greatest successes on earth is in convincing people that the work of God belongs primarily to those with the label of “clergy” or an equivalent like “pastor,” “priest,” “preacher,” “evangelist,” or “rabbi.”  Through this great cunning of mine I have effectively fractionogrified the work of God, limiting to a small fraction of the Godpie any focused activity against my kingdom.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But I’m not finished, my servants.

No, I can do better.

And I’ll tell you my latest movement among clergy, if you promise to keep it confidential.

Promise?

OK, here it is: I’m successful almost the world over in demoralizing, tiring, overworking, and generally discouraging “clergy” to the point that many no longer even believe in God!

Don’t believe me?

Then consider this nice little article by Candace Chellew-Hodge in today’s Religion Dispatches, entitled, “Clergy Come Out as Atheists.”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, my faithful, as this article states, I have many “clergy” the world over who are either outright, professing atheists, or functional atheists.  I love the professing atheists most, but both kinds serve my kingdom well.  And all the while everyone thinks they are serving God’s kingdom!

I’m good.

I’m really good.

So Ms. Chellew-Hodge, who knows something about false theology from her own experiences, relates the plight of a Florida (U.S.A.) United Methodist Church pastor who recently “came out” as an atheist.  According to the article, Ms. Teresa MacBain lives a “double life” because, according to her,”I’m currently an active pastor and I’m also an atheist.”  You’ll have to read the article for the full scoop, but I just love the post-modern, mushy-gushy, jello-mindedness on display here.

I love it.

And I even love more that, according to the article, Ms. MacBain found a fool’s paradise:

MacBain recently attended the American Atheist’s convention in Maryland, where she came out as an Atheist pastor and has found a home in a new coalition helping such disbelieving clergy called “The Clergy Project: “a safe haven for active and former clergy who do not hold supernatural beliefs.”

Clergy who no longer hold supernatural beliefs?

Hey, my friends, what’s the point?  That’s like a gold miner who doesn’t believe in gold.  Or a pilot who doesn’t believe in flight.  Or a human being who doesn’t believe in God — fools all.

Fools’ fools, these clergy of mine are.

Even Ms. Chellew-Hodge recognizes a plain, undeniable truth of existence: “Specifically,” she says, “either you’re a Christian or you’re an Atheist.”

Right she is, but that doesn’t stop post-modern, mushy-gushy, jello-mindedness from providing succor to suckers.

Now, many of you may have a negative opinion of me, being that my main delight on earth is to roam about seeking whom I may devour.  Killing, stealing, and destroying is my game, after all.

But you must give me great credit for how I’m devouring “clergy” right before your eyes.

Let me impart some very sensitive kingdom knowledge to you, my good servants.

Can you keep a secret?  Look around you; do you see anyone who is untrustworthy?  Can any Godpunks see your screen?

No?

OK, listen carefully and quietly.  Ms. MacBain is a perfect object lesson to show how I work.  I didn’t convince Ms. MacBain of the ultimate lie overnight.  No, first I turned her denomination into a demonination.

Get it?  I removed a correct theology from her denomination to make it a demonination, full of un-Biblical error.  The very fact that a “she” holds the position she does is the first clue of abject error that leads to ultimate faithlessness (in God).  But she goes further, according to the article, MacBain laments of her situation:

There are plenty of traditional Christian churches who would never have me as their pastor, because I don’t believe the majority of what orthodox Christianity says I must believe. For instance, I don’t believe in hell. I don’t believe Jesus died for anybody’s sins, but because of the sins committed against him by the powers that were in charge at the time. I don’t believe Jesus bodily rose from the dead.

Where did she learn to believe lies?  Who taught her this claptrap?

Little by little I’m turning entire denominations into demoninations, slowly but surely compromising truth, selectively applying scriptural mandates, and generally pridefying entire swaths of humans so that they create their “god” in the image of man.

And a god in the image of man will always fail to the point of despair, which is what Ms. MacBain experiences daily.

Yes, I’m good.

Go ahead and say it: “You’re good!”

And do you want to know another little delight gleaned from the Religion Dispatch’s article?  According to Ms. Chellew, after Ms. MacBain came out, “[p]eople shunned her.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And, “Only two of MacBain’s friends called her and took her to lunch.”

Where were the Christians to show God’s love?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Winning!!

Atheists make for mad scientists

Posted in agnostics, atheism, atheists, Darwinism, False religion, God, religion, science, Truth, Uncategorized, worldview with tags , , on February 25, 2012 by devilbloggger

Mad Scientists.

Do you know how to make a scientist mad?  Try this some time.  Go up to a scientist and say that you believe the natural evidence of creation supports a scientific inference of a creator.  That is, explain that the abundant evidence of design in the universe and the world around you naturally leads you to believe there might be an intelligent designer.  Unless you happen to find one who practices the scientific method objectively, you will succeed in provoking the wrath of certainty from a dogmatic person who will lecture you on the difference between “science” and “religion”.

You will, in fact, create a mad scientist.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, my servants, let me tell you one of my greatest kingdom secrets.  I’ve succeeded in making “science” the new world religion by carefully cultivating the discipline of science and the persona of scientists as being “objective” arbiters of truth.  Bias free, contemplating, rational minds inside humble bodies supporting white lab coats, dutifully doling out truth to the masses.

And my real triumph?  I’ve changed the definition of “truth” so that in effect, the only truth permitted by “science” and the new scientists must be, by definition, atheistic.

You don’t believe me?  Then you have never tried to make a mad scientist.

Try it.  You will see.  And then do your own research into what “science” is today, and you will find that the new paradigm is that “science” must posit only “natural” explanations for natural phenomena.

And God is not natural.

So science today is forced by the elite establishments of academia to be unnaturally atheistic regardless of the evidence.

Period.

Did you know, my friends, that over 85% of the members of the United State’s National Academy of Sciences are atheists?  And the atheists wonder openly how the other 15% got in.

Now you know why.

Please keep this information confidential; if this kingdom knowledge ever gets out my agenda could be set back to the days when God-believing scientists like Nicholas Copernicus, Sir Francis Bacon, Johannes Kepler, Galileo Galilei, Blaise Pascal, Isaac Newton, Robert Boyle, Michael Faraday, Gregor Mendel, William Thomson Kelvin, Max Planck, and Albert Einstein made ground-breaking scientific gains while openly practicing a belief in God.

Let me illustrate my great success on earth with a news article that caught my eye today.  The Telegraph reports, in an article by John Bingham entitled, “Richard Dawkins: I can’t be sure God does not exist,” on a dialog at Oxford University during which Dawkins admitted to Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Rowan Williams,  “that he preferred to call himself an agnostic rather than an atheist.”

What??

Richard Dawkins, one of my premeire beelze-buds, is as this article states, “regarded as the most famous atheist in the world.”

And now he’s “agnostic”?

Now, my friends, you know if you read this blog that I, like God, believe atheists to be fools.

There are no atheists in Hell.

But agnostics!  That’s a different story.  There are also no agnostics in Hell, but true agnostics on earth often never get here.

But after reading the article, I realize Richard Dawkins is as atheistic as he always was, which is to say, that like all those who profess to be atheists, he is merely an arrogant coward who refuse to face the evident truth of nature.  (I just hope Dawkins never realizes that he can be sure God does exist.)

But atheists do help further my kingdom on earth, so I find them useful fools (and, usually quite stupid on top of that!).

Let me explain, using Dawkins as Fool in Chief.

In attempting to sound intelligent, Dawkins, according to The Telegraph article, stated to the Archbishop:

“What I can’t understand is why you can’t see the extraordinary beauty of the idea that life started from nothing – that is such a staggering, elegant, beautiful thing, why would you want to clutter it up with something so messy as a God?”

Now, my servants, read that quote more carefully (I know many of you skip over quotes).  Think about what Servant Fool Dawkins said, and learn.

The idea that life started from nothing . . . why clutter it up with God?

That, my friends, is not a scientific observation; it is a statement of faith.

The idea that anything can come from nothing is antithetical to all of science.  A true scientist would never make such a statement.  Whether “life” (as Dawkins says), or any element of matter in the universe (as Dawkins believes), science is quite clear that nothing comes from nothing.

If ever there was truly “nothing” there would still be nothing today.

That’s science.

On the contrary, Dawkin’s statement is a statement of faith.  He is expressing the necessary faith of every atheist (although most are, frankly, not intelligent enough to grasp it): In the beginning there was nothing, and then “poof” out of nothing, came something.

It is scientific nonsense, but it makes perfect sense to atheists like Dawkins.

Here’s another secret, my friends: everyone believes something unbelievable.

Either something (the universe) just appeared like magic out of nothing (an unscientific thought, but held by Dawkins), or something was created by God.

Which statement is more scientifically valid?

Yes, you are right: God.

Because science says everything that came to be must have been caused.

Aristotle, a true scientist, decided there must be an Uncaused Cause.  And he was right.

Every thinking human not hindered by a philosophical bias comes to the same conclusion as Aristotle; the evidence demands it.

But not all humans are like Aristotle.  In fact, in today’s agenda-driven, philosophically constrained philosophical environment, humans who wish to be prominent, published, scientists must first express allegiance to practical atheism before they practice science.

Human => atheist => scientist is the progression I’ve arranged on earth.  Humans like Dawkins are, as shown by his statement above, atheists second, and scientists third.  Very simply, their “science” (something can come from nothing) is dictated not by the evidence, but by their atheism.

Human => scientist => atheist is impossible.  Humans who are scientists first, observing the evidence of creation and making natural, rational inferences, can never be atheists.

Which goes to show my great ability on earth, don’t you think?

And if you try to point out the atheist’s philosophical bias they get mad.  They lecture you on your ignorance of “science” and sue you for violating separation of Christianity and state, and deny you tenure, and call you names, and start blogs about you, and sit in their circle of atheist jerks and make each other feel good.

It’s a beautiful thing, really.

Now send Mr. Dawkins a thank you note for me, will you?

He’s a doll.

Can’t wait to meet him.

And those like him.

Mad scientists all, when they come rolling in my gates.

Something from nothing.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Madness, pure madness.

Neither godless nor Godless

Posted in atheism, atheists, progressives, secular humanism, Truth with tags , on December 8, 2011 by devilbloggger

Secular.

I love the news today, my friends.  I read in The Hill’s Blog Briefing Room about a “secular coalition” of voters in the USA called, of course, The Secular Coalition for America, who plan on flooding Capitol Hill with ‘godless voters’.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, my idiots at the secular coalition, Capitol Hill is already flooded with voters who ignore God.  So what is it you are trying to do?  Screw things up?

Oh, the confusion I sow.  Sometimes I have to shake my head at the inanity of people who swallow my lies on earth.

This time, according to The Hill’s article,

The Secular Coalition for America, a lobbying organization for “atheists, humanists and freethinkers,” will “flood Capitol Hill with godless voters to lobby Representatives,” according to a press release from the group.

Now I find this entire effort quite amusing.  Watching those I deceive act out my deception is one of my greatest pleasures.  Consider first: atheists and humanists are by definition not free thinkers.  They are not free to consider if God exists or not, are they?  As I’ve said before, atheists are free thinkers like prisoners are free walkers — they are free to walk about in their assumption-barred mind-cells.

Walk on, my atheist friends.  There is a time when you will be a truly free thinker.   Soon you will be an irredeemable theist, just like everyone else in Hell.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But my greater amusement comes from knowing many on earth consider themselves “godless”.  This is wrong on at least two levels.  Let me explain.

First, a human on earth can no more be Godless (as opposed to godless) than he or she can be Sunless.  God is there whether you acknowledge it or not, just as the Sun is still there even when it’s dark, and even if you shut yourself up in an enclosed room stuffing rags in every crack light seeps through.

God is.  Remember that.

Nothing else in the universe “is” in itself, pure existence, uncreated and eternal.  God can no more be “isn’t” than light can be dark.

It is impossible.

And it’s impossible for anyone on earth to be Godless.

But I like the thought.

Second, to the point of my deceived ones ready to descend on Washington DC, these people are not only not “Godless,” they are also not “godless”.

In fact, their god is their belly.  They live to please themselves, and every activity of their life, including “flooding Capitol Hill” is aimed at pleasing themselves.

It’s a beautiful sight.

I love watching the mass of humanity.  Thinking themselves godless and wishing themselves Godless, they are actually neither.

Vote on, you wretchedly deceived “godless” voters.

I do have one major concern, however.  I read in The Hill article that in 2011, these lobbying efforts “drew 80 people who participated …”

80??

Is that all?

Only 80 people showed up out of the greatest nation of atheistic, secular, Godhating, religion-bashing, evolution-loving Americans?

80???

Oh, this is embarrassing.

Someone please fix this.

Please?

Don’t embarrass me again.

HT: Weasel Zippers, who very cleverly commented on the title of The Hill’s blog (“Secular Coalition To Flood Capitol Hill With “Godless Voters”) with this insight: “Otherwise known as Democrats.”  Nice.  Very nice.

Liar, liar, pants on fire

Posted in atheism, atheists with tags , on October 28, 2011 by devilbloggger

Lying.

Hey, if an atheist lies, does it count?  Does it matter?  Think about that a moment while I relate to you a funny story that says a lot about those who are so sure God doesn’t exist they can’t seem to stop talking about him.

I’m referring to a story at the Huffington Post entitled “Atheists’ Billboard Falsely Attributes Quote To Thomas Jefferson.”  Sure enough, those loveable little bitternics paid for a billboard to promote their religion by bashing Christianity.  So far, so good, of course, but those petty little religomeddlers showed themselves to be the fools they are (this is one thing on which God and I agree!) by failing to fact check their Christobashification!

According to the Huffington Post:

The billboard includes a picture of [American “Founding Father”] Jefferson with the quote: “I do not find in Christianity one redeeming feature. It is founded on fables and mythology.”

However, the article reports that “further research reveals there’s no solid evidence that Jefferson ever uttered or wrote the words.”

In fact, there is not even any flimsy evidence that Thomas Jefferson ever said such a thing.

I have an idea!  I’m going to have someone put up a billboard saying “Atheists are fools!” and attribute it to Thomas Jefferson.  Of course ol’ Tom never said that; God did.  But maybe if atheists thought Jefferson said it they would change.  Right?  Why not?

According to an Orange County Register article on the same billboard, Bruce Gleason, a member of the atheist group Backyard Skeptics, explained the purposes of the sign, one of which is, “To let other people, non-believers, know that there’s a place you can go and share the idea that you can be good and do good without a religion or god.”

Hmmm.  You can be good and do good without religion or god?

Good?

Are you and your Backyard Fools doing good, Mr. Gleason?

I take it from your exhibition of your religion, that lying is good and liars do good, right?

So you must want people to believe that one can lie without religion?  Is that what you are demonstrating, Mr. Gleason?  Or that you can bear false witness, or take liberties with facts, or use any means, regardless how vile and despicable, for selfish ends?

Is that what you are trying to teach people?

If so, your point is taken, and, frankly, I’m with you.  Lying, cheating, and stealing can be done without religion.  I should know, because I am the father of all liars.  And I have my people on earth, many of them thinking themselves very smart skeptics, who live out my lies daily.

Atheists on earth (the only place in the universe you will find them) disappoint me.  But lying atheists?

They make me a proud papa.

And Mr. Gleason, son, you make me proud.

PS: And as for “a place you can go and share the idea that you can be good and do good without a religion or god,” I’ve got just the place.  You’ll know when you get here because we’ll all shout “pants on fire!”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do Atheists Have More Fun?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on August 16, 2011 by devilbloggger

Fun.

I should have known better.   Here I thought I had found a good article extolling the funness of atheism.  But as I read, I found out it was a trick.  The article at RealClearReligion entitled, Do Atheists Have More Fun, turned out to be a trap for the unwary, who upon reading find the article to be written by a Godpunk, Heather Wilhelm, spouting truth in love.

Blechhhh!

Yes, Ms. Wilhelm uses Penn Jillette’s book entitled “God, No! Signs You May Already Be an Atheist and other Magical Tales,” to winsomly make the case for God’s existence.  Pure trickery, I tell you.  Please don’t read her article.

You see, I had high hopes that this deceptively titled article would make the case that atheists do, indeed, have more fun.  Although atheists are fools, it is true that ignorance is bliss, and like a driver of a car joyriding toward a sheer cliff, atheists can experience a temporary, ignorance-fueled, happiness. 

But the cliff is real, and you should see their faces as they careen over that last centimeter of the broad way, knowing immediately that they were on the road to certain destruction.

Too late, of course.   Which makes seeing their wide-eyed terror-stricken faces all the more enjoyable.  I will see Penn Teller at the wheel of his pridemobile soon, unless a power greater than mine intervenes.

But this Wilhelm chick.  She’s trouble.  With her endearing, charming, writing style, she uses Penn’s stance as the spring board for a compelling case for God.  For example, she quotes C.S. Lewis (blechhhh!), who said with respect to the seeming cruelty and unjustness of the universe:

But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust?

Yes, all the reasoning of atheists that God must not exist because of all the suffering and unjustness in the world is actually an argument for God.  How else would we know what is “good”?  Every atheists’ attempt at defining what is morally “good” ultimately dies the futile death of “who says?”  As winsome Wilhelm states, quoting another Godpunk, Tim Keller, author of “The Reason for God“:

In the end, Keller notes, people affirm “the equality and dignity of human individuals simply because [they] believe it is true and right. [They] take as an article of faith that people are more valuable than rocks or trees — though [they] can’t prove that scientifically. [Their] public policy proposals are ultimately based on a religious stance.

And that’s the dirty little truth I try to obscure. 

Yes, the very reason many are atheists is actually proof of a universal, transcendent, absolute Good. 

I just hope no atheists become deep thinkers. 

Because Wilhelm is, unfortunately, right.

Blechhhh!

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