Archive for Catholics

Protestants and Catholics? They’re both found in Hell.

Posted in Catholic Church, religion with tags , , , on January 16, 2012 by devilbloggger

Religion.

You know, my servants, that I’ve made “religion” a bad word, even though everyone has one.  Yes, everyone has a belief system that deals with ultimate questions, including where one goes when one dies.  What I love most are the fools who claim to have no religious beliefs, and yet will argue day and night against those with different religious beliefs.  Atheists are a prime example.  All they talk about is religion, and all they do is defend their religion against others.

But do you know what I enjoy almost as much as atheists showing themselves fools?

No?

OK, I’ll tell you.

It’s protestants and Catholics arguing among themselves, accusing one another, and condemning one another to Hell.

Yes, it’s rare that either group is so explicit, but underlying each side’s respective dialogs on religion is the underlying suspicion held by one group that most adherents of the other group are going to Hell.

Admittedly painting with a broad brush, let me summarize the view from Hell.  Protestants believe that Catholics have corrupted the simplicity of the gospel with “religion” (which is why they protested in the first place).  Protestants believe Catholicism is a religion of works, and its adherents fail to adequately understand salvation by grace through faith.   Catholics, on the other hand, although being a little slippery on this point, at a gut level believe the Catholic Church IS the church of Jesus Christ on earth, so that, by definition, one who does not belong to the Catholic Church is, by definition, going to Hell.

This tension was brought to my attention most recently by an interesting blog post over at patheos.com’s Bad Catholic blog entitled, “Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus — The Smackdown.”  Written by “Marc” in response to a YouTube video with the name “Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus,” the post is a well-written response by a Catholic to counter a well-done defense by a protestant of the idea that “religion” is antithetical to a relationship with Jesus, necessary for salvation.  Marc makes a good defense of “religion,” and Catholicism, which he rightfully infers, is the religion targeted in the YouTube video.

Here is what you need to know, my servants, the eternal home of human beings is not determined by labels, protestant or Catholic.  The eternal home of individual human beings is dependent upon one thing: their spiritual state on earth based on a spirit made alive by the grace of God through Jesus Christ.

Period.

There are many protestants that have never been made alive, i.e., born again by the Spirit of God.  They may be protestants on earth, but we call them friend in Hell.

And, of course, there are many Catholics that go through the motions and haven’t a clue as to the saving grace of Jesus Christ.  We do see a tendency among Catholics to rely on the outward appearances of ritual and tradition to ensure their salvation.

Here’s the bottom line, my friends: Hell is full of those who called themselves protestants and Catholics on earth.

Who is not here?

Those protestants and Catholics and anyone other “good servants” whom God calls Christians.

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Most US Catholics Need to Get a Clue

Posted in abortion, Catholic Church, christians, Obama with tags , , , on November 17, 2011 by devilbloggger

Clue.

Do you know what you call a Catholic who does not hold to Catholic teaching?  Well, apparently you still call him or her a “Catholic”.  And because I’ve hoodwinked large swaths of “Catholics” (quotes necessary, sorry) to continue self-identifying as Catholics, the entire institution is headed to destruction.

Not that that’s a bad thing, of course.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Let me illustrate, my servants.  There is hardly a better object lesson in Catholic split personality disorder than the Catholic response to President Barack Obama.  According to Michael Gerson’s opinion in today’s Washington Post, entitled, “Obama turns his back on Catholics,” 54% of Catholics supported Obama’s election!

54%!

More than half of Catholics supported a man who has absolutely no clue about Christianity, including Catholicism.  More than half of Catholics supported a man who wholeheartedly, without apology, with a proven record, supports abortion. (Obama only reluctantly stops short of wholeheartedly supporting infanticide).  More than half of Catholics supported a man who throws his support behind homosexuality, same-sex marriage, and forcing every American to celebrate it with him.

Someone needs to get a clue.

Either Obama needs to get a clue.  Or . . .

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You see, my friends, I am the clue-hider.  With clues lying around like blinking strobe lights of anti-Catholic sentiment, I still duped 54% of Catholics, oops, “Catholics,” into supporting Obama.

Oh, I’m good.

But even better than getting those 54% to support a man who hates their values, I have even convinced God-believing institutions to support a man who continually saddens the heart of God.

As Gerson states, in 2009 I convinced the University of Notre Dame to invite “a champion of abortion rights to deliver the school’s commencement address.”

Clue, anyone?

In his address at the University of Our Lady, Obama made clear that “ladies” on earth would trump God when he lied about “honor[ing] the conscience of those who disagree with abortion.”  Obama spoke of “ensuring that all of our health-care policies are grounded not only in sound science but also in clear ethics, as well as respect for the equality of [already born] women.”

Clue, anyone?

Obama has not turned his back on Catholics; he always had his back to Catholics.  Just as he has always had his back turned to God.

But, as Gerson documents, fortunately for Obama, 54% of clueless Catholics had his back.

Gerson continues:

Now the conscience protections of Catholics are under assault, particularly by the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS).

Why?  I’ll bet you can guess.

Close.  Here’s why: because, as Gerson writes, the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB), using federal grant money, administers programs that aid victims of human trafficking don’t refer for abortions.  And because they won’t refer for abortions, the HHS last month abruptly ended its funding.

According to Gerson:

It did not matter that an independent review board had rated the bishops’ program more effective than those of its competitors — or that career HHS employees objected to the politicized handling of the grant.

The HHS defended its decision because it was “giving preference to grantees that offer ‘the full range of legally permissible gynecological and obstetric care.’”

Clue, anyone?

The HHS, my servants, like Obama himself, has a short list of nonnegotiables.  And one of them abortion.  No matter what he says in feigned support of a pro-life position, he is lying.  It is clearly apparent to anyone with a clue.

But, because clues are in short supply, instead we get Sebelius at the HHS, of whom Gerson writes:

Sebelius — an outspoken pro-choice Catholic — has a long history of conflict with Catholic authorities.

Does anyone see the clear contradiction here?  Actually, no, which is a sign of my great skill in clue-hiding.  No one recognizes the clear oxymoron in that sentence, like describing someone as a 6-foot tall midget.  It is definitionally impossible.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Gerson concludes:

Sebelius is becoming a political embarrassment at an inconvenient time. It will be significantly harder for Obama to repeat his appeal to Catholic voters while a part of his administration is at war with Catholic leaders and Catholic belief.

Actually, it won’t be hard at all.

Because most Catholics are “Catholics”.

And Obama knows they have his back.

Someone does, after all, have a clue.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Alert: Ignore the Manhattan Declaration

Posted in christians, election, politics, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on October 29, 2010 by devilbloggger

This is an alert.  It is not a drill.

My servants, you must know about a rising threat to my kingdom, particularly in the United States political realm.  I’ve had my eye on this group since a year ago when they first started.  I knew they had sinister designs on my kingdom, but I really did not expect them to gain any significant political traction. 

But now this anti-Satan group of busy-bodies has manipulated almost 500,000 people to sign their stinkin’ Declaration, and quite frankly, I’m worried.  The group is called the Manhattan Declaration and it has the support of Orthodox, Catholic, and Evangelical Christians, and practically every big name in the Christian world.  Started in 2009, by a group including Chuck Colson (oh, how I regret letting grace steal that sinner from my slimy grip!), the movement “was born out of an urgent concern about growing efforts to marginalize the Christian voice in the public square, to redefine marriage, and to move away from the biblical view of the sanctity of life.”

They say they stand for three simple propositions: the sanctity of life, the dignity of marriage as the union of one man and one woman, and religious liberty. Blechhh!  Gag me with a pitchfork!  Will someone please turn them off!

I must say, as much as I hate everything the Manhattan Declaration stands for, in a way I’m flattered.  After all, it was ME, and MY efforts in the United States that marginalized the “Christian voice” and took away religious liberties in the first place.  I’m directly responsible for removing the Christian voice from the public square, redefining marriage, and removing every view, biblical or not, of the sanctity of life.  Well done.  Thank you. No, thank you!

Ever since the first day the United States was formed around the idea that a transcendent creator was the author of life, and the creator was acknowledged by all to be the God of the Bible, I’ve been working at marginalization all God-belief.  But it was not until this century that I was able to make such great progress, virtually permanently relegating all God-thoughts to the private sphere (oh, you believe in God?  That’s nice, as long as you keep it to yourself, loser).  I have the United States so politically correct–the only places that God is left is where he’s carved in marble or engraved on money.  And it won’t be long before even those vestiges of Christianity are gone.

And you know what replaces God when he’s gone?

No, not ME (but you’re close).  MAN replaces God, and man without God is mine, so it might as well be me.  Ha ha ha ha ha.

So, my servants, you see why it’s extremely important that the Manhattan Declaration be stopped.  Their mission is against my will on earth.  I ask you to take up the cause for my sake, and do the following:

  1. Ignore the movement.  One of the main difficulties facing any emerging social movement is spreading the very knowledge that it exists.  Therefore, the best way to stifle all knowledge of the Manhattan Project is to help stop the word from getting out.  Do not share its URL with anyone.
  2. Do not pray for the Manhattan Project.  This should go without saying.  Prayer displeases me greatly, but I know that some of my servants are weak and find themselves uttering superstitious words now and then.  But prayer for this movement is true heresy against my kingdom.
  3. Stay ignorant on the issues.  Your ignorance is my bliss.
  4. Do not get any churches involved.  If you happen to be affiliated with a church (some of my servants are weak, and go to church just for show), do not ask your pastor/priest/teacher to get the congregation involved.  The more people get involved, the harder it is for me to stop.
  5. Do not write letters to the editor on the Declaration and on the three issues it speaks to.  Even a letter against the Declaration is a backdoor way of publicizing it.
  6. And whatever you do, do not support the movement with a donation.

Go, my servants, and ignore the Manhattan Declaration.  May my will be done on earth as it is in Hell.

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