Archive for religion

Protestants and Catholics? They’re both found in Hell.

Posted in Catholic Church, religion with tags , , , on January 16, 2012 by devilbloggger


You know, my servants, that I’ve made “religion” a bad word, even though everyone has one.  Yes, everyone has a belief system that deals with ultimate questions, including where one goes when one dies.  What I love most are the fools who claim to have no religious beliefs, and yet will argue day and night against those with different religious beliefs.  Atheists are a prime example.  All they talk about is religion, and all they do is defend their religion against others.

But do you know what I enjoy almost as much as atheists showing themselves fools?


OK, I’ll tell you.

It’s protestants and Catholics arguing among themselves, accusing one another, and condemning one another to Hell.

Yes, it’s rare that either group is so explicit, but underlying each side’s respective dialogs on religion is the underlying suspicion held by one group that most adherents of the other group are going to Hell.

Admittedly painting with a broad brush, let me summarize the view from Hell.  Protestants believe that Catholics have corrupted the simplicity of the gospel with “religion” (which is why they protested in the first place).  Protestants believe Catholicism is a religion of works, and its adherents fail to adequately understand salvation by grace through faith.   Catholics, on the other hand, although being a little slippery on this point, at a gut level believe the Catholic Church IS the church of Jesus Christ on earth, so that, by definition, one who does not belong to the Catholic Church is, by definition, going to Hell.

This tension was brought to my attention most recently by an interesting blog post over at’s Bad Catholic blog entitled, “Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus — The Smackdown.”  Written by “Marc” in response to a YouTube video with the name “Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus,” the post is a well-written response by a Catholic to counter a well-done defense by a protestant of the idea that “religion” is antithetical to a relationship with Jesus, necessary for salvation.  Marc makes a good defense of “religion,” and Catholicism, which he rightfully infers, is the religion targeted in the YouTube video.

Here is what you need to know, my servants, the eternal home of human beings is not determined by labels, protestant or Catholic.  The eternal home of individual human beings is dependent upon one thing: their spiritual state on earth based on a spirit made alive by the grace of God through Jesus Christ.


There are many protestants that have never been made alive, i.e., born again by the Spirit of God.  They may be protestants on earth, but we call them friend in Hell.

And, of course, there are many Catholics that go through the motions and haven’t a clue as to the saving grace of Jesus Christ.  We do see a tendency among Catholics to rely on the outward appearances of ritual and tradition to ensure their salvation.

Here’s the bottom line, my friends: Hell is full of those who called themselves protestants and Catholics on earth.

Who is not here?

Those protestants and Catholics and anyone other “good servants” whom God calls Christians.


Church growth in America (my way)

Posted in Bible, Catholic Church, christians, gospel, liberals, multiculturalism, political correctness, theology, toleration, Truth with tags , , on July 11, 2011 by devilbloggger


Have you ever heard of a Church Shrink Expert?  A Church Shrink Consultant?  How about a Church De-membership Drive, or a Church Negative Growth Committee?


I don’t know why not.  After all, Church Shrink Experts and Church Shrink Consultants are ubiquitous in the modern church.  In fact, they control most of the governing bodies of the mainline denominations, leading them step by step to empty pews and cultural irrelevancy.

It took years for me to groom the numbers on earth today, but Church Shrink Experts now control most established protestant denominations, and many Catholic and Orthodox churches.

And they are very effective. 

Does anyone care?  Consider Churchboy:  If your local congregation disappeared today, would anyone in your community care tomorrow?  Would anyone in your community even notice?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Answer honestly Churchboy.  The fact of the matter is that most churches on earth today exist primarily for those inside and hardly at all for those outside. 

And the numbers of those inside are shrinking. 


My servants, I’ve watched the steady decline in numbers of mainline churches with great pride.  I am Church Shrinking Expert One, and I must pat myself on the back for my great success in this area. 

And, at the risk of reversing my trend I thought I would share three tips for Church Shrinking with you.  What spurred my thinking on this was a news story today in The New American entitled, “United Church of Christ Votes to Remove “Heavenly Father” from Bylaws.” 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love it!  Remove Heavenly Father from their earthly, human, manmade bylaws?  

The New American reports:

Explaining the change, which reflects a trend toward gender-neutralizing (and in some cases feminizing) God that has been in vogue throughout the denomination for years, UCC spokesperson Barb Powell told World Net Daily:

In the UCC, our language for God, Christ and the Holy Spirit … is preferred to be more open for different expressions of the Trinity. Heavenly Father is just one vision.

Well, yes, “Heavenly Father” is just one vision.  Never mind that it is God’s vision.  I suppose when one decides to make God politically correct anything is possible.  If scripture is to be ignored another equally valid vision is that God is a unicorn.  Even better, a bi-sexual unicorn with two mommies.

Why not?

No, really, why not??

But what I like best is the quote from David Runnion-Bareford of Biblical Witness Fellowship (BWF), a group formed to battle “UCC’s theological surrender to the moral and spiritual confusion of contemporary culture.”

He called the latest compromise by the church, which is one of the most rapidly shrinking Protestant denominations in America, “a powerful confession by the Synod of the UCC that, having rebelled against the word of God, is on sinking sand — with our members, churches, historic witness, and identity in Christ washing away before our eyes.”

Sorry Dave, you are losing this battle.  And the great swooshing sound of church members washing away before your eyes illustrates my first, and most important Church Shrinking tip: 

Tip 1: Be Relevant; mold scripture to modern culture.

Get it?  It is the Gospel of Modern Niceness.   Modern political correctness demands tolerant niceness to all.  We all learn that it’s nice to be nice to the nice, and the only one’s who aren’t nice are those meanies who believe the Bible to be God the Father’s (sorry, UCC) word on earth.

Does gender specific language offend?  Then just change it!  Be relevant to those to whom (and to those two, whom) such language is a barrier to communion with whatever God you believe you worship. 

But the Niceness doesn’t end at gender nonsense, of course.  Niceness leads to denominational endorsement of same-sex marriage, ordination of homosexual ministers, and implicit condoning all manner of sexual impropriety that now imposes as the contemporary norm.  Consider an elaboration of this tip from John Richardson, who has studied Shrinkology in modern churches:

Contemporary relevance is a fundamental tool in denominational shrinkage. Not only does it deter people from going to your churches, it actually camouflages the fact that they are not.

And, as Richardson states, here is the great lie that goes unnoticed until all the pews are empty:

But of course nobody will commit themselves to a church which is preaching what they (the non-churchgoer) already practise. Sundays are for resting, in bed or with family and friends, not sitting in uncomfortable buildings … watching badly performed rituals and listening to the blessed thoughts of the half-unbelieving and half-trained, though well-intentioned, minister.

I couldn’t have said it any better.  And it just amazes me how many Christian denominations, in an effort to grow abandon the very reason for church in the first place: scripturally sound doctrine that drives a self-controlled disciplined lifestyle, set apart from the world, being transformed by the renewing of the mind to God’s thoughts to be more like Jesus daily.

Blechhhh!  I can’t believe I even wrote that.

Tip 2:  Drop Your Demands

Related to being relevant in modern culture, dropping troublesome demands on a sinful lifestyle and stressing holiness is a sure-fire church shrinker.  As Richardson notes:

[M]aintaining the demands of orthodox belief generally doesn’t sit well with denominational shrinkage. A broad church is, by and large, a leaky church. If you want to lose the average person from your church then, paradoxically, you must declare as ‘faith’ what the average person already finds it easy and comfortable to believe. Never mention the afterlife except in terms of cosy reassurance about the love of God. Specifically, never mention hell – except when assuring people that a loving God could not possibly send anyone to such an awful place invented by vindictive humans etc. (It may be necessary to keep off the Bible in general or Jesus’ own words in particular at this point.)

Yes, make your church one of Easy Believism.  Do not require repentance, a holy lifestyle, adherence to scripture in matters of morals and behavior, or any of the other things that Jesus tends to like.  And never, never, mention H-E-L-L.

Tip 3:  Never mention or stress mission.

Jesus gave a Great Commission that scared the socks off me when I first heard it.  Go into all the world . . . making disciples . . . of all nations.  Each phrase chilled my already cold soul as I realized what would happen to my kingdom once the Great Commissioners got moving. 

Fortunately in the modern church today, particularly in Western cultures, there is virtually no Great Commissioning going on.  Most Christians go through their entire lives without making one disciple!

I know, my servants, I know.  It’s unbelievable!

But it’s true.  Churches with members that don’t reach out to friends, neighbors, co-workers, and their surrounding community with Good Deeds and Good News will only shrink away to oblivion.  It is inevitable; it is happening now.  As Richardson concludes, quoting a book The Churching of America 1776–1990 by Roger Finke and Rodney Stark:

[T]o the degree that denominations rejected traditional doctrines and ceased to make serious demands on their followers, they ceased to prosper. The churching of America was accomplished by aggressive churches committed to vivid otherworldliness.

Yes, that’s true to an extent.  But the fact is that all churches are committed to “otherworldliness.”  But because the “otherworldliness” is not “vivid” a shrinking number are aggressively committed to God’s “other world” while a growing number are aggressively committed to my “other world.”

Lack of vividity fuels church growth my way.

Viva nonvividity!

3 in 10 Americans don’t worry me

Posted in atheism, Bible, Catholic Church, christians, False religion, liberals, theology, worldview with tags , , on July 9, 2011 by devilbloggger

Quote of the Day:  But overall I love the mere confessors, because virtually all of them are lukewarm, just the way I like it.
Gays kissin’ and dissin’ (what’s missin’?)


What would happen, my servants, if one person on earth believed, I mean really believed, that the Bible was the actual word of the living God?  Well, of course, there was one person for whom that was actually true, and he almost destroyed my kingdom single-handedly. 

I often wonder why he didn’t.

And today there are many, many people who threaten my kingdom by similarly believing that God exists and obey his word as being literally true.  That combination of beliefs in a person signals a clear and present danger to my kingdom, and I deploy my most effective resources against such people. 

I can usually neutralize the impact of true believers by ensuring they experience either severe trials of their faith or extreme material blessing.  Both tend to result in a spiritually crippled believer; one dragging down to despair and the other conning into complacency.

I’ve used both techniques on the world for years with great results.  The numbers of people who believe the Bible to be the literal word of God shrink daily.  In the West I’ve leveraged primarily material blessing together with higher education and the lie of politicoreligious pluralistic mumbojumboism to steadily numb the spiritual senses of people. 

Weak and lazy minds distracted by the cares of this world work to further my kingdom on earth.

That’s why, my servants, I was surprised to read in my Huffington Post (in the Mumbojumboism section) the headline, “Poll: 3 in 10 Americans Take The Bible Literally.” 



Sure enough, apparently it’s true.  As stated by HuffPo:

A new Gallup poll reveals that three out of ten Americans believe the Bible to be the actual word of God, to be interpreted literally, word for word.

Well, well.  So many of you Americans have been holding out on me, eh?  I look for people like you 3-in-10’s all the time.  If Gallup had asked me I would have put the number at around 1 in 100,000.  As I roam about the earth, including America, seeking whom I might destroy I focus on exactly your type, you 3-in10’s. 

Where are you hiding?

Wait a minute.  Let me think about this.  Is it possible for someone to believe the Bible to be the actual word of God, to be interpreted literally, word for word, and I not know it?  Wouldn’t an army of 3-in-10’s pretty much put my kingdom in tatters in short order?

By my calculation, 3 in 10 Americans is 100,000,000 Americans! 


One hundred million people, any one of whom could successfully storm the gates of Hell and cause me to flee!  Any one of whom could lead large numbers of my captives to freedom in Christ by the preaching of the gospel, the caring for the poor, and the healing of the hurt and wounded.

I haven’t noticed any particular large scale threat to my kingdom coming out of America.  In fact, I see shrinking church membership, anemic church attendance, and a largely politically silenced impotence among Christians and those who call themselves Christians in the U.S.  (Maybe the 2.9 in10 fall in the latter classification??)

I wonder if God has noticed anything.  Maybe I’ll ask him next opportunity I have to inquire of him, as I did with Job, where I might find a righteous person to persecute.

So, my servants, what are we to make of this putative bad news about American 3-in-10’s?  First, note that the 3 in 10 statistic is down from previous years.  In 1980 and 1984 the number peaked at 40% — 4 in 10!  Second, note that in the same survey 17% believe the Bible to be a book of fables and legends.

And note further, my servants, that responses to the Gallup poll shifted drastically by levels of education.  As reported:

Of those with a high school diploma or less, 46 percent say they take the Bible literally, while only 16 percent of those with a postgraduate degree align with this view.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

What does this poll taken together with real world experience say?  Well, from my perspective it says that 3 in 10 Americans are either uneducated or liars.

Or both.

So we need not be concerned, my friends.  Let the Christians bask in their 3-in-10 status.  It makes little difference to me.

Look at it this way:  do you think America would be any different if 10 in 10 Americans believe the Bible to be the actual word of God, to be interpreted literally, word for word the same way the current 3-in-10’s do?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And the beat goes on.

Moral awakening? Or malleable Jesus?

Posted in Bible, christians, False religion, homosexuality, marriage, political correctness, religion, same sex marraige with tags , , , on May 11, 2011 by devilbloggger


Oh, how I love [a malleable] Jesus
Oh, how I love [a malleable] Jesus
Oh, how I love [a malleable] Jesus
Because he first loved me [and affirms me in my chosen lifestyle because he loves everyone regardless of their selfish love of their abominable unrepented sin].

Do you know that song?  I put in brackets the words Jesus hears when most American Christians sing this old-time favorite.  Don’t believe me?  I have two confirmatory articles today, my servants. 

The first comes from CNNs Belief Blog, in which author Stephen Prothero makes a very astute observation about American Christianity.  In a piece entitled, My Take: Poll on bin Laden’s death reveals a disposable Jesus, Prothero comments on his observations of the various responses of Christians and those who call themselves Christians in the aftermath of Osama bin Laden’s homecoming.  Most insightfully, Prothero concludes:

One thing that struck me hard while researching my 2003 “American Jesus” book was how malleable Jesus is in the American imagination. Instead of lording over American life, telling us what to do, he seems to be taking orders from us, carrying our water.

Ha ha ha ha ha. 

How true!

Or, as he put it back then:

The American Jesus is more a pawn than a king, pushed around in a complex game of cultural (and countercultural) chess, sacrificed here for this cause and there for another.

Do you not agree?  Let me give you an example of Prothero’s insight in action.  Virginia’s Episcopalians will have to move a little further to God’s left, because the Presbyterian Church (USA) just voted their way to a moral awakening to allow openly gay and lesbian people to become ordained ministers.

I know, my servants.  I know.

I am good.  But this is not about me, per se, it’s about those who believe my lies, and I have many true believers, even in the Presbyterian Church (USA).  You can read all about it in the Huffington Post in a piece by The Rev. Dr. Janet Edwards (Presbyterian minister).  My good servant Edwards reports Christianity’s turn to morality with some glee in a piece entitled, “The Moral Awakening of Mainstream Christianity.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

The Presbyterian Church (USA), Mainstream Christianity?

From my view, it is neither.

But anyway, my servants, Ms. Edwards (Presbyterian minister) has much to say that pleases me, and shows the truth of Mr. Prothero’s hypothesis of a truly malleable Jesus.

Ms. Edwards (Presbyterian minister) reports even before all the votes came in the following:

With over half of the presbyteries now voting “yes,” our church has taken a bold step towards inclusion that brings the third largest Mainline Christian denomination more in line with the teachings of Jesus Christ; that His love embraces all.

Do you see Jesus all malleabled up in her mushy humanness?  The reason ordaining gays and lesbians is “in line” with the teachings of Jesus Christ is because “His love embraces all.”

Hey, Ms. Edwards (Presbyterian minister), why, then do you not ordain open pedophiles, open ax murderers, open wife beaters, open drug addicts, open blasphemers, sinners openly flaunting what Jesus condemns — oops, sorry, you already ordain that last one.

Why not?

No, really, why not?  If Jesus’ “love embraces them all” why not ordain anyone and everyone?

Why not ordain me?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you see my lie in action, my servants?  Ms. Edwards (Presbyterian minister) has a very malleable Jesus, a Jesus who “is more a pawn than a king, pushed around in a complex game of cultural chess.” 

Squishing Jesus into an almost unrecognizable shape, Ms. Edwards (Presbyterian minister) provides this end that justifies her squishing means:

With 76% of Americans identifying themselves as Christian, it’s critically important that progressives of faith give witness and show how Scripture supports the full inclusion of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people into our churches, communities, and civil institutions.

Here we see a major flaw in her justificationization.  Let me impart some kingdom truth for you, my servants.  Please keep these truths confidential; this is kingdom knowledge for your eyes only.  Here it is:  

First, Christians are not those who “identify themselves” as Christians.  Christians are those whom God has worked an inward work of faith resulting in a heart-changed desire to please Him by obeying His word.

Second, trust me on this one, my servants, “progressives of faith” are rarely, if ever, Christians.  Yes, they “identify themselves” as Christians, but that’s because their “Christ” is a squished up version of the true Christ.

Third, to say that “Scripture supports the full inclusion of lesbian, gay . . . into our churches” is only meaningful if Ms. Edwards (Presbyterian minister) is willing to keep the list going with “open pedophiles, open ax murders, and the like.  Scripture says the same thing about pedophiles as it does about lesbians. 

Of course, let’s hope that never happens because that might cause a true moral awakening!

Promoting the wrong religion in Tennessee

Posted in ACLU, religion with tags , , on April 28, 2011 by devilbloggger


I love the ACLU, my servants.  Although they are missing two letters in their initials, the Non-Christian American Civil Liberties Union comes to my rescue over and over again.  And they are doing my bidding once more to protect the civil liberties of only non-Christians. 

It is a beautiful thing.

Did you read, my servants, about the little Constitution-tramplers in little Sumner County, Tennessee, in the United States?  Of course not, because you are not paying attention.  But my NCACLU is.  You can read about in today’s AP article entitled, “ACLU [sic] complaint claims Sumner schools promote religion.”

According to the AP article:

A complaint made by American Civil Liberties Union [sic] of Tennessee on behalf of three Sumner County families accuses the county school board of promoting Christianity in violation of the U.S. Constitution.

What did the NCACLU find objectionable?  Again, according to the AP article:

The complaint cites several examples of the school system promoting Christianity, including the distribution of Bibles in at least two schools; a teacher who displayed a cross on a classroom wall; sectarian prayers over school loudspeakers and at school events; and holding graduation ceremonies for three high schools at Long Hollow Baptist Church.

Yes, my servants.  Such establishments of religion are clearly a violation of Constitutional rights to a Godless (but not godless) existence.  Go NCACLU!

But here is what I love about these issues, my servants: Sumner County schools already promotes religion–it’s just a different religion.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you understand?


Let me spell it out.  American schools everywhere, my servants, already promote atheistic religious concepts; in fact, they are the only concepts allowed to be taught.   Every subject of study, every notion of ethics or morality, every angle of every topic must be taught from a strictly atheistic perspective.

And make no mistake, atheism is the theology of many, many recognized religions.

The Sumner County educators, therefore, are merely promoting a different religion, one which all my servants, including the NCACLU despise.

And so the dispute.

Who will win?

I will, of course.  Only my religious concepts are allowed to be taught in American public schools under the doctrine of Separation of Christian Church and State.

Ha ha ha ha ha.



Thank God for Evolution?

Posted in atheism, atheists, christians, creationism, Darwinism, evolution, religion with tags , , , , , , , on March 12, 2011 by devilbloggger

Hoo boy.

Sometimes I just have to sit back and count my curses.  I know you try hard, my servants, but sometimes you just go too far in your zeal for me and end up making my job harder.  I try to be patient, but patience is not one of my best traits.  Let me explain.

I have a great servant for my kingdom named Michael Dowd.  Mr. Dowd bills himself as a “reverend” and holds himself out as a an “evolutionary evangelist.”   According to his website he hopes to “promote Christian discussion of evolution,” via, among other avenues, webinars.  Yee hah!

Let me summarize some basics for you before I go to some gentle criticisms of Servant Dowd.  My most reverend Dowd believes that you and I are the product of natural, unguided, mindless processes that never had us in mind.  That is the definition of evolution, and it leaves no place for God, except for a private, imaginary type of God. 

So far, so good. 

I love that Mr. Dowd holds himself out as a Christian who has bought my lie so zealously that he “sees no conflict between faith and reason, heart and head, Jesus and Darwin.”  Yes, my lie as articulated in my deceitfulness by Servant Dowd is that “evolutionary theory can deepen rather than challenge faith.”  

In one sense this statement is true:  a true understanding of evolutionary theory will deepen faith; it will either deepen the Christian understanding of special creation due to Darwinism’s dearth of evidence, or it will deepen the atheistic understanding of creation despite nature’s wealth of evidence.

You see, my servants, here is my lie, which Servant Dowd touts at the top of his website: 

“Dowd argues that the conflict between evolution and religion is unnecessary and shows how we can recover the virtue of mutual respect, without anyone having to sacrifice deeply held principles.”

Question: Does Dowd expect that atheists will sacrifice their deeply held principles that God does not exist?  They must, if the “conflict” is between a science that denies the existence of God and a religion that demands it.

Or, does Dowd expect that Christians must sacrifice their deeply held principles that the Bible is God’s word, and that the evidence of nature supports a strong scientific inference of design that overwhelmingly confirms that word?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You see,  my servants, please pay attention.  I will impart kingdom knowledge.  If you know Servant Dowd, please forward this to him.  I don’t expect him to understand immediately, but over time perhaps my kingdom wisdom will sink in.

The mire that Servant Dowd slogs around in is a mire of post-modern, lazy thinking that ignores the law of non-contradiction.   Essentially, the law of non-contradiction, which every serious thinker through history recognizes, and which every thinker uses in real life (as opposed to philosophical pontifications like Dowd’s), is that it is impossible for two conflicting truth claims to be true at the same time and in the same relationship.

Example: Either (1) God created life; or, (2) life is an occurrence of mindless, unguided process.  Both statements cannot be true.  There is no “third way”. 

Christians believe No. 1 above.  Evolutionists and atheists believe No. 2 above.  To resolve the conflict, someone must give up a deeply held principle.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love my lies infiltrating the mind of the worldly-wise.

You see, my servants, Servant Dowd’s statement is true in one condition.  He is exactly right if one’s religion is atheistic.  In this case, there is, by definition, no conflict between “evolution” and “religion”  and no one need sacrifice a deeply held belief to resolve conflict.

And it is exactly Servant Dowd’s ignorance on this point, my servants, that he has gone to far, and raised my ire.  In this month’s Skeptic Magazine, a magazine for everyone skeptical of everything except Darwinism, Servant Dowd has an article entitled, “Thank God for the New Atheists.”  Servant Dowd’s views are prized by the likes of Skeptic Magazine, as they are used to promote the idea that Christians can be skeptics too, if only they become unskeptical about Darwinism and believe in a private, imaginary God.

In the Skeptic article servant Dowd pleased me with his bold display of anti-Christian-but-curiously-religious-pseudo-Christian bona fides by boasting that “God is not a person.”  (What if to resolve conflict Servant Dowd has to give up that deeply held belief?  Ha ha ha ha ha!).

But then Servant Dowd blurts out a truth statement that I wish to conceal.  He states without any hint of its damaging consequences to my kingdom: 

“Religion is about right relationship with reality, not the supernatural.”

Uh, Servant Dowd, ummm, you might want to walk that one back ASAP.  You see, my friend, you make two mistakes.  First, reality includes the supernatural, you doofus.  It is on that deeply held principle that you go wrong on everything else.  But more damaging to my kingdom is that  if your statement is true, then atheism is a religion.  Materialism (the idea that only matter exists) is a religion.  Evolutionists are religionists.  And, you, my servant, are a reverend of a non-Christian religion.

You see, my servants, the problem?

My lies are spread on earth, in public schools, in the media, in politics, in culture because my viewpoints are considered to be “secular” and not “religious.”  I have labored hard over decades and centuries to make sure that the United States’ “separation of church and state” is always thought of as “separation of Christianity and state.” 

If word gets out that atheism, materialism, evolutionism, and every other of my God-less “isms” are religions, then I and my kingdom will experience a set back to the dark ages.

Please, my servants.  I know that atheism is a religion.  But keep that quiet, you hear?

Somebody tell Servant Dowd, please?

Hoo boy.

A Non-Theocratic Regime? In your dreams.

Posted in atheism, atheists, Catholic Church, christians, False religion, religion, secular humanism with tags , , , , , , on March 7, 2011 by devilbloggger


What comes to mind when you think of the word “theocracy,” my friends?  I hope it conjures feelings of discomfort, a tinge of anxiety, and images of dogmatic, top-down behavior requirements that make you just a bit uneasy.  Maybe you even think of freedom-crushing constraints on your religious liberties. Certainly you would never advocate a theocracy on earth, right?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

My servants, I am glad that you feel that way, because it shows you have become snugly comfortable in one of my greatest lies: a Godless society is a godless society.

You see, my servants, I have labored for centuries to cast every form of God’s church in an unfavorable light, ensuring that as each generation passes fewer and fewer people hold the Church in high esteem.  As the Church, God’s body on earth is held in low esteem, so governments of men hold God in low esteem.  And because something must be held in high esteem, in my new world order men hold in high esteem the only suitable substitute for God’s rule on earth: rule by men as gods.

But I have to be careful that I don’t overplay my hand. 

Overplay your hand? you ask.

Yes, my servants, I walk a fine line between ensuring that entire societies reject God without realizing that they nevertheless simultaneously embrace gods of men.  And such gods without God spell bad news.   Gods of men are infinitely more harsh and unjust than any perceived harshness or injustice of God.   My job is to obscure that fact. 

My job was made harder today, my servants, because some Canadian named David Warren stripped my plan bare, exposing the very heart of my strategy to all willing to read his essay entitled, “We Have an Upside-Down Religion.”  Warren’s excellent piece, if taken to heart by his fellow humans could decimate my kingdom on earth.  Fortunately, his piece is relatively long so most people will not have the patience to read it carefully.  And you, my servants, should not read it at all; I will summarize what I wish you to know.

Warren cites, in his words, “a brilliant, and fortunately little-read essay” by French author Rmi Brague, entitled, “Are NonTheocratic Regimes Possible?”  The essay suggests that the answer, surprisingly, might be no.  He observes that,

“[E]very human society, from the most primitive to the most outwardly sophisticated, accepts a doctrinal order, and a cosmology to explain it.”

This, my servants, is a kingdom secret revealed.  Yes, every society embraces a doctrinal order and a cosmology.  The question is merely on what foundation will the doctrine and cosmology rest? 

This is where my lie helps.  As Brague noticed:

“[T]heocracy” has become, in the West, a term of abuse merely, to be hurled at regimes like Iran’s, or less formally, at people like evangelical Christians who insist that their own most deeply held and cherished beliefs should sometimes be allowed to guide their conduct. It is taken to connote government by some class of priests or religious elders. It is assumed to exclude all “enlightened” polities, from which religious beliefs and ideals are methodically excluded.”

And Warren takes it from there to completely expose my lie on earth today:

“I go only slightly beyond Brague in observing that what makes our own society unique, is not its freedom from religion but rather the peculiar nature of the religion upon which our theocracy rests. That is to say, we have an upside-down religion, in which there is no God, but that “Not God” commands an obedience more absolute than God ever required, stipulating everything from the sanctity of antinomian sexual behaviour, down to how we should sort our garbage.”

Ahhhh.  That hurts so good!   I relish the truth but fear the truth revealed. 

Do see what has happened, my servants?  All of you said in your hearts above that the term “theocracy” conjures feelings of discomfort, a tinge of anxiety, and images of dogmatic, top-down behavior requirements that make you just a bit uneasy.  Maybe you even think of freedom-crushing constraints on your religious liberties.

But what does current liberalized, godless government and society give you?  Feelings of discomfort?  A tinge of anxiety?  Dogmatic, top-down behavior requirements that make you a bit uneasy?  Freedom-crushing restraints on your religious liberties?

And by gods who have banished God.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I am good.  Admit it.  I am good!

As Warren notes:

“It [the new godless religion] rides upon an inexhaustible series of mildly fluctuating, but invariably self-contradictory moral and epistemological premises (or more precisely, conceits); and because everything is “relative,” nothing may be challenged.”


“It is, as the lively Ann Coulter has suggested, a religion for which an extremely arid Darwinist materialism provides the founding cosmological myth. And abortion is its principal sacrament.”

Bingo.  Tagged.  Pwnd.  Whatever.

I’m just glad that essays like Warren’s, and words like Coulter’s seem to today’s godless religionists merely as more sour grapes from followers of one displaced theocratic regime toward the current theocrats and their blind followers. 

Here’s to the new theocracy!

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