Archive for Sin

Christian gay therapy? Shhhh, there is a better way

Posted in homosexuality, progressives, same sex marraige, secularism, Sin, toleration, Truth with tags , , , on July 20, 2011 by devilbloggger

Therapy.

Have you heard, my friends, about the firestorm created by recent reports that the therapy clinic co-owned by US Republican presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann offers “ex-gay” therapy?  What a delicious controversy!

I have worked for years to make homosexuality natural, just one of many alternative sexual lifestyles a person may experience. 

Homo or hetero?  It depends on one’s natural or chosen “orientation” and many claim it’s no more a choice than is one’s sex in the first place.  Right?

Right.

At least that’s the way I’ve raised a generation of academics and other Important People.  And Important People often pal around with Smart People, and both groups define Sacred Ideas in the world today.

And it is good.

And one of my Sacred Ideas today is that one’s sexual orientation with respect to other humans (human/animal sexientation will take a little longer, but it will be naturalized soon) is natural. 

To oppose boyboysex or girlgirlsex today automatically renders one narrow-minded,  fearful and most importantly, full of hatification and bigotivity.

And best of all, such opposition renders one, in one of my most effective lingua-walls protecting a Sacred Idea, pathetically homophobic.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And do you want to know how I’ve done this, my servants? Do you want to know how I’ve silenced most opposition to my will on earth through the rampant and inaccurate use of the single term, homophobia?

I’ll tell you if you promise to not tell anyone else.

Promise?

OK.  Listen.  This is important:  I’ve rendered impotent virtually all opposition to homosexuality by making everyone who accepts homosexuality as normal or healthy sinophobic

Sinophobic?

Yes, sinophobic.

Sinophobia: sin’-oh-pho’-bee-a, n. (1) the attitude of one who rejects “sin” as an accurate descriptor of behavior one finds fun or normal; (2) fear of or contempt for one who holds to a Biblical notion of sin; (3) behavior based on such a feeling; (4) the attitude of those who defend homosexuality as normal and healthy.

Do you see what I’ve done so magnificentically?  I’ve made the concept of sin passé, backward, prehistoric, and generally believed only by fun-hating, meddling, narrow-minded, and sometimes plain crazy religious people.

I’ve rendered entire populations sinophobic.

Who embraces the idea of sin anymore?

Well, some do, unfortunately.  Because sin is real, and some behaviors are sinful.  This is, unfortunately the truth of the human experience.

Which is why I hate this aspect of truth whenever it tries to squeeze out of the cracks of the Sacred Ideas of Important People and Smart People.

And I must warn you, my servants, that truth practically flowed out of the cracks in a recent article discussing the views of one of my most hated foes: Albert Mohler.  

Blechhhh!

Mr. Mohler is quoted in today’s article at the Christian Post entitled, “Evangelical Leader Touts Gospel, Not Therapy, as Way to ‘Reorient’ Gays.”  And what Mr. Mohler has to say, if widely read and understood, could effectively dismantle my years of mantling the Sacred Ideas.

Dr. Albert Mohler, president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, rather than pussy-foot around about the nature of deviant sexual behavior, unapologetically uses the language of truth–the language of sin:

We will hold no hope for any sinner’s ability to change his or her own heart, and we will hold little hope for any secular therapy to offer more than marginal improvement in a sinner’s life,” he argued in his blog Tuesday.

Sin.  Heart.  Change. 

He’s directly challenging my legions of sinophobes!

As I read these words I thought to myself, well, at least he didn’t connect all these words with the gospel or Jesus Christ.

But my satisfactification was short-lived, as Mr. Mohler continued:

We hold full confidence in the power of the Gospel and of the reign of Christ within the life of the believer. We know that something as deeply entrenched as a pattern of sexual attraction is not easily changed, but we know that with Christ all things are possible.

Do you see what Mr. Mohler is saying, my servants?  His approach to the method of correcting sexual deviancy by attacking sinophobes front and center must be stopped.

Because he is right.  Sexual deviancy must be protected as normal and healthy.  To do so, we must characterize those who disagree as irrational, fundamentalist religionists who are hopelessly behind the times.

And we must shut down all talk of such deviancy being “sin;” we must keep sinophobia alive.

This is why I don’t oppose “secular” approaches to “curing” boyboys and girlgirls.  The Bachmann’s practice is easily dismissed as being the activity of some crackpots.  Let them live on the fringes.

But when someone starts using plain language of “sin” and “gospel” and such Dangerous Ideas as “with Christ all things are possible,” we must mobilize our forces and shut such talk down.

So I ask you, my servants, to do what you can to silence people like Mr. Mohler.  Call him names, discredit his motives, try to dig up some dirt on him.

We must, my servants, stop Dangerous Ideas before they smother and displace my Sacred Ideas.

It can be done. 

How do I know?  Because, remember, there was a time when God’s ideas were sacred, and mine were dangerous.

Let’s not let another reversal happen.

OK?

OK.

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Humanity’s Greatest Weakness? (It’s not me.)

Posted in atheism, False religion, heresy, religion, Sin with tags , , , on March 5, 2011 by devilbloggger

Ask Satan

My servants, Laurie asked Satan a question, and Satan answers it here.  Laurie’s question, reproduced below, lends itself to many potential answers.  But at the risk of jeopardizing kingdom secrets, I give you below the best answer.  So enjoy, but treat this as highly confidential. 

Question: As the greatest anthropologist of all time, what do you see as humanities [sic] greatest weakness?

First, let me thank Laurie for the excellent question and the recognition of me as the greatest anthropologist of all time.  I accept all praise, warranted and not.

Short answer:  Humanity’s greatest weakness is their big buts!

Long answer:  Humanity’s greatest weakness is the aggregate of each individual human’s greatest weakness.  And the greatest weakness of every human being on earth today is his or her willingness to believe a lie in response to my prompting question: Did God really say?

Down here we call it “the big but”: it’s every human’s tendency to rationalize acting on their own desires against God’s holiness expressed in nature or conscience by asking in their hearts, did God really say?

Believing their temptation to uniquely entitled them to a special exception to God’s expressed righteousness, the rationalizing sinner always begins his or her self-justification with “But . . . did God really say?

I never understood why God made creatures in his image with the ability to make moral choices; that is, the ability to reject him. 

I didn’t believe it at first, but I heard God give Adam and Eve a command that could easily be disobeyed if they but had a temptation.  Crafty one that I am, I quickly realized I need merely start by putting doubt into their minds as to what they otherwise clearly understood God to say, and then close the deal with a little lie of my own that if they disobey God’s clear command they will be like God.

Did God really say?

And it worked!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And it still works!

To theophobic atheists and agnostics I whisper, did God really call himself I AM?  That is, is God really the self-existing eternal uncaused cause of all that is? 

To false religionists everywhere I whisper, did Jesus really claim to be the I AM?  That is, is Jesus truly God in human form, the second person of the triune Godhead?

And to sinners everywhere (which is everyone, everywhere) I am there to whisper into their tempted ears, did God really say . . . ? 

But don’t blame me for your sinful acts, you sinners.  I did not make Adam and Eve eat of the forbidden fruit and I cannot make you sin, either.  No, only you are ultimately to blame for your daily sins, and each one is due to your propensity to look for a big enough “but”.  For each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived an appropriate “but”, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

And the beauty of my wisdom is that very often the answer to the question did God really say? is not always spelled out in black and white so that even the most sympathetic to God’s will can usually find a way to justify their pet sin. 

Try it, my servants!  Next time you are tempted to sin, see if your mental process does not include yielding to my whisper: did God really say?

It worked with Adam and Eve.  And it works with everyone who ever lived. 

Except one.

I tried this trick with Jesus Christ when I tempted him to fling himself off the highest point of the temple.  Knowing who I was up against I used the more subtle tactic of quoting something God really did say.  “Did God really say that he will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone?”

And Jesus’ reply utilized the only defense to my trickery.

Dang!  Did God really say that?

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